Just Rannin' Around

Monday, July 13, 2009

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” - Shakespeare

Saturday morning I was looking forward to rolling out of bed, putting on one of my tiniest swimming suits and spending the early afternoon soaking in every single ray of sunshine within unnumbered miles of my house. I should have known better than to get my hopes up of such a weekend. When I looked out my window on the way downstairs to throw in some laundry (by the way I have seriously considered going naked to avoid having to do laundry so frequently) I noticed that the sunshine had decided to yet again spend the weekend behind the dark, ugly clouds. It had even invited a nice gusty wind to join the party it had called. I may or may not have said a naughty word upon discovering the elements outside.

Instead I went back upstairs and put on my running essentials and hopped onto the treadmill. I blasted the music and ran until I thought that my legs were going to give out on me. Since I really had no desire to do a face plant onto the revolving mat and end up being a large splat against the wall, I turned it off and again peeked outside just in case the weather had changed its course. No such luck. After braving the weather to pull the millions of weeds out of my little garden, changing the laundry, doing some essential cleaning, putting clean sheets on my bed, reading some material for the day and basically putting off getting dressed and ready for the day, I finally gave up on the weather and got in the shower.

I had really outdone myself, so I curled up on the couch and took a nap. After running some errands and then making some chicken salad for sandwiches during the week, my eyes started to notice some bright yellow light coming from the outside world. I looked at the clock and realized that it was already six in the evening. Not wanting to miss the only sunshine I had seen the entire day, I threw on my hiking shoes and headed out (don’t worry my dad has already scolded me for going hiking by myself). I ended up at Ensign Peak and surprisingly, I found myself at an empty parking lot. I am a bit proud of myself because I was determined and for the first time ever, I made it all the way up to the top without stopping once (breathing was optional on this hike and I choose to not breath).

Once up at the top, alone, I found a nice spot to park myself to find my lungs again. While I was forcing air in and out a few others made their way to the top. They stayed for a while, had me take some pictures for them and then they headed back down. With the chance to be by myself I found myself singing out loud. It made me laugh and quite embarrassed me to realize that the others may not yet be far enough down and that my voice could probably still be heard not to mention that I had no clue as to whether or not someone else was coming up. Oh well. I wasn’t in the mood to really care so I had a nice conversation out loud. I talked through quite a few things and was grateful for the time.

I skipped down the trail and smiled at the groups making their way up the hill. There were a couple of women being dragged up the hill by boyfriends and one that decided that she was just not having anything to do with the hike. He couldn’t talk her into going any further even though she was already half way up. I tried to encourage her with that information, but she wasn’t going to budge. Poor guy.

Since I was already in the neighborhood, on the way back down I stopped at the State Capital and spent some time wondering around the grounds. I hadn’t been there since they finished all their renovations. It was absolutely beautiful.

Over the last month or so, I have taken to writing lists of improvements that I want to make to make myself better. I pondered a lot of what was on one of these lists while I was out on Saturday. Here are a few things that I have discovered all about one thing concerning my personality that I am attempting to tweak (and I will make this a lot shorter than what is on the list since this blog is getting extremely long already):

-I never want to offend anyone and off-the-cuff I tend to be a bit harsh.
I am very opinionated and stubborn. I am afraid that something I say will make them go away.

-Opening up means the possibility of getting hurt.
I would rather have someone else in the spotlight. I have issues thinking that I am boring so even the slight indication of that from someone I am having a discussion with and the switch to my mouth gets flipped to the off position rather quickly.

-I refuse to talk over anything/anyone including but not limited to the radio, television, computer, cell phone (calls and texting).
If that is where the attention is focused, who am I to interrupt.

These few items came off a very extensive list concerning an issue that I want to become better at dealing with. It is just one small step that I know that I need to take. I am still figuring out how to let go of my control issues, but that is a topic in and of itself.

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