“Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek.” - Jeffery R. Holland
It has taken me a while to write even though I know what I am writing about. First there is the decision of which one to write on next. I have known which five I was going to write about from the minute it was suggested that I do this, but as I have allowed memories that I typically block out to roll freely through my mind and heart I have had an automatic shut down on wanting to share. The second problem is that I could write a book about each of these men (if I was willing to share that is) and so choosing what to share has been a huge problem. Even though I just want to re-wrap my memories and keep them to myself, I promised myself that I would finish this out.
Throughout the years I have been incredibly blessed with groups of guy friends that are loving and kind and would kill anyone that dared cross my path. Looking back, I now understand why other women always seemed intimidated by my relationship with these men (which is a whole other blog entry that I may someday return to explain). I had been hanging out with such a group of male friends when I meet the one that would one day make my toes tingle. When I say hanging out, I really mean that all I didn’t really do was sleep there. I was at the house on almost a daily basis because one or all of them would summons me up there because they wanted some me time. I was already friends with him when he ended up moving into the house.
We spent two years being friends, good friends. I would be there to meet the newest girl in his life and then there later to listen and understand the pain of breakups. Nothing that wasn’t happening with all the other guys in the house, but there was closeness with him that wasn’t the same which I knew I was purposely ignoring. However it was harder to ignore when we would all go out dancing and he would invite me to the dance floor. There would be no talking and he would wrap me up and hold me close with one arm around my waist and the other holding my hand pulled in next to his chest. I honestly know that there was no talking because I couldn’t force myself to breath and my mind would become a mass of mush.
Our first official date (yes two years into knowing him) was to a formal dance that was being held up at the State Capital building. Yes, I am going to go from having a Sleeping Beauty experience with the first guy to Cinderella experience with him, so those that have a weak stomach better stop reading now, but I promise this is the last reference to Disney princesses.
He was in a tux and I was in a pretty great dress. He did everything that I expected and a few that I would have never thought was possible in anything but the movies. Of course all doors were opened for me and he led me into rooms with his hand on the small of my back. He also got my chair anytime I was going to sit down. He causally asked me what I was going to order when I set down my menu at the restaurant and then ordered for me when the waiter asked what we would be having. That was a first for me and I loved it. The real shock came when we got to the State Capital. For those of you who don’t know, there is a large amount of stairs that you have to climb in the front of the building before being able to enter. Well it was cold and snowing that night so he pulled the car up to the front of the building, got out to help me out of the car, escorted me up the stairs into the building and then ran to park the car. He kept his eyes on me the entire night. I felt like I was the only one there in his eyes. He held me tight and I felt the shift in his thinking about just being a friend. My shift had already happened so excitement flew all around us as we danced. It was fairly magical. Like I said, stuff that only occurs in movies.
Needless to say, the first kiss was that night and way down to my toes tingled. Have I ever told you that I have never experienced a bad kiss? Well it is true. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that I just won’t kiss someone until I am sure about my feelings for them or if I have just been lucky enough to have always kissed men that know what they are doing, but I won’t complain because I have heard some pretty horrible stories from others.
The greatest lesson that I learned from him was that I deserve to have someone that when he holds me I feel beautiful, protected, loved and that when it is right, he will never let go.
It has taken me a while to write even though I know what I am writing about. First there is the decision of which one to write on next. I have known which five I was going to write about from the minute it was suggested that I do this, but as I have allowed memories that I typically block out to roll freely through my mind and heart I have had an automatic shut down on wanting to share. The second problem is that I could write a book about each of these men (if I was willing to share that is) and so choosing what to share has been a huge problem. Even though I just want to re-wrap my memories and keep them to myself, I promised myself that I would finish this out.
Throughout the years I have been incredibly blessed with groups of guy friends that are loving and kind and would kill anyone that dared cross my path. Looking back, I now understand why other women always seemed intimidated by my relationship with these men (which is a whole other blog entry that I may someday return to explain). I had been hanging out with such a group of male friends when I meet the one that would one day make my toes tingle. When I say hanging out, I really mean that all I didn’t really do was sleep there. I was at the house on almost a daily basis because one or all of them would summons me up there because they wanted some me time. I was already friends with him when he ended up moving into the house.
We spent two years being friends, good friends. I would be there to meet the newest girl in his life and then there later to listen and understand the pain of breakups. Nothing that wasn’t happening with all the other guys in the house, but there was closeness with him that wasn’t the same which I knew I was purposely ignoring. However it was harder to ignore when we would all go out dancing and he would invite me to the dance floor. There would be no talking and he would wrap me up and hold me close with one arm around my waist and the other holding my hand pulled in next to his chest. I honestly know that there was no talking because I couldn’t force myself to breath and my mind would become a mass of mush.
Our first official date (yes two years into knowing him) was to a formal dance that was being held up at the State Capital building. Yes, I am going to go from having a Sleeping Beauty experience with the first guy to Cinderella experience with him, so those that have a weak stomach better stop reading now, but I promise this is the last reference to Disney princesses.
He was in a tux and I was in a pretty great dress. He did everything that I expected and a few that I would have never thought was possible in anything but the movies. Of course all doors were opened for me and he led me into rooms with his hand on the small of my back. He also got my chair anytime I was going to sit down. He causally asked me what I was going to order when I set down my menu at the restaurant and then ordered for me when the waiter asked what we would be having. That was a first for me and I loved it. The real shock came when we got to the State Capital. For those of you who don’t know, there is a large amount of stairs that you have to climb in the front of the building before being able to enter. Well it was cold and snowing that night so he pulled the car up to the front of the building, got out to help me out of the car, escorted me up the stairs into the building and then ran to park the car. He kept his eyes on me the entire night. I felt like I was the only one there in his eyes. He held me tight and I felt the shift in his thinking about just being a friend. My shift had already happened so excitement flew all around us as we danced. It was fairly magical. Like I said, stuff that only occurs in movies.
Needless to say, the first kiss was that night and way down to my toes tingled. Have I ever told you that I have never experienced a bad kiss? Well it is true. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that I just won’t kiss someone until I am sure about my feelings for them or if I have just been lucky enough to have always kissed men that know what they are doing, but I won’t complain because I have heard some pretty horrible stories from others.
The greatest lesson that I learned from him was that I deserve to have someone that when he holds me I feel beautiful, protected, loved and that when it is right, he will never let go.
posted by B at
11:12 AM
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