Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
Back in touch
Sometimes the paths which we choose in this life pull us away from people that have been our world for a moment in time. I allow myself to become too attached to people that peek their heads into my world. I love them like they will never leave. Funny thing is that I love them after they make their exit. They just aren't aware that once they have a piece of my heart they are always a part of my life.
Last week I had a friend call me. Not that it is unusual for friends to contact me, but this time it was a friend who had sent a very generic email to me out of the blue asking me not to contact him anymore because he was trying to make a relationship work and his girlfriend was uncomfortable with him having female friends. Out of respect, I did exactly that. It had been a year and a half since that email. It wasn't easy to not contact him so I erased his phone numbers out of my phone and got rid of his email. I had to. It was too much not to call him on his birthday or to tell him about my day. This was someone that I would spend hours on the phone with and would spend even more time together. He would drop by my work just because and I called him when I needed hugs. Not something that was easily thrown away after years of having him there.
He was incredibly timid when he said hello, but I immediately recognized his voice and had to hold back the tears. It had been a month since they had broken up, but he didn't know what to say to me after so long and wasn't sure how I would react. Then he remembered that it was me and that I only fight for 2.3 seconds. We talked forever, but it still didn't seem long enough. The ironic thing is that in all honesty we have absolutely nothing in common…..not religion, not culture, not values, not family life, not interests, nothing. However, we talk about everything. There is no holding back with our thoughts and opinions. I made him promise to keep in touch and call me the next time he was in town because he was severely behind on hugs. He agreed.
Yesterday I locked myself in my bedroom and took advantage of some alone time. I needed to sort some things out that I had been avoiding. I realized just how many people have blessed my life throughout the years. I distinctly remember the heartache that follows someone disappearing from the spotlight in my heart to the backdrops of the shadows. The memories however are ones that always bring sunshine into my life and love into my heart. No matter the time that laps or the circumstances which cause the distance, the hurt always fades and I am able to remember just the enduring qualities of that person. As I prepare for changes in my life, this is something to which I will cling.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Peace, joy and love
I have spent a lot of time recently studying the topic of personal revelation. It is a topic which has always been fascinating to me since I was young and one that has touched my life more times that I can count. As I have been contemplating and trying to gain a greater understanding, I have stood in awe at the incredible power that is involved in this sweet gift of the Spirit.
It was a pleasant surprise when I went to Institute on Tuesday night to find that the lesson being presented revolved completely around this exact subject. Sometimes Heavenly Father sends His love in the smallest ways if we but open our eyes and acknowledge from where they really come. Most of the information was grand reminders of things which I already knew, however there was an enlightenment of pieces that I had not ever seen before.
There is a line of authority in each of our lives. The one thing that I sometimes forget is that at the beginning of the line is me. I have not only the authority, but an obligation to receive revelation for my own life. I ultimately am the one responsibility for the choices and decisions which I make in my life and I am the one that reports at the judgment bar to my Heavenly Father. The direct relationship between me and my Heavenly Father is the one that I need to trust and lean on with my full heart and soul. I have been promised that I can receive inspiration and guidance for my life and what the Lord promises, He is bound to when I do what He says.
Along the way, there are also others placed that can receive revelation for me. Those include my parents, my Bishop, my Stake President, the leaders of the church and through worthy priesthood holders who have stewardship over me. However I have been reminded through my studying and pondering that I can receive confirmation for any revelation given to me through any of the above group and that it is my obligation to know for myself. What an amazing blessing!! There is no following blind, it is having a knowledge and confirmation, a testimony for myself concerning things that affect me.
I think that one of the most difficult parts of revelation is determining whether or not it is coming from God. The scriptures clarify in a great many places. Although one could spend a lifetime studying the intricacies of such a topic, there are basically three ways that an inquirer of truth will know, that being they will know it in their heart, mind and it will motivate them to righteous action and will be followed by peace, pure joy and love. I still doubt myself at times and recently have learned some additional tidbits that make me stop and know that I have been guided. See sometimes I know that I was guided by looking back and seeing how I got where I currently am.
Some of the new information which I became aware of on Tuesday night in class really made my heart sing. See I am not supposed to look for signs, but I can ask for "fleeces". Signs are for those looking to be made believers and won't move until they receive one. However looking for a "fleece" is just looking for further encouragement, but already determined and moving to do what God would have me do. The story of the fleece is found in Judges 6 in the Old Testament. Sometimes I need reassurance and what a blessing to know that I can ask for exactly that. Of course the best thing to remember is that as we go through life, we will make mistakes. This is where the blessing of the Atonement comes into play. That, my friends, is another whole lifetime study.
Although I still have much learning and growing to do, knowing that I don't have to do it by myself is worth more than anything any mortal can offer me.
Post Script: As of yesterday, I have now been blogging for one full year. Time sure flies!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
It is the wildest sensation to still occasionally feel the rock of the ship while knowing without a doubt that I am on solid ground……
Hmmm, I am going to have to chew on that one for a while!
Monday, September 12, 2005
7-night Royal Caribbean Cruise - $554.15
Zip-Line Tour in Jamaica and Scuba Diving in Grand Cayman and Cozumel - $265.00
Creating memories that last a lifetime with 17 fabulous friends – Priceless!!
WOW!! What an amazing adventure!! I have discovered a new way of traveling and I must admit that it might now become my favorite way. Everything is taken care of and there is not a worry in the world while lounging around on the decks of a cruise ship. I was impressed with the service and diversity of activities from which there were to choose.
Although I am excited enough to share every little moment, I will spare everyone the play-by-play details and slide show and just bore my family with it later. Instead I will just report that I had an incredible time and was able to take enough alone time to really focus on things that I need to do in my life. No clear cut answers still….just hanging around and waiting some more. I think I was a little less frustrated this time with not knowing due to the fact that I was lying on a chair in the sun on the deck of a ship in front of a pool in the middle of the ocean (hard to have troubles in such circumstances).
Thank you to all 17 of my wonderful friends (who couldn't always find me in my hiding places on the ship) made the vacation the grandest of adventures!! I love you all!!! Thank you for coming with me!!
Side note to Spazgirl: Although I was the R.S. President doesn't mean that I don't know what is REALLY needed! J Sorry I had to miss the bridal shower my friend, but I did leave that "treat" basket and my thoughts! Love you girl!!
Friday, September 02, 2005
Miss me while I'm gone!
Finally!! I thought that it would never get here. Tomorrow I get to board a plane and head to Texas and then it is off to the Caribbean from there. I will report back on Monday, September 12th!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Thanks to all the spam that blogger is allowing into the comment section, my work has officially blocked use of that system. I can no longer post from my computer at work or make/see comments on anyone else's blog unless they use haloscan. It makes me sad, but what is one to do.
I owe a huge thank you to BP for setting my blog up with haloscan and for making it possible for me to email posts into the system. I am not so smart when it comes to computers, so thanks for coming to my rescue!