“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small and the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.”

If you haven’t heard or really listened to the song Let It Go by Demi Lovato go immediately to youtube and take a listen.  Really, I’ll wait . . . .

I haven’t seen Frozen yet so this is purely just off the song itself and nothing to do with the movie.  I don’t think that a song has hit so close to home for me in a long time.  Sometimes it shocks me how someone else can write the words that speaks for my heart.  I’m sure that I am taking on meanings that are applicable to my life and how I feel but that is the beauty of music. . . it allows us to do exactly that. 

For some time now I have been contemplating letting go of some things that probably should have been let go years ago.  It is not always easy to let go and sometimes as you peel back one layer it just reveals others that also need to be released.  As I stare down the barrel of the big four-zero fast approaching in a little over a year, I know that there is no more time to procrastinate the inevitable.   

I have a list of items that I would really like to accomplish before that day arrives.  It’s kind of a big deal to me and I’m having a lot of anxiety already about it.  I need to get some things in line so that I can tackle that day with a positive attitude about the life still in front of me.

With that said and so much left unsaid, this is where I say goodbye.  After almost ten years of blogging on this site it is time to let it go.  This is one of the layers I discovered beneath something else much larger.  It has been a great outlet for me over the years and I’m sad that it is coming to an end, but I know that it is one of those things that will ultimately help me get to where I now need to be heading in life. 

Thank you to those that took the time to read and for those that would even take the extra time to comment.  It means so much to me.

“Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, keep secrets like a sister and share love like a friend.”

 I don’t think that it is any secret that I love my family.  They are my strength and the solid ground beneath my feet.  They can make me laugh the hardest, boil my blood the hottest and calm my storms the fastest.  They definitely remind me that I am a part of something bigger than myself.  I don’t know if heaven will ever be fully prepared for what will hit them when we all get there.  My family is not perfect, but it is perfect for me.

 Here is the newest member of my family . . .

I’m already in love with her, my little Katelyn.  These nieces and nephews of mine are the joys of my life. 

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.”

Without a question or second thought, I can validate that statement in my case as a true fact.  My parents have been a solid standing place in my life through which I have weathered some fierce storms.  They created a home so filled with love, security and encouragement that we felt free and safe to explore and grow into individuals.  One of the most amazing things about my parents is that they didn’t just provide this for us, their children, but for neighborhood kids and our friends and anyone else that needed it.  The door to our home was always open.  Judgment was never allowed.  We were never the most spiritual household on the block . . . but I would dare say that my parents are some of the most Christ-like people that I know.

This Wednesday my mom is going in for her third heart surgery.  My dad was currently diagnosed with a slow growing prostate cancer.  The reality of losing them increases each year and the weight of that sometimes knocks me to the ground.  Losing a parent, I’m positive, is never easy for anyone.  I understand that this is morbid to even think about but it is a reality that hits each time something of this nature occurs and forces the mind to ponder. 

It doesn’t seem to hit my siblings as hard as it does me.  As I’ve thought about it, I understand why a bit more.  They all have a spouse.  They all have children.  They have families of their own and other people to lean on.  For me, my parents are still my entire world.  They are who I call when I need to cry or when I have done something to celebrate or when I just want to talk and really have nothing to say.  That is where I comfortably spend holidays where traditions I love are done.  That is where I find my comfort, security and unconditional love.  I have amazing friends whom I adore.  I couldn’t ask for better siblings whom I dearly love.  However when push comes to shove, they have their own families that need their time, attention and love.  I get it and I am so extremely happy they do have that blessing.  I think it comes down to the thought of losing my parents to me equals truly being alone. 

I know that I am not the first person to ever go through this and I know that I will not be the last.  Honestly this isn’t even about a pity party. . . I just needed to write it out.  Writing for me tends to calm me.  I’ve been carrying around a lot of anxiety about this for the last little while and needed to dump some of it.  My parents will be between my house and the hospital for the next two weeks starting today and I need to be a support not a worry.

So if you remember, prayers for my parents are needed and appreciated.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do

I don't like spending money but there are times that it becomes necessary.  The Trailblazer was struggling.  I have 153000 miles on the poor thing.  It is still a great car which is why it is still in my garage (they wanted to do a trade in for a lousy $1000 . . . um go jump in a lake).  I will use it when I go camping or on really bad snow days or just because I want to.  However it was getting to the point that I didn't trust driving home by myself anymore.  Since I was needing a new ride anyway and I was going to keep the Trailblazer, I wanted something with much better gas mileage.

Meet the newest addition at my house . . .

It is a Chevy Malibu and I am really liking it.  I only have to fill up with gas every other week verses every single week and I feel much more comfortable about making long drives by myself. 

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among things hoped for."

My family was never really huge into Halloween.  However I work with a bunch of people that think Halloween is THE holiday of the year.  I've tried to get more into the spirit of it for them.  I have to say that this year I think that I finally did good. 

I've had several people tell me that I look great with gray hair . . . not an expected compliment, but I will take it nonetheless. 

The office theme this year was super heroes/villians.  I choose Storm from the Xmen.  Spandex was risky but heck, you only live once.  Why not make it as fun as possible!

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles . . . by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”  -Mark Twain

Sometimes I think that I allow responsibility to become too big in my life.  There definitely needs to be a balance that I have yet to master.  However there are times that I will just drop kick responsibility to the curb and play.

I love weekends away . . . especially when they are close to the ocean!

“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours!’”

 You know you laughed!  How could you not?  It is funny in that it is so true sort of way.  I still find myself giggling every time I look up and re-read it.  So now you know that I am very easily entertained. 

It has been dark and dreary all day long outside with non-stop rain.  Not that it is terrible because I love a day or two like this when I can curl up by the fireplace and lose myself in a good book, but today this just seems to be the beginning of Mother Nature holding her middle finger up and calling in the start of her seasonal nastiness.  Let’s just say winter is not my favorite season. 

The only thing that I am looking forward to is down time.  Winter I don’t feel as inclined or as guilty sitting at home reading or watching movies all weekend long because the weather is not conducive to being outside.  I am thinking there will be some serious movie-a-thons in the next proceeding months.  There are quite a few movies and movie series that I have been meaning to re-watch and snow days are always a great excuse.  Anyone is welcome to join.  Or if you prefer a read-a-thon, I will be having plenty of those also.  Book suggestions are needed.

Well I guess it is time to watch for flights into places with year-round sunshine!!