‘Cause I might know you a little better than you think

Let it be known that I did not serve a full-time mission. I am sorry that it doesn’t seem right to those that ask. Actually now that I think about it, they never ask IF I served, they always ask WHERE I served. Maybe that is why they give me that look. Oh you know the look. It is the look that within two seconds changes from embarrassment to startled to confusion to disbelief to wondering why not (quickly calculating what sin(s) might have been committed). The word that almost always comes out of their mouth next . . . “Oh.” I have actually been accused before of lying and that I must have served. You’re right, I did, must have just slipped my mind, silly me. Nope. Why would I have any reason to lie about it? Frankly I don’t know why it is so disconcerting for others that I didn’t serve.

This is where they inevitably start making really stupid comments. I could write pages and pages of them, but I will only give you a taste of what I get to hear.

“Oh. Well I figured because you are still single . . . . ” Just because I wasn’t married doesn’t mean that it was right for me at any point between the ages of 21-now to go on a mission.

“Oh. You know so much about the gospel that I assumed . . . . ” News flash, there are other ways to learn the gospel other than going on a mission and in reality you should know the gospel BEFORE you serve a mission.

“Oh. Why not?”

“Oh. You should have.”

“Oh. But you have been through the temple.” I know. Can you believe it? They actually let me in the temple even though I wasn’t getting married and wasn’t going on a mission! Don’t tell them though because they still don’t realize their mistake and they continue to let me in.

I want to eventually serve a mission or two and I am grateful for those that have served missions, but I don’t think that just because XYZ is the case that automatically means that someone did or should serve a mission or they are going to hell or that they can’t be equally as worthy (or knowledgeable or faithful or . . . ) as the person that did serve a mission. Even those of us that didn’t serve a mission and aren’t married can be just as valuable members as those that have and are. Shocking I know.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” –The Little Prince

You may be the best friend I’ve ever had

I have been spending more and more time at work. It has picked up a bit and I am also covering for another officer who is on maternity leave. I am not complaining. It is extremely nice to actually have work to do at work. It focuses my mind. Time moves rather than just staring back at me.

Yesterday I had been working almost 12 hours putting together and doing closings when I finally sat down at my desk. There patiently waiting for me was another solid two hours worth of work. It was late and I was the only one left in the office, so I cranked my music and started to dig in. I didn’t realize that I was singing at the top of my lungs with full emotion until I realized that someone was standing in my office door. It dawned on me (as I went six shades of red) that I hadn’t locked the front door after my last closing.

I helped the client gather the information that he needed and then remembered to lock the door after he left . . . and yes, I did go right back to singing at the top of my lungs and there was maybe even some dancing that took place.

The wind moves on, unaware

I don’t like to be by myself when it is windy. It is a small idiosyncrasy that I have attempted to ignore for as long as I can remember. When it is windy, there is an eerie sensation that fills my being. Honestly I don’t think that I have ever admitted this to anyone because I find it ridiculous and more importantly, I have never been able to explain it . . . that is until it finally dawned on me last night.

I had spent the night at a friend’s house. We had played in the pool at her complex most of the morning. After shoving my pajamas into my bag and throwing it over my shoulder, I told her goodbye and left to walk the three blocks to my house. I was all of 10 or 11 years old at the time, but I had walked that street countless times. I hadn’t bothered to change out of my swimming suit since I would just get home and get in the shower, so my outfit consisted of swimming suit, towel wrapped around my waist and flip-flops on my feet.

After walking out of the complex onto the main road, I had a thought that I should go back to my friend’s house and have her mom drive me home. I hesitated for a second while I took in my surrounds and immediately talked myself out of it. I could see my house from where I was standing. It was three blocks away. It would be absurd (not to mention embarrassing which is probably the real reason I didn’t follow the prompting) to go back and make her mom drive me home. After all, logic told me that I would be home faster if I just walked. In retrospect, had I paid attention I would have been off the main street and back in the complex where I wouldn’t have been seen thus avoiding the entire situation.

With determination (because I was scared for some reason unknown to me) I proceeded home with a quick step. I took in the fact that the whole neighborhood seemed especially quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Nobody was out, there were no cars coming or going. The wind was blowing enough that I had to keep one hand on my bag and one hand on my towel to keep it from blowing away. The wind was causing weird noises in the large, empty field across the street. My whole body was alert and my eyes kept scanning my surroundings. Something just didn’t feel right.

I had walked about a block when I heard a car make the turn onto the street and head my direction. I turned to see who was coming. We lived in a small neighborhood and so most everyone was familiar to me. This was a car that I didn’t know. It was a dark blue compact car but what really caught my attention was the fact that I couldn’t see the driver because the front window was tinted so dark that I couldn’t see in.

The car slowed behind me and I quickened my step. The car followed suit. I began to run, in flip flops with full arms (I would have beat Usain Bolt in that foot race). I heard the car screech to a halt, the car door open and running steps behind me. While running I turned my head to see if the other person was close which allowed me to see the man chasing me. I ran about 100 yards, turned the corner, ran up the stairs and straight into the house of an elderly lady exactly one block from my own home (good thing she didn’t lock her door but I did almost give her a heart attack). By the time she got to the window, he was gone. She walked me the rest of the way to my house and then my dad walked her back home.

Last night I was driving home after having dinner with a friend, the wind was kicked up and mad at the world, at some point I realized that I had been talking to (or rather trying to soothe) myself into stopping and getting the mail. I come home late all the time and stop to get the mail, it isn’t a big deal. The only difference . . . the wind was blowing and I had that eerie feeling that the wind seems to bring with it. I pulled in front of the mail box and literally had to tell myself that I was being nonsensical. I hurriedly got the mail and jumped back in my car practically laughing at myself for being a dork when it finally came back to me why the wind gave me that feeling. It reminds me of that day.

“It seems to me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible to become what you yourself would approve; and that from this day you began with resolution to correct your thoughts and actions, you would, in a few years, have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, to which you might revert with pleasure.” –Jane Eyre

I don’t think that I spend enough time with my nieces and nephews. Saturday morning I had a surprise visit from Bridger. We spent the morning (after they finally got my attention to let me know they were there . . . I was upstairs running with my music cranked and didn’t hear the doorbell which they apparently rang 17 million times . . . my sister finally called my cell phone) making tunnels out with blankets, couches, tables and books through which we could disappear and magically reappear on the other side. Of course we also had to drive the Hot Wheels through (yes I have Hot Wheels at my house for them to play with).

He was making me laugh as he would copy things that I said and noises that I would make. Then he would pull some lines out of his own back pocket that made me laugh so hard he would repeat it 10 more times. My favorite had to be when he had the Hot Wheels truck and he decided that he needed to put another one of the smaller cars on its hitch to be dragged. He had it working for a minute and then the other car slipped off the hitch. Without a moment hesitation he said, “oh no, back it up” and proceeded to reverse the truck toward the car (he is two). He informed me that we needed to get it back on the trailer. My babies just make me happy!

Later a friend came over and we made yummy Navajo tacos and settled down to watch a movie I haven’t seen in years. Ever heard of Cloak and Dagger? Yeah it is a classic, extremely cheesy now, but one straight out of the childhood. It used to be intense when I watched it when I was younger, at least that is what I remembered. It didn’t end up being in the same category as Watcher in the Woods which still scares the pants off me . . . Nerak, Nerak! I know, I know, I am a dork. Anyway, we then settled in to watch the Utes game and eat a scone with butter, honey and powered sugar (I think that I am still full), but since it started a little later half time was all she made it to and I was left to scream at the tv and cheer by myself. They won.

I love to have a jam-packed schedule, as long as I have some down time to balance it out. My big goal right now is to somehow get exercise into my daily routine. I just got a yoga dvd. I have never done yoga before so it should be interesting. Running is great, but I think that I need something to offset it a bit. I actually got a whole bunch of exercise dvds just to mix it up a bit. If all else fails, I still have Buns of Steel on VHS . . . now that should prove to be a throw back and as cheesy as ever although I have a feeling that I would still be walking funny after attempting to complete the video. I know everyone will want to join me in doing Buns of Steel, so we’ll have to make it a party.

I miss having reading material to fill some time during my days.

We can always look back on what we did

The ultimate goal of every NFL quarterback is to help lead their team to a win at the Super Bowl. I would dare venture to say that if that were not the quarterback’s goal, he wouldn’t be in the league or his linemen would be very generous to the defensive line of the other team and that quarterback would take much worse hits than Tebow did a couple of Saturdays ago and be out fairly quickly. The shirt, the hat, the trophy and the ring . . . those are the tangible items waiting at the end of all the sweat, blood and tears of a grueling 17-week regular season, plus those last four post-season games. Although I really think that the tangible items are just a side note to the personal satisfaction, the feeling of accomplishment, the victory.

Where is this all leading? Dan Marino.

After playing for 17 years as the quarterback of the Miami Dolphins, Marino walked away from the game never having felt the sure victory of winning the Super Bowl. He had only played two seasons when in 1985, he and his team did win the AFC title. This would be the only Super Bowl game that he would play in his entire career. They lost to Joe Montana and the San Francisco 49ers that year. So close, but he had to go away empty handed.

Marino did everything that was humanly possible for him to do to get back to the Super Bowl. He did everything that he should. He worked as hard, if not harder, than every other quarterback in the league. It just ended up being not enough. He and his team just couldn’t gain their ultimate goal. After the ’99 season, Marino retired. His accomplishments when he retired were, in part, that he held 23 NFL records and had tied four others.

Walking away from the game must have been bitter-sweet having gained so much, yet not being able to do what he set out to do. What he must have thought so many times was within his grasp and seeing it slip away again and again. I am sure that it was heartbreaking and frustrating. I will bet in a way it was a relief to finally just decide that he did what he could, he’d put every effort known into obtaining his dream and then somberly mourning the loss of that dream and moving forward in a new direction.

Seventeen years was long enough . . .

Stay up and make some memories here

A couple of days ago I received a phone call from a friend that I haven’t been in contact with for at least eight years. We actually got to know each many moons ago when he was called to serve as my co-chair on the Stake activities committee. I suppose that having the same cell phone number for almost thirteen years has its benefits.

This was a calling that I held for four and a half years. During that time, the co-chair position went through many changes due to moving, marriage, normal movement of callings, ect, of my counterparts. By the time he got put in, I already had a couple of years under my belt and had the whole system running like a well oiled machine (which means that I was extremely bossy because I knew what, how, when things needed to get done). He was a champion at allowing me room to be such a brat (of course it saved him a lot of work because I did it).

Part of this calling included overseeing all the sports, yes even church basketball. This was church basketball for the University Single’s Stake. This is where I think all of the guys got the biggest kick out of me. I had to make the schedule, set up and keep the score, time and stats. My biggest job there though was keeping order and peace.

I must be more intimidating than I ever want to believe because as heated as those guys would get, it would only take one word or look from me and it would stop immediately. It could have been my threat to cancel the whole tournament if there was fighting or the fact that I had a group of guy friends that would come up and keep me company while they waited for their game, but any new guy that came to play learned quickly that I was not to be crossed. They all were very respectful of me and demanded it from anyone else that came. Of course I was their biggest supporter and cheerleader all season and throughout the regional tournaments. Those guys ended up being some of my dearest friends and with whom I spent all of my play time (funny, now that I think about it, none of them were from the ward I was actually attending).

That phone call has definitely had me in a very nostalgic mood the past couple of days.