Just Rannin' Around

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Always the rule, never the exception

When I watch movies, I typically only watch them as a form of entertainment and don’t find myself shocked by the precision of my reality being shown up on the screen. The movie . . . He’s Just Not That Into You. It would take me pages and pages to explain every little way that this movie emotionally nailed me to the wall and then proceeded to spoon feed me the harsh truths that I have always known but have chosen to carefully hide in order to make myself feel better in the moment. I actually saw this movie on opening night, but I have been forcing myself to really open my eyes and acknowledge these truths concerning my life.

The overall message that I have come to the conclusion of is that I am the rule. As I have looked over past relationships, I have to take much of the blame myself for allowing my heart to get so involved because these guys have basically screamed at me that I was the rule. Everything they did, or more appropriately put, everything that they didn’t do should have told me that they really were just bidding time with me. So here are the two biggest issues about myself that I have discovered. . . .

-I ask out for the first date
-I initiate most of the contact

In other words, I am the one pursuing. Why? I am impatient and I worry after waiting for a while that if I don’t they won’t. Shall we re-name me along side John Madden? Hello Captain Obvious, if they aren’t calling you or asking you out or even getting your number well that means that they aren’t interested! There is a reason that they are asking out all those other girls and not you.

For anyone that has ever done personality tests (although I don’t consider them religion, they do have some validity), I am a type-A, red. When I see something that I want and find it is worth my time and attention, I go after it. With most things in life, I am successful because I am not willing to quit and I know that there is a way. Looking at that statement in black and white, I can see why people would view me as a bit intimidating. However, I have known this about myself for years and so I tend to try to take the edge off when it involves other people, especially men. Maybe I am not successful and with the two issues listed above, it is fairly evident that I am not doing as well as I thought.

Over this past year I had already forced myself to understand that I was the one doing the pursuing and have really put in some effort to at least not do that. The results are that I haven’t been on a date for almost a year, but something great has also come out of it. I have truly determined that unless a man pursues me, he really isn’t worth the time, attention and love that I can offer him. I want someone who is willing to put in as much energy and care into me as I am willing to put into him. In other words, if he wants me he is going to have to do the work to get me. Maybe I am asking too much, but I have learned that unless a man is willing to do this (and I have seen time and time and time again that every single one of them are when they are interested) that I don’t need to torture myself with all the analysis of all the whys.

I have also been becoming more and more comfortable with what I think are some of my most attractive strengths, but seem not to be what are attractive to the male gender. The one that really doesn’t make ANY sense to me and probably never will is that I don’t have to be rescued. I am not the damsel in distress. If there is a problem in front of me; if someone else needs help; if something needs to get done; if I have messed up; if a decision needs to be made; if I need to get out of something; I take responsibility and find the necessary tools (people, information, a hammer, ect.) to fix whatever is broken. I don’t just throw my hand up on my forehead and cry until someone does it for me. I am there as an equal not someone that will always have to be towed (which seems like it would be so exhausting and frustrating in the long run).

The short of it is that I am a fantastic catch that you aren’t going to find in many other women, but from now on . . . catch me if you can because I am not going to swim up to the line and tug on it any more. I am more than worth the work!

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