The grass is typically not greener. . .
I have fairly thick skin. I don’t very often (if ever) get offended. I’m typically pretty good at letting things just roll right off my back. I just don’t have the time or the energy to hold a grudge. I am light-years away from being perfect, but forgive and forget is such a better choice for me than the opposite. The problem lies with certain buttons that people mostly unknowingly like to push that set my teeth to grinding. I don’t hold it personally against them because they don’t have a clue it frustrates me so badly but it has been pushed so much recently that I have to vent before I explode on an innocent bystander.
Here are a few of the many trigger phrases:
“You have it so good.”
“You are so lucky.”
“You have the perfect life.”
“I would trade you places in a heartbeat.”
Yes they are meant in a good way and I truly attempt to remember that is the case so that I stay in a happy place. When these are said the person is typically focusing on a microscopic portion of my life. I always try to politely remind them that it is only one part of my life, but they don’t seem to believe me. So I am here . . . writing . . . so I won’t do anything drastic that might offend someone else or give them cause to have to forgive me.
Being single has some definite benefits and opportunities. I will not deny that because believe me when I say that I hold onto them with everything I have just to get through most days. Being able to travel freely is probably my favorite one and one that I go out of my way to do as often as possible. Typically however this is also the one that brings up those phrases the most.
Let me, as kindly as possible, show some of the tradeoffs though. I have found that the grass truly is greener on the other side because once it is discussed nobody would really trade me places.
1. I have to do EVERYTHING myself or hire and pay someone else to do it. There is nobody else there to split chores with. If it needs to get done, I have to do it.
2. I go home to an empty house every. single. night. It gets old really fast and extremely lonely . . . sometimes scary. I even lock my own bedroom door every night because it is just one more noise that might wake me up and give me time to prepare if I have to fend off an invader. I know I seem so independent but every night I crawl into bed I feel like I am 6-years old and home alone.
3. If I want to go somewhere and I don’t want to go by myself I have to find someone who has the time and is willing to come with me. This gets harder the older you get because everyone else around you has families.
4. I haven’t been kissed in over 2 ½ years.
5. The last time someone was in love with me was over 11 years ago . . . so yes, it has been that long since anyone has told me that they love me.
6. I’ve had to over and over again watch the one that I love, love someone else.
This is just the tip of the huge iceberg. I tend to try not focus on them though because it can get a bit depressing. However, I would think that for most people those are sufficient reasons to not be so quick to be sad that they are no longer single. Look at it this way . . . traveling is fabulous but it is something that I typically get to do once every 12-18 months and it only last for usually two weeks. The entire rest of the time is not such grand adventures to be jealous of.
We all seem to want what we don’t have . . . although I would suggest that we just want to be able to pick and choose which parts we really do want and leave all the undesirable parts in the dark corners.
I stand by what I have always said . . . being happy is a choice. I’m still working hard at trying to choose it rather than throwing grand pity parties. I have been given so much and therefore I have so much that I need to give back.
Please just remember that when you get home and you have kids screaming through the house and a spouse that greets you with a kiss and asks how your day was, that I walk into the dark with a million things that need doing. Hug your spouse a little longer and be thankful that you get to have them every single day.