Dreams that make you go hmmm
I like to have control of my universe. This includes my thoughts and feelings. I learned again last night that sometimes my subconscious enjoys making me wonder.
I awoke startled around 3:30 this morning. The first thing on my mind..... "what the heck was that all about?” I didn’t have control of my feelings. I didn’t have control over the thoughts that were running across the stage of my mind faster that I could hurl them off. Why? Why now? It has been a little over 4 years since it began and in a few months, a little over 4 years since it ended. I don’t remember all that much of the dream, just seconds actually. However the feelings surged throughout my body making it impossible to slip right back to sleep.
Let’s see what you think….
In the dream (the only portion that I remember that is), I was sitting snuggly next to my ex-boyfriend. I was slightly leaned forward talking to a group of friends that I couldn’t see in the dream since the only thing I saw was the two of us, but I know that the situation in which we were involved. He had his arm behind me with his had resting on my back and his eyes focused on nothing but me. There was a soft glow in his eyes and just the slightest bit of a smile turning the corners of his mouth. It was a look that I became very familiar with while we were dating and one of the things that I missed the most when it was over.
That is all that I remember of the dream. That look haunts me. Not because it is a bad thing, on the contrary, it made me feel safe, respected, special, beautiful, needed, honored and loved. It haunts me because I fear that no one will ever look at me that way again.
It has honestly been a long time since I last thought of him in that sense, so why last night? I don’t know.