Just Rannin' Around

Friday, May 21, 2010

“It surprised her that her grief was sharper than in the past few days. She had forgotten that grief doesn’t decline in a straight line or along a slow curve like a graph in a child’s math book. Instead, it was almost as if her body contained a big pile of garden rubbish full both of heavy lumps of dirt and of sharp thorny brush that would stab her when she least expected it.”

1 month or 30 days or 720 hours or 43,200 minutes . . . every move the clock’s hands reminds me of the time passing.

In the last month:

I have had three more friends announce engagements, one announce a pregnancy and another give birth.

I have read five books totaling 1876 pages.

I have looked into moving with more sincerity than ever before and I don’t think that I will ask this time. Italy . . . Seattle . . . D.C . . . Hawaii . . . I do keep reminding myself that I really don’t enjoy the cold so some place warm would be nice. Maybe D.C. isn’t such a grand idea. After seeing Letters to Juliet, I am definitely missing Verona and all things Italy . . . but I am a sappy, hopeless romantic.

I have spent too much money.

I have gotten angry and again tried to prove to myself and the world that I can do it alone. How? Well for starters I had to figure out electronics because of the stupid changes my cable company made which required changes behind both my televisions. So I moved my 400 pound entertainment system by myself in order to get behind it to set things up. Let’s just say that I was sore for an entire week and probably did some damage if I really want to be honest about it.

I have been to the temple five times.

I have realized that a lot of the time I don’t really pay attention. I can’t believe how much I take for granted.

I have surprised myself. Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and suddenly realized just how much you knew? I have discovered recently that I am a fairly intelligent person. I know this is going to sound pompous, but I can hold conversations about a wide variety of subjects with knowledge and understanding behind it. I don’t think that I ever really have given myself credit for this since I would rather be listening than talking.

I have run a 5K. I have managed to obtain a sunburn. I have failed. I have held my new nephew and played with my nieces and nephews. I have rigorously scrubbed my house. I have played in the park. I have cried. I have paid a house payment. I have done visiting teaching. I have taught two classes. I have prayed. I have been courted by a duck. I have gone to movies. I have played with friends. I have written undelivered letters. I have had a facial. I have cooked. I have missed. I have driven for hours with the windows rolled down and the music cranked high. I have skipped church (okay it was only once and I just couldn’t do it). I have listened to the rain. I have hung pictures. I have made lists. I have desired.

There is so much more that could be added, but all isn’t meant to be shared. I have been told on occasion that no matter what I will be fine. That is a true statement. I don’t know how not to pull the work clothes on and dig my heels in. It is what I was taught to do and something that come naturally to me. I have responsibilities and people that count on me. I just don’t think that fine equates to happiness. Sure I can be fine, but is that enough?

1 Comments:

  • No, fine is no enough. You have to find happiness and someday you will find true happiness, whatever that is. Somedays we have found it and other days it is lost. Maybe look at it on a day to day basis, instead of overall life.

    By Blogger Gatlin Gang, At 1:58 AM  

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