Just Rannin' Around

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The family continues to grow!

I am now the aunt of 7 nieces and 3 nephews!!

My newest nephew was born this morning at 8:36. He was a little eager to come into the world as he is joining us two months early. He is currently in the NICU with all kinds of machines hooked up to his tiny 4 lb. 11 oz. body. For being two months early he is doing well however and we are all extremely grateful. He actually is the biggest baby in the NICU so when you see him there he looks big, then you walk past the regular baby window and realize just how tiny he really is.

I am the only one besides the parents and grandparents that can actually go into the NICU, so I spend the evening there rubbing his legs and arms and cheeks (can't hold him yet) teaching him that I am the favorite aunt (it hasn't failed me yet). He is a beautiful baby!

Monday, March 26, 2007

The fortune cookie declares: “Courage and Optimism are your best traits”

Thank you!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. You gotta prepare for the life you want.”
-The Little Black Book

As I sat watching this movie on Saturday, this incredibly interesting and thought provoking statement began my mind on a journey. I am still in the process of breaking it down and trying to digest the truth within these few simple words.

I believe that when we are consciously preparing for a desire of our hearts, such as attending school for a career which excites us all the way to our toes, that we see how this statement is applicable. However put a tiny twist on it to also include those desires over which we have less control and frustration sets in a bit and we might lose sight of how this statement applies to us at all.

Another of my two-cent insights.....

I think that when we truly want/desire something that we feel is impossible to obtain, too good for us, too hard to reach, that instead of working towards becoming better (for fear of failure) that we would rather give up than prepare and see what happens. Maybe it is even that we fear obtaining it at all.

Anyway, something that I have been mulling over the few days.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

32 and counting....

I wonder what this age holds in store.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Suddenly I see.

Talking. Laughing. Learning. Loving. Enjoying.

Teaching. Knowing. Growing. Sharing. Desiring.

Tasting. Feeling. Seeing. Hearing. Smelling.

Jumping. Running. Sitting. Skipping. Hiking.

Listening. Caring. Discussing. Pondering. Fulfilling.

So many different words listed and so many more which only begin to describe. I have come to an understanding concerning words. They don’t manage to fully explain any emotion that I experience. I don’t imagine that I would ever possibly be able to express my feelings with words and at times that can be frustrating. Maybe I need to learn more of them or quite possibly I need to invent new ones. However I still have a creeping suspicion that they would do no justice for explaining my emotions.

I typically have a lack of words. I know it isn’t because I don’t have anything to say. I know that I love to listen. I hunger to know what is happening below the surface. I long to understand the bubbling of emotions of others and I love to feel that closeness that only occurs as someone attempts to put those feelings into our simple language. I desire to feel trusted and needed.

I have noticed that very few have been able to encroach my walls. I want everyone to tell me all about them, but find it incredibly difficult for me to share. Sometimes it is because I sense that honestly they don’t care and really don’t want to listen. Other times I think it is due to my lack of knowing how to open up and share myself. I wonder if they teach a class on how to do that. Overall my thoughts are that I find others are just much more fascinating than myself. It allows me to get out of myself for a while and experience a little of what others are experiencing.

Other things that have occurred to me....

Totally ironic, but I have a harder time opening up to someone that I am interested in than someone for whom I don’t have any romantic feelings. This is an easy answer to why for me. I am petrified that I will say the wrong thing or that by getting to know who I truly am will frighten them away. I am sure that it is the same for a lot of people. It is my way of hiding. Kind of like when someone is unwilling to look me in the eyes while talking to me. I know that they don’t want me to see something for fear that I would be frightened away or judge them.

I do more sharing while teaching than in any other aspect of my life. I know more tears are shed on Sundays than any other day. Not because I am sad but due to the fact that I am able and more comfortable sharing a part of me that is the deepest and dearest to my heart which includes experience with friends and family.

I guess the goal that comes with this is something that I have been trying to improve on my entire life. Be more open. Let my walls crash to the ground even with the full understanding that my heart is totally on the line. I guess that only those that risk big gain the big rewards. However I know I will need a lot of help and encouragement.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I knew it and yet....

I am not so smart!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Standing on solid ground

Have you ever seen the email where a giraffe is slowing sinking in quicksand and he runs through a few different emotions? He goes from politely asking for some help, to begging, to anger, to tears and then to pure helplessness and giving up. Just as he gives up, he realizes that he has hit the bottom of the quicksand pit and that there was hope all along. This is where the email ends.

I laughed at this cartoon and then came to understand that there is truth to be found. We all have our quicksand pits. When we hit them, most of us are at first shocked and look around to see if anyone notices, but mostly out of fear that they might actually noticed and quite embarrassed that we have placed ourselves in this predicament.

After a while we realize that we truly are in a little trouble that maybe we can’t get out of by ourselves. That is when we look around and maybe hint to those that are close to us that we just might need a hand.

Panic kicks in. We begin to thrash around, looking for anyone and anything that we perceive would be helpful, even if logically we know that it would end up landing us in another, larger quicksand pit. The ironic part being that there are yet others near by fighting to help us out. Yet because their way cause some pain and takes time and due to the danger of falling into the pit with us rather than helping to pull us out, have to choose to keep their distance which sometimes causes us to pull away and not believe that they are truly there to help us.

Anger, tears, frustration and sometimes just plain feeling picked on is the next step. This doesn’t usually last very long until we go into feeling helpless and hopeless. There is nothing that we can do. There is nothing that those around us can do. At least that is how we feel. Things then just don’t matter anymore. We stop fighting, we stop caring. We make decisions that will hopefully sink us fast just wanting to get it over with already, take away the feelings and let the whole world know that we aren’t worth saving.

Isn’t it amazing that every time we get to this point that right before our heads go under, that our feet hit the bottom? The problem is not gone. We are still up to our necks with no idea on how to, or even if it is possible, to get ourselves out of this pit which seemingly has taken over. Are there ways out? The answer to that is simple, always. More importantly, looking around we realize that there are still certain people that haven’t given up on us as we have ourselves and continue to love us. That is empowering.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Troubles Erased

There exists those precious moments
When everything seems right;
It has been known to happen
Anytime from morning, noon to night.

They seemingly stretch the gamut
Of every part of life;
But mostly tend to happen
When we let go a little of our strife.

The answer on how to do that
Is by choosing what is right;
For when we start doing this
it lets in the light.

Once the light is inside of you
It has a tendency to grow;
Until you see as Father does
And then you start to know.

When you wake up in the morning
With a sparkle in your eye;
It is then you see your true beauty
That no one can deny.

From there you start to wonder
What more you have to give;
A window is then opened and you see
The potential up to which you must live.

There is starts to get a little scary
When you think of what you must be;
But here He wraps His arms around you
And offers, "Come, follow me!"

He lived a life of perfections
So that everyone could see;
That through Him is the only way
For us to be made free.

Free from guilt and free from sin
By doing what He taught;
Replaced by peace, happiness and joy
All things that can't be bought.

So when you are in a struggle
And life is full of fear;
Be sure to look beside you
For He is always near.

Sunday, March 04, 2007


I had already made up my mind. I had carefully thought out each reason why it needed to be that way. I justified that it would be best. I had every point and argument prepared down to the very syllable. I can be extremely stubborn.

From the very start of today, that whole decision was shot clean out of the water. When I woke up I picked up the Ensign, then immediately wanted to put it right back down when I read the topic of this month’s First Presidency message. I knew I was in trouble however I read it with tears falling down my cheeks.

Sitting through Relief Society was not an easy task as the sweet sister taught a lesson that was prepared especially for me. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to have a soft heart. I didn’t want to admit that I was wrong. I didn’t want to continue to try. I just wanted to stop crying.

A lesson that I had been preparing all week to teach in Sunday School changed. The words coming out of my mouth meant something far deeper to me than anyone in the room would have ever known.

It doesn’t make it easy. Although both ways are difficult, I wanted to take the seemly easier, quicker of the paths. That isn’t the way that I must travel. Why I am not sure, but in a sense realize that peace will be found along this path.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

What would you deem as being quintessential in any relationship? Why?


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