May I please get off this rollercoaster?

Well with 2012 almost at a close, like a horrible accident on the side of the road . . . I just can’t help but look back at it.  This was a year that I never expected and certainly didn’t plan. 

I had aspired to accomplish such great feats this year and managed to do none of them.  Somebody else had different plans and those plans always take center stage in my life.  Although I am still wondering why and what now, I am also beginning to just accept and move forward. 

Selling a home and buying a new one, participating in my first triathlon, acclimating myself to a new neighborhood and ward, working far too many hours at work, spending a lot of time at the temple, receiving a call to one of my favorite callings as gospel doctrine teacher, making new friends and seeing old ones, watching people I love being sealed for time and all eternity, visiting lots of new exciting worlds through reading . . . . and so much more have been a part of what has made up my year. 

This year I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have any children of my own.  That was an excruciatingly painful pill to swallow, but I’ve learned that too isn’t the end of the world.  Learning to focus on things I do have control over and things that I can provide for myself has been a lesson that will be ever on going.  I am needing to jump one more hurdle with acceptance but that too will most likely come with time and hopefully some understanding.

My basement should be finished within the next couple of weeks.  I have a much needed trip planned to Spain and Portugal.  Work is still looking strong and is projected to be decent for at least the next couple of years.  I have a pile of books just begging to be read and another pile of recipes waiting to be made and tasted. 

As for this New Year, my knee-jerk reaction is to want to make lofty goals, but that quiet part of my soul that is still recovering from this year is softly urging me to just be still.  So I have decided that there will be no resolutions for me this year.  There is a pathway that I have painstakingly forged for all these years that will keep my feet going in the right direction as I will not stop proceeding.

This will be my year to try to find inner peace with who I am and what I am supposed to be doing to be of worth to the world and of service to my Heavenly Father outside the realm of long ago dreams.