Just Rannin' Around

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Straight to, no hand basket required….


The last couple of days I have become more and more enraged.  This isn't just my normal end-of-the-month hair pulling anger (I have chocolate for that), but the occurrence of yet more students being terrorized while at school.   As I have followed the news out of Colorado, I want to somehow give back to these students their carefree innocence of being that age.  Those are days to remember with fondness and laughter, not with sadness and terror.  


Not that I condone this behavior from children their own age, but at least it is a little more understandable and forgivable.   Being that age is tough with peers that can be relentlessly cruel.  So much is changing and life, in and of itself, can be harsh.  To someone that isn't fully aware of the reality of the consequences of all their actions or how it affects those surrounding them, decisions to act out of revenge or anger might seem to be the only answer.   Again, not to say that this is the answer or that it makes it okay as long as it is a teenager that has cracked, but at least it makes an inkling of sense.


The mere fact that a 54-year old pervert could walk into a random high school, put children up against the chalkboard and then dismiss everyone with the exception of six female students, disgusts me.   Then he proceeds to sexually assault these girls before eventually letting four of them go, killing one of them and then killing himself.  What has to be done to keep people safe in this world?   These are children at school.  We know that the teacher was in the classroom when he entered.  I have been put in a few situations that were extremely dangerous and I dare say that had I been in that classroom I would have refused to leave without everyone of those students with me.  


I am just bold enough that I probably would have either ended up dead or had the gunman curled up in a ball on the floor rocking and crying by the time the police entered the room.   I just don't see leaving children to deal with that situation on their own.  Where is society heading?!?!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Four words you never want to hear over the intercom when you go to pick your car up from the shop and after waiting for 20 minutes for them to pull it up……


"I can't find it"

Sunday, September 17, 2006


I am beginning to realize that I should never sleep anywhere except my own bed. When I am not at home, curled up in the comforts of familiar surroundings, I don’t sleep as well and then dreams are remembered.

This past week I have been on a family vacation far, far away in Park City. :) It was so wonderful to be with 20 members of my immediate family (yes that really does just include my parents and siblings, their spouses and children). For me, family means everything! They are a source of strength and truly the only people that I absolutely, without a doubt, know will always be in my life no matter what my moods or decisions or where life takes me. I don’t ever question, nor doubt their love and support. Sure we are crazy, but life is better with a little crazy!

Since I was in Park City for the week, I was not sleeping as soundly and my dreams were taking me to places that I thought I had boxed up tightly and carefully discarded after appropriately wading through the emotions. I still have yet to figure out why I went back to these specific journeys, but the unusual part was that they would start at the beginning of the timeline, flash through all the happy memories and then end in present time. The dream which occurred on Wednesday night was so real that when I finally woke myself up, I found that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

It was an extremely warm evening and we were walking hand in hand to nowhere in particular, just enjoying each others company. I was basking in the warmth of not only the setting sun, but of honestly feeling love and being loved. Then the memory of being with his family and knowing in my heart that they also gladly accepted and loved me and the warmth of his mother’s hug and the happy tone in his father’s voice when I came into their home. Finally, sitting in the temple together knowing that if both of us were willing to work and love and fight, it would work.

All of the middle part was skipped and suddenly I found myself sitting in front of this man to whom at one time I had given my heart. It seemed as if I entered in the midst of the conversation. He was telling me how much he was in love. How life had become so much more inspiring and how much better he felt that he needed to be in order to be worthy for such a wonderful woman. I saw it. I saw it in his eyes as he told me about her. It was the look that once upon a time he had reserved for only me, the look that I knew so well, the look that told me he was truly, deeply in love.

He had come to me to make sure that I was okay. He had come to tell me that he was moving forward and he didn’t want me to find out any other way than straight from him. He was there to ask my permission in a way. I smiled at him.

This is where the dream ended. I forced my eyes open and then smiled as I remembered. As I looked through the dreams which I had this week, I have realized that I have been incredibly lucky in my life to have not only a someone but a few someones, even if for but a brief moment, think that I am pretty incredible and worthy to be a part of their heart.

Monday, September 11, 2006

In a perfect world….


Everyone would have their basic needs filled.


Nobody would ever lose contact with the people they love.


Everyone would get along.


Nobody would ever have to face the world alone.


Everyone could get as many hugs as needed to keep them warm inside.


Nobody would lose motivation to serve those around them.


Everyone would know who they truly are.


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