"I'm not looking. My back is turned. Now go do something wrong, anything wrong. I'm not looking." Isn't it interesting that this would come out of my mom's mouth? The irony of the entire situation still makes me laugh.
There is an inner peace that comes from acting the same way that I believe. I don't understand why it is so vital that I go and do something tragically wrong for everyone else around me to feel like they can take a breath and relax. It is almost like people can't believe that I have had a full life unless I have experienced things that go against what I hold as my standards for myself. Not that I don't ever do anything wrong, because I make more mistakes than should be allowed in a lifetime over the course of the day, but it just doesn't consist of what people think are the "big" things so in some way it doesn't seem to count. I don't hold people to my standards and judge them because they have done things in their lives, why is it that I can be judged and looked at differently because I have chosen to direct my life the way that I have?
Now a bit of an explaination. I feel like I understand things that people go through, not because I have myself been through them, but because I learn by watching and listening and trying to place myself in the situation. There is a way to learn without having to actually do, but by learning through others. I have been through more things with friends that have opened my eyes and helped me understand issues that most people never want to or with which they choose to deal. I have rubbed many backs as they hung their heads over toilets because of too much alcohol consumption. I have rushed over to homes to hold hands so that the food they just ate would be allowed to stay in their system. I have held in my arms and cried with those who have hurt themselves through many different outlets. I have kissed forehead and wiped many tears for so many different reasons, so why don't I do something wrong, anything wrong......I see the consequences, the pain, the hurt through others eyes and don't have to necessarily experience on my own to get the meaning and lessons they carry. I am no better than anyone else. I accept everyone for who they are, is it so much to ask that I be accepted for who I am?
There is an inner peace that comes from acting the same way that I believe. I don't understand why it is so vital that I go and do something tragically wrong for everyone else around me to feel like they can take a breath and relax. It is almost like people can't believe that I have had a full life unless I have experienced things that go against what I hold as my standards for myself. Not that I don't ever do anything wrong, because I make more mistakes than should be allowed in a lifetime over the course of the day, but it just doesn't consist of what people think are the "big" things so in some way it doesn't seem to count. I don't hold people to my standards and judge them because they have done things in their lives, why is it that I can be judged and looked at differently because I have chosen to direct my life the way that I have?
Now a bit of an explaination. I feel like I understand things that people go through, not because I have myself been through them, but because I learn by watching and listening and trying to place myself in the situation. There is a way to learn without having to actually do, but by learning through others. I have been through more things with friends that have opened my eyes and helped me understand issues that most people never want to or with which they choose to deal. I have rubbed many backs as they hung their heads over toilets because of too much alcohol consumption. I have rushed over to homes to hold hands so that the food they just ate would be allowed to stay in their system. I have held in my arms and cried with those who have hurt themselves through many different outlets. I have kissed forehead and wiped many tears for so many different reasons, so why don't I do something wrong, anything wrong......I see the consequences, the pain, the hurt through others eyes and don't have to necessarily experience on my own to get the meaning and lessons they carry. I am no better than anyone else. I accept everyone for who they are, is it so much to ask that I be accepted for who I am?
posted by B at
9:51 AM
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