Just Rannin' Around

Monday, August 01, 2005

Building Blocks

I have always had a vivid imagination. When I was young nothing kept me from jumping over the moon or capturing the sun’s rays in a glass bottle or finding the pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and that was just the tip of the iceberg. There wasn’t anything that could stand in my way.

Introduction of fear.

For something that is not tangible, fear still holds the universal title for tightest grasp and holding factor. The unknown and unfamiliar changed from my afternoon playground to a haunted land. Fear had friends which were quickly invited to establish roots. Failure was the first to plant itself and immediately spread out as far as possible. When fear joined with failure to have a party, I would retreat into what I knew was comfortable and what I knew I did well. They wouldn’t be able to reach me there.

I soon discovered however that by pulling a retreat, they were still winning. I was not getting where I wanted to go. I was sacrificing what mattered most to what mattered least by not looking beyond what I wanted now. I was allowing my past to determine my future.

Discovery of the light switch.

There is an overhead flood light which makes it easier to step into the unknown and unfamiliar. Don’t get me wrong fear, fear of failure and failure are all still very much present, they just seem to dissipate in importance. This is due to the fact that with the light on, one realizes that there are other chances, more tries and different paths that we never saw as even being options. Seeing a larger portion of the picture reduced the anxiety for me walking once again in a place that my innocence had at one time allowed me use as my playground.

As I pass through one portion, I have to look fear right in the face and continue to walk until I can find the next light switch. Most of the time I end up stumbling, falling and bleeding all over the place and I know that I have two options at that point.....go back to what I knew or continue to look for the light switch by making whatever directional changes necessary and then pressing forward. I know that in no way is choosing the second option easy. It means pain. It means learning. It means tons of work. However it also means strength, knowledge and pure joy.

There will be a point when every light will be turned on to its brightest degree and then we will turn around for a brief moment, smile in satisfaction concerning our personal journey, then turning back again begin to walk forward in the fullness of the light shining in front of us. In the mean time there are band aides for scraped knees, stitches for broken hearts and a prescription for wrong choices.

Fear still wins a lot of the times. I still retreat into the comfortable more than I care to admit. Why? It is easier, at least in the moment. Mine is to continue to get up, most of the time with a lot of help and encouragement, and start again. Where does all this work get me? Back into the loving, outstretched arms of smiling Heavenly Parents awaiting my arrival home!

2 Comments:

  • I KNOW that God rolls his eyes at me all the time! Good thing He has a sense of humor! He laughs really hard when I tell Him how I think things should be. :)

    By Blogger B, At 4:55 PM  

  • "and when he falls he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than his increase..." D&C 117:13

    By Blogger C.J., At 5:33 PM  

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