Just Rannin' Around

Thursday, February 25, 2010

"If you fail to plant desires in your subconscious mind, it will feed upon the thoughts which reach it as the result of your neglect."
-Napoleon Hill

Last night I learned that lesson the hard way. The last thing that I did before I went to bed was check my email. That has to be from where the dream originated. Actually, I know that is the reason since it is the only thing that even makes sense. That will teach me to make sure that I focus on specific thoughts before going to bed.

The email was from a friend. It was an invitation to a party this weekend for a last dance party he is throwing before he gets married. This friend just also happens to be the former roommate and best friend of my last boyfriend. So of course I automatically thought of him by default. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. I'm over him and hope that he is happy.

Evidently my subconscious wasn't as easily satisfied. I had a dream about him last night.

In the dream I was standing in the middle of a crowded room at this party (that hasn't taken place yet) talking to someone when I noticed him. He was determinedly crossing the room, not taking his eyes from me. Only when he reached me and looked deep into my eyes did he hesitate as it he was surprised that I was standing in front of him. So I started the conversation by asking him how his wife and child were doing. We stood there surrounded by faceless people talking about everything and nothing.

Time is a funny thing in dreams. I would say that hours had passed while we talked, him never taking his eyes away from mine, but in reality dreams only last seconds.

Soon it was time to say goodbye. He wrapped me in his arms and just held me like he would never again see me. It was warm, comfortable, safe. At that exact moment his wife appeared at his side and he let go of me and took her hand.

Dream ended.

Maybe it is because I haven't had anyone for more than two years now that wants to be with me, hold me without wanting to let go, love me, but it felt so incredibly good.

Reality stung the minute my eyes fluttered open.

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