“Cynicism is not realistic and tough. It’s unrealistic and kind of cowardly, because it means that you don’t have to try.” –Peggy Noonan

I must admit that it is a little bit hard for me to believe that another year has already passed. Yet here I sit on December 30th with only one more day separating 2009 from 2010.

Reflection of the past year has definitely taken up residence in my mind as of late. Since I am my own worst critic, I see room for much improvement. However I am also reminded just how good life is most of the time if I focus on the correct things.

Looking forward to the upcoming year has not been an easy feat for me. I am coming into this year kicking and screaming. I understand that throwing a temper tantrum is very unbecoming and will not stop the hands of time, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Luckily, for the most part I don’t subject many to have to witness these bouts of childish rantings (they actually usually look more like me in tears).

So now it is time to grasp that, ready or not, it is coming.

I have my cyclical goals. One would think that they would cease being goals at some point, but since I still have to work on them, I still consider them goals and not habits.

One of my new goals invokes fear straight through my entire body.

I am going to take voice lessons. I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time, but singing in front of people makes me want to throw up. This makes me sad because I love to sing. I have overcome this slightly due to the fact that my ward is tiny. It was very unnerving when I could hear myself singing during Sacrament meeting since out of that already tiny ward, only about a third of them sing. I have learned to not let that bother me anymore, but I would like to be able to know that I at least sound good if they all have to listen to me. I want to get to the point where I can sing anywhere, in front of anyone and not feel self conscious about it.

I’m also going to work on being more giving. I am looking into a few volunteer opportunities that would help me feel like I am making a difference somewhere.

I know that I am a control freak and I am going to really work on allowing others to be in charge. I honestly think that I will become a softer, kinder person by giving up always needing to control my situation, the way things are done, ect. This one is going to really be hard for me, by controlling I allow myself to stay in my comfort zone.

I figure that is a good place to start.