Just Rannin' Around

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Today I have been pondering this subject and quietly reminiscing about the magic of a kiss. Amazing how the memories still brings a smile to my face and a little of that flutter in my stomach. Due to the value and significance that I place on sharing such an intimate part of myself, I have not shared many of my kisses with very many. I have also been extremely lucky in the fact that out of respect (I have been told another reason also, but I won't get on my soapbox this time) the guys that have eventually kissed me always date me for at least 3 weeks first and have previously known me for longer than that.

My very first kiss made me feel like a princess. He always showered me with compliments and red roses. I was the only woman that existed in his eyes and I filled his world. We had been dating for a little over a month when he decided that it was time. I had come home from school that day exhausted and knowing that I still had a shift at work that night, I slipped onto the couch to get in a small nap. I didn't hear him come into the house or talk to my mom who was in the kitchen preparing dinner. He crept into the living room and the next thing that I remember was being awoken by a kiss. It is grand memory to have as the first kiss and my own small fairy tale.

I have to admit that I have been blessed to never have had a bad kiss. Maybe it is because of the situations or that the boys that have chosen to date me are a little extra magical, but no matter the reason I definitely know that each has shaped a memory that brightens a day. After all, who wouldn't want to be taken completely by surprise with the most tender of kisses after having his fingertips glide lightly over the features of your face ending on closed eyelids?

Friday, August 26, 2005

Slippery slides

I love the playground. My favorite is of course the swings and most of the time I can be found exactly in that spot. However there are times when I am a bit more rambunctious and will gravitate toward the slide. As I have gotten older, slides have become safer. When I was little my mom used to dress me in shorts and a tank top or maybe a sundress and then send me out to play. I would run to the slide, quickly ascend the stairs and before assessing the situation, plop down on the metal slide which had been gathering the heat of the sun’s rays. The agonizing scream could be heard for miles and bright red spots would quickly appear on the back of my tender, little legs.

As I grew in age and discretion, I would carefully touch the slide with my hand to determine the temperature before choosing either not to go down the slide or how to position my legs and feet in order not to have them touch the heat laden metal. Another great indicator for me was how many other children were going down the slide. I deducted that children using the slide kept it cooler and was a bit safer for me to approach without fear of hurt and pain, although past experience still told me to test the area myself before assuming all would be well.

Life experiences teach incredible amounts of knowledge. When I ponder why I feel this way or that way about certain situations, I can almost, without fail see that I have drawn off of the hard knocks of life. I in no way think that any given situation is exactly as the previous one, but when there are more similarities than not.....sit down carefully on the slide. We are given those lessons in life by a loving Heavenly Father who is trying to mold us to fit into our ultimate destiny. It is pointless unless we actually grasp and use the knowledge in future situations.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Find a penny, pick it up....

I tried to count all my blessings.....does anyone know how to count past a million trillion?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Small and Simple

I had to laugh at myself yesterday. Actually I find that laughing at myself is something that happens more than should probably be admitted. I was given the opportunity to teach two classes last night about home buying. I always forget just how much I truly enjoy public speaking and then add teaching on top of that and I am simply giddy (I realize at this point most think that I am insane, after all who in their right mind enjoys public speaking)! Luckily I have been granted numerous opportunities throughout my life to keep me smiling.

Then there is one on one time with fabulous friends. Who needs great big amusement parks to entertain when there is a perfectly grand swing set somewhere near? Whether it is getting lost in an all day conversation or simply quietly watching the clouds pass by overhead, it is about knowing that that person has chosen to spend their precious time with me. To be entrusted with someone’s friendship and love is something that I treasure. How blessed I am to be able to have my life filled with an incredible amount of friends that continue to fill my heart.

My family is priceless! It never fails that when I think I am at the lowest point in my life it takes but one phone call or visit to make the sun begin to shine. When I am at my highest points in my life they are there cheering the loudest. The highs, the lows and all the in betweens my family sees me through it all. They are the most blunt when I am wrong, they make me feel amazing when I accomplish feats and tease me relentlessly always. Though each of us are far from perfection, we seem to make a perfect balance. I have love that will always be there no matter what life brings.

These are things that make life full of joy!!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

“I would rather fight any day with you than make love to any other woman.”
-Nick, The Wedding Date

Yesterday was a busy day. After work I spent some much needed time in my favorite hiding place and I was once again wrapped in the arms of a loving, forgiving Father in Heaven. The comfort and peace which enveloped my entire being made it possible to walk out with a renewed determination to endure the vile of evils that Satan feels the need to spew all over in my life.

Of course I then headed to the gym to spend some time running. For me running always brings out my more logical side and helps me to see things from a different perspective. I was also thinking that maybe I would sweat out this horrible cold that has been infesting my body since Saturday. After 3.5 miles and a gallon of sweat, I decided that it was finally time to go home.

After throwing a batch of clothes in the washer, I settled down to a glass of orange juice and a movie, snuggled into my favorite spot on the couch. I have determined that I want to be in love in a movie. I want someone to love me even when I am in a nasty, ugly mood and when I don’t do and say everything just perfectly. I want someone who adores me and will hold me for as long as he wants no matter whom else might be around. I want someone that wants to protect me from being hurt. I want someone who would rather fight with me any day than make love to any other woman. Aren’t dreams the best!!

After I had settled in my bed for the night I received a phone call. It was a dear friend that is engaged to be married very soon. He called to invite me to attend his sealing. I have had the opportunity to attend the sealing of five other couples since receiving my endowments a little less than four years ago. I am always touched and overwhelmed with the blessings and promises that are given as the couple kneels across the alter from each other. It was at that moment as I was pondering those memories that a vivid recall of the light and love coming from their eyes as they looked upon the person whom they would spend the eternities with was brought alive. I was blessed at that very moment with the realization that it isn’t just a dream. Real life is full of eternal love. What a happy night!

Friday, August 12, 2005

For the love people!!

Don’t burn caterpillars with a magnifying glass, they become beautiful butterflies….

only do it to ants! :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

What would you do?

So you order food over the phone at work for lunch. You go and pick it up and sit down in your office and after a few bites you discover that there is a dead fly on a piece of lettuce in your salad.

Would you call the restaurant ranting and raving about what a horrible thing had just happen and immediately return the salad for a new one along with a full refund for your trauma? or Would you look at it laugh thinking that a little bit of extra protein never hurt anyone, throw that piece along with the fly away and continue to enjoy your lunch?

Don’t be disgusted, but I am afraid that I would be guilty of the second option.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


I am in a continual learning sphere. No matter how many years I have already been given experiences and opportunities, there are always new things thrown at me or twists and turns of different varieties in regards to lessons through which I have already navigated. Being the adventurous, knowledge craving creature that I am, life has rewarded me with a barrage of treats and even more bleeding, hurting body parts. Through it all, my tears were inadvertently watering beautiful blossoms which I have been able to gather. I always look at the variety which fills my life with color and helps me see things more clearly due to the years of gathering.

Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. Sometimes I wish that I had everything that I wanted. Sometimes I wish that the hurts would go away. Sometimes I wish that all my dreams would come true. Sometimes I wish that I had control. Sometimes I wish that I had different life. Sometimes I wish that I could move far, far away. Sometimes I wish that I could stop caring. Sometimes I wish others could feel how deeply I cared. Sometimes I wish that more people would see me for who I am. Always I wish that I could make everything better/happy for those I love.

The pedals remind me that all my wishing doesn’t come to pass, but that I get the blossoms I really need exactly as they start to unfold into pure perfection. Then I stand in wonder as realization of pure joy explodes into every corner and shadow. I know a thing or two about life, however I always am intelligent enough to humbly submit that there is so much to more to gain that I will always be racing to learn and sometimes that learning takes place by stumbling.

Friday, August 05, 2005

“When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong, they need your prayers all the more, and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house.”
-CS Lewis Mere Christianity

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

“For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction!”
-Isaac Newton

Life is difficult. There are definite reasons behind the struggle of which I am fully aware. I think, however, that way too often I choose to focus on what I seemingly see as the trials rather than watching for the never ending blessings. These last few days I decided to pay particular attention to the things which inevitably caused the corners of my mouth to turn upward.

I have the dearest friend who happens to live in Texas and so I don’t take the opportunity as much as I would like to spend time talking to her. I am embarrassed to say that it has been close to eight months since the last time we had a conversation. However, it doesn’t ever matter how long in between calls it has been, one listening in would think that we spent hours on the phone each day because of the way that we pick our friendship up exactly where we left it. We laughed, we cried and we lifted each others spirits. What a blessing!!

How come an egg fight, and I am talking raw eggs, is so entertaining? All I can say is that it was much needed and when it was followed by a water balloon fight, I thought that life didn’t get much better....but how it did! Most people don’t ever find the playful side of me which makes me a bit sad, however I was out in full force when I decided that the treat after needed some additional flare so I started a watermelon seed spitting contest. Oh did I mention that the seeds weren’t being spit on the grass or sidewalk....oh no, right onto each other. Needless to say with egg and watermelon all over me a shower was taken before bedtime that night.

Then last night after spending some super fun time with Shells making paper chains, I walked outside to be greeted by the most amazing lightening storm. Wow!! I couldn’t stop watching it and I am still not quite sure how I made it home safely when I wasn’t even paying attention to the road. I was mesmerized. It was my own little art museum in the sky.

Little kindnesses really have stood out. When I started looking, I was overwhelmed with small things here and there like email, phone and text messaging conversations that brighten the long work day. My phone ringing and voices I love to hear on the other end, sometimes more than once because they forgot to tell me something. Baby voices calling to tell me that I am the favorite aunt, they love me and when am I going to come and visit next. My insane, but hilarious family calling just to talk. Random visits and unexpected kindnesses. It all makes things really come into perspective.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Building Blocks

I have always had a vivid imagination. When I was young nothing kept me from jumping over the moon or capturing the sun’s rays in a glass bottle or finding the pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and that was just the tip of the iceberg. There wasn’t anything that could stand in my way.

Introduction of fear.

For something that is not tangible, fear still holds the universal title for tightest grasp and holding factor. The unknown and unfamiliar changed from my afternoon playground to a haunted land. Fear had friends which were quickly invited to establish roots. Failure was the first to plant itself and immediately spread out as far as possible. When fear joined with failure to have a party, I would retreat into what I knew was comfortable and what I knew I did well. They wouldn’t be able to reach me there.

I soon discovered however that by pulling a retreat, they were still winning. I was not getting where I wanted to go. I was sacrificing what mattered most to what mattered least by not looking beyond what I wanted now. I was allowing my past to determine my future.

Discovery of the light switch.

There is an overhead flood light which makes it easier to step into the unknown and unfamiliar. Don’t get me wrong fear, fear of failure and failure are all still very much present, they just seem to dissipate in importance. This is due to the fact that with the light on, one realizes that there are other chances, more tries and different paths that we never saw as even being options. Seeing a larger portion of the picture reduced the anxiety for me walking once again in a place that my innocence had at one time allowed me use as my playground.

As I pass through one portion, I have to look fear right in the face and continue to walk until I can find the next light switch. Most of the time I end up stumbling, falling and bleeding all over the place and I know that I have two options at that point.....go back to what I knew or continue to look for the light switch by making whatever directional changes necessary and then pressing forward. I know that in no way is choosing the second option easy. It means pain. It means learning. It means tons of work. However it also means strength, knowledge and pure joy.

There will be a point when every light will be turned on to its brightest degree and then we will turn around for a brief moment, smile in satisfaction concerning our personal journey, then turning back again begin to walk forward in the fullness of the light shining in front of us. In the mean time there are band aides for scraped knees, stitches for broken hearts and a prescription for wrong choices.

Fear still wins a lot of the times. I still retreat into the comfortable more than I care to admit. Why? It is easier, at least in the moment. Mine is to continue to get up, most of the time with a lot of help and encouragement, and start again. Where does all this work get me? Back into the loving, outstretched arms of smiling Heavenly Parents awaiting my arrival home!


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