Kicking against the Pricks
Stopping to take a breath, looking around I find myself in the middle of a brier field laden with fierce needles all seemingly aching to be the next to dig into my skin for the sole pleasure of causing me pain. Slowly my eyes move downward from the view of the needles to the throbbing of my legs. Everything from my knees down is covered in blood. Thousands of needles have penetrated my skin, most of which are either still there or have left a mark as a reminder of the damage it created.
How did I end up here? I don’t remember willing running into the brier field. I saw it on the left and knowingly made up my mind to avoid it at all costs. After all, I had been in it before and the unforgettable pain that it caused. Then I hear that laugh. The laugh that one not only hears, but feels and then it is known yet again that I failed.
“Good job stupid, you let me get you again.” Guilt and darkness begin to press in around as hope seems to start fading into some place that is unreachable. “I told you that you weren’t strong enough to stay on that road. I told you that it was too hard. You should really just give up and make it easier on yourself.”
I hate feeling like he is right. I hate feeling empty. I hate feeling the pain. I hate feeling the guilt. Then I start to remember and the throbbing in my legs increase. It was one little tiny mistake and I let it build from there rather than correcting the situation at the beginning. I stopped reading. Why did something so seemingly little end up with me in the middle of the brier patch? This time a different feeling, a soft voice enters my head and my heart.
“Sweet child, don’t you realize that you are mine?” Love and light lift me as if I am floating and tears immediately fill my eyes. “Mistakes are made and I have prepared a way for you to get back onto the path that it meant for you to take. Your potential is unlimited for you are Mine. Divine nature flows through your veins and you can accomplish and overcome everything that is placed in front of you if you are willing to trust and follow My will.”
I again look around me. From my vantage point there are two paths from which I have to choose. That of continuing further into the brier patch or that of making my way back to where I can have the pricks painfully plucked out, carefully dressed for healing and sent down a path which I can not see what was ahead. Neither way would be a quick to stop the pain for I was required to move through what I had already gotten myself into, but only one way would eventually stop the pain because it would take me out of the place that was causing it.
Happiness is a choice. Sometimes I think that we are deceived and lead to believe that we do not deserve to be happy because of the decision that we have made in our lives. When we hold to that idea it is becomes destructive because then we begin to think that what we do no longer matters. Instant gratification and pleasure is sought to fill the emptiness of not having true joy and happiness in our lives which typically perpetuate the cycle. The lie is that the brier patch doesn’t just stay at our knees as we continue deeper it slowly climbs until we can no longer see because it is over our heads. Every part of us aches wanting what we then believe is no longer possible. The truth is that we were sent here to learn, to grow, to return. The Plan is the Plan of Happiness, not just for some but for every single one of us no matter what mistakes we have made. There is a way. It requires work and dedication. However the ironic part is that the lone and dreary way is twice the work we just don’t look at it for some reason.
Stopping to take a breath, looking around I find myself in the middle of a brier field laden with fierce needles all seemingly aching to be the next to dig into my skin for the sole pleasure of causing me pain. Slowly my eyes move downward from the view of the needles to the throbbing of my legs. Everything from my knees down is covered in blood. Thousands of needles have penetrated my skin, most of which are either still there or have left a mark as a reminder of the damage it created.
How did I end up here? I don’t remember willing running into the brier field. I saw it on the left and knowingly made up my mind to avoid it at all costs. After all, I had been in it before and the unforgettable pain that it caused. Then I hear that laugh. The laugh that one not only hears, but feels and then it is known yet again that I failed.
“Good job stupid, you let me get you again.” Guilt and darkness begin to press in around as hope seems to start fading into some place that is unreachable. “I told you that you weren’t strong enough to stay on that road. I told you that it was too hard. You should really just give up and make it easier on yourself.”
I hate feeling like he is right. I hate feeling empty. I hate feeling the pain. I hate feeling the guilt. Then I start to remember and the throbbing in my legs increase. It was one little tiny mistake and I let it build from there rather than correcting the situation at the beginning. I stopped reading. Why did something so seemingly little end up with me in the middle of the brier patch? This time a different feeling, a soft voice enters my head and my heart.
“Sweet child, don’t you realize that you are mine?” Love and light lift me as if I am floating and tears immediately fill my eyes. “Mistakes are made and I have prepared a way for you to get back onto the path that it meant for you to take. Your potential is unlimited for you are Mine. Divine nature flows through your veins and you can accomplish and overcome everything that is placed in front of you if you are willing to trust and follow My will.”
I again look around me. From my vantage point there are two paths from which I have to choose. That of continuing further into the brier patch or that of making my way back to where I can have the pricks painfully plucked out, carefully dressed for healing and sent down a path which I can not see what was ahead. Neither way would be a quick to stop the pain for I was required to move through what I had already gotten myself into, but only one way would eventually stop the pain because it would take me out of the place that was causing it.
Happiness is a choice. Sometimes I think that we are deceived and lead to believe that we do not deserve to be happy because of the decision that we have made in our lives. When we hold to that idea it is becomes destructive because then we begin to think that what we do no longer matters. Instant gratification and pleasure is sought to fill the emptiness of not having true joy and happiness in our lives which typically perpetuate the cycle. The lie is that the brier patch doesn’t just stay at our knees as we continue deeper it slowly climbs until we can no longer see because it is over our heads. Every part of us aches wanting what we then believe is no longer possible. The truth is that we were sent here to learn, to grow, to return. The Plan is the Plan of Happiness, not just for some but for every single one of us no matter what mistakes we have made. There is a way. It requires work and dedication. However the ironic part is that the lone and dreary way is twice the work we just don’t look at it for some reason.
posted by B at
10:39 PM
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