"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists!" -Woody Allen
It was an exhausting night last night.
I really wish that I could figure out why I am having nightmares. I didn't watch anything on television. The only things that I did yesterday was go to work, then to my voice lesson and then to a BBQ with a bunch of married couples. Nothing that should have lead me into the disastrous, sleepless night I endured.
It was a constant stream of violence that changed every time I closed my eyes. The scenes changed from me attempting to stop some abuse against a random woman in the streets and the attacker turning his anger on me to being the victim of an **abusive father . . . and everything in between. **(My own dad would never in a million years lift a finger against anyone, especially against his wife and children. Anyone who knows my dad knows that. In my dreams, this monster that was my "father" was someone I have never seen in my life.)
Finally at about 5:00 this morning I woke up in tears, truly feeling fear and just needing some comfort and protection. The only thought that kept coming to me was the closest thing I had to getting it was a pillow and a blanket out of the downstairs closet and then to curl up on the couch. I have to admit that thought just brought sad tears and so I stayed up in my bed and just refused to shut my eyes again.
I shouldn't be having these stupid nightmares. I don't watch shows that have violence in them because I know that it affects me. The closest thing to violence that has ever happened to me is when a guy told me that he was going to rape me (and my brother and a friend that just happened to be a professional kick boxer went and told him what would happen to him if he ever even looked at me cross eyed . . . believe me he never even thought about looking at me again) and that was more than 18 years ago. Oh and I suppose that I could even count my almost kidnapping, but that was more than 25 years ago.
What is causing me to not feel safe? Any suggestions on how one stops having nightmares?
It was an exhausting night last night.
I really wish that I could figure out why I am having nightmares. I didn't watch anything on television. The only things that I did yesterday was go to work, then to my voice lesson and then to a BBQ with a bunch of married couples. Nothing that should have lead me into the disastrous, sleepless night I endured.
It was a constant stream of violence that changed every time I closed my eyes. The scenes changed from me attempting to stop some abuse against a random woman in the streets and the attacker turning his anger on me to being the victim of an **abusive father . . . and everything in between. **(My own dad would never in a million years lift a finger against anyone, especially against his wife and children. Anyone who knows my dad knows that. In my dreams, this monster that was my "father" was someone I have never seen in my life.)
Finally at about 5:00 this morning I woke up in tears, truly feeling fear and just needing some comfort and protection. The only thought that kept coming to me was the closest thing I had to getting it was a pillow and a blanket out of the downstairs closet and then to curl up on the couch. I have to admit that thought just brought sad tears and so I stayed up in my bed and just refused to shut my eyes again.
I shouldn't be having these stupid nightmares. I don't watch shows that have violence in them because I know that it affects me. The closest thing to violence that has ever happened to me is when a guy told me that he was going to rape me (and my brother and a friend that just happened to be a professional kick boxer went and told him what would happen to him if he ever even looked at me cross eyed . . . believe me he never even thought about looking at me again) and that was more than 18 years ago. Oh and I suppose that I could even count my almost kidnapping, but that was more than 25 years ago.
What is causing me to not feel safe? Any suggestions on how one stops having nightmares?
Side note: This is my 500th post!
posted by B at
12:48 PM
3 Comments:
Maybe Caleb and I WILL move in with you in November ;-)
By
The Hardles, At
8:47 AM
Yikes, I'm sorry B. That is no fun. Unfortuantly I haven't figured out how not to have crazy dreams. Let us not forget the midget cheerleaders, but at least that one wasn't scary, unless small people scare you....
By
Sarah, At
12:20 PM
Read your scriptures and do some serious praying. What's this about an almost kidnapping?!
By
Gatlin Gang, At
10:15 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home