Nothing, nothing

 

There is another place in which my mind likes to wonder.  Recently I find that I allow it to be there more than it should.   This is a place which nobody else is ever invited.  Usually because I sense that for the most part that it would cause fear to course through their veins and they would never be heard from again.   This is the place where I process everything from my thoughts to my emotions and everything in between.

 

So many things I don't understand and the feeling of helplessness have caused much doubt and concern.  Knowing that I am so close and yet further away than ever before is frustrating.  Wanting so badly to reach out and hold on tight, but absolutely knowing that it would cause the most damage.   The desire to give all I have and yet fighting overwhelming fears of rejection.  Having wells of overflowing joy around every corner I turn and not comprehending just how to share brings rivers of tears.

 

Life is an amazing process…..one that I typically do not fully comprehend.  I see some things as clearly as one can see the bottom of Lake Tahoe and understand others as murky as the waters of Lake Powell.  Sometimes I feel so lost, completely misunderstood and eternally alone while at other points I clearly see the direction, communicate perfectly and feel enveloped by love.  

 

How I wish that I was able to pour my heart and mind out onto this page!