Weaknesses.

I have too many to count. My eyes were opened a few days ago and I came to realize that there are additional areas on which I have to work. I knew that there was something wrong, but nobody could (or maybe would) ever help me see it. It was immensely enlightening and releaving to finally have somewhere to start to improve who I am and how I deal with life in that specific area.

I am an incredibly social individual. I always have been. I don't have a shy bone in my body. I will talk to anyone, anytime, about almost anything. That is, if I feel like my heart is safe from being trashed. This is fairly easy to do until a relationship progresses above the friendship level. I have an instant panic button that turns on whenever I feel like I am wondering out of my safe zone. How do I handle it? Easy, I stop talking. I become quiet or I switch subjects and avoid talking about me. The more they know about me, the more ability they have to hurt me because I feel an attachment to them.

What do I have to hide? Nothing. I don't have any grand secrets. My issue is that I don't think that anyone will be interested in just me. By letting them in, they might just see through my independant, strong will, hard outer shell. They will see my weaknesses, all of them. They will see that I am not as "perfect" as everyone seems to think I am.

I have determined that I have to let my logical mind overrule my emotional heart. When I begin to panic, which I always do even though I am really good at hiding it while it is happening, I will have to remind myself that the brain is in charge, not the heart. It is something that is going to take a lot of work, but it will be worth it to try and fix the issue.

Improvement always hurts, but the sight of progression and increased feeling of self-worth is priceless.