There comes a time

The dress is gone. I was unable to sell it and so I gave it away to someone that will probably cut it up and create new, exciting designs. After more than six years, I needed it out of my house. Not that I have held onto the hope of the person with whom the moment would have been shared, but for all that it symbolizes that isn’t happening. It is a release and letting go on multiple levels. Now it is time to rearrange and prepare in a whole different way.

This morning I had chocolate cake for breakfast.

Some mornings just need a little extra . . .

Let’s waste away the weekend

This coming weekend is the first time in a very long time that I don’t have to be up at the butt-crack of dawn every morning. It is the first time that I will actually get to fully enjoy my new black-out curtains that I have had put up in my bedroom. Additional bonus . . . it is a three-day weekend. No work on Monday!! I will probably have to work until midnight or later on Friday night because of the beast of my job that we call the end of the month, but it will be worth if it makes it possible not to come in on Saturday.

Lounging around with nothing pressing . . . now that is something to look forward to . . .

“Because life isn’t a spectator sport”

I am not what anyone would consider an athlete . . . not by any stretch of the word. However I have an adventurous spirit that doesn’t allow me to sit on the sidelines of life. I have a difficult time resisting any kind of invitation to try something new or doing things which creates a bit of trepidation.

There is one fear that I always have which causes some hesitation when accepting an invitation. My fear is never that I won’t finish or make it to the top or whatever the ending to the adventure might entail. My fear is that I will slow everyone down and make it so that they don’t enjoy it as much as they could.

Ever heard of the story of the Tortoise and the Hare? I will make it, but it will be on my time and at my pace. Physically I can’t keep up as much as I would like to. However because I am more often than not with caring individuals, at least one person always insists on staying at my side which makes me feel like I am holding them back. Although I am grateful for the company and a great conversation always ensues, it still makes me feel some guilt.

Last night I went up to Park City with a family that has decided that I am one of theirs. We went up to ride a 13+ mile bike trail. Since it was with the family I figured that I it would be a leisurely ride and I wouldn’t have any issues keeping up or holding anyone back. That is until it was announced that we would be dropped off and the parents would take the two cars to the end of the trail and meet us there. They wouldn’t be riding the trail with us. Now the oldest of their children that was with us is 11 years younger than I am and so I immediately knew I was in trouble. It was a race from the word go.

I think that luck was in my favor for the first time in a very long time. Not only was I able to keep up, but I stayed in the middle of the pack (I couldn’t keep up with the 16-year old) for most of the ride. My lungs were working for me without their normal issues and there weren’t a lot of huge hills to push them into closing down. We finished the 13 miles in about an hour and I felt great (well other than a sore behind). It was nice to actually be able to finish with everyone.

There are still so many different things that I want to do and this summer is going to be another opportunity to check some of them off my extremely extensive list. The short list of things that I would like to do this summer: I want to climb Timp. I want to go white water rafting. I want to learn how to repel (on a rope off a cliff . . . I already know how to repel men). I want to visit Bryce Canyon which, believe it or not, I have never been to see. I need more summer and more vacation hours!

Maybe I will even be able to keep up!

“Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”

It is quite amazing that at 34 I am still learning things about myself that surprise me. It isn’t like they are new personality traits. They are parts of me that as I look back have always been innately me, but that I suppose I have just never paid attention to until now. This past week has definitely been one full of pulling out the magnifying glass and really determining a few things.

“There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going.”

There is so much to do and so little time to do it. Last night I was laughing at myself. I was so extremely tired and all I wanted to do was kick my feet up on the couch and veg. However what I want to do usually gets overridden by what I need to do. So when I got home I took some laundry out of the dryer and put it away. I sat down on the couch for a minute and had to sternly remind myself that I needed to strip my bed and put the sheets in the laundry. I did that and again found myself wanting to stop. I had great excuses for not doing what I knew needed to get done. . . like I would get it done tomorrow. It didn’t work. I was back on my feet and upstairs to scrub my bathroom. Then I took out the trash and did some light cleaning in the kitchen.

When I finally figured that I could sit down for a minute I was reminded with an incoming phone call that I still had more things that I needed to work on. At this point I did push off pull weeds and cleaning the back porch in an attempt to get it ready to plant tomatoes this weekend. The phone call was from my bishop with the topic for my talk in Sacrament meeting on the 17th of this month. This reminded me that I still need to prepare for the classes that I will be teaching on the 16th for the Stake Relief Society Enrichment meeting and the Relief Society lesson that I haven’t even looked at that I am teaching on the 24th of this month. All of which are on totally different topics. Anyone want to be my sounding board and give input as I talk myself through preparing each of these? Good thing that I completely enjoy being in front of others and teaching or life would be really ugly at my house for the next couple of weeks. There was much inspiration in completing my degree in Public Speaking. Amazing how much clarity there is in hindsight.

(Confession: I absolutely love speaking and being given these opportunities so don’t think that I have my hand to my forehead about having to actually do them. It is just funny that they are all happening right at once, but it won’t be the first time and more than likely, not the last either.)

While I was scrubbing the tub last night I was also doing some random thinking. I had to smile because I realized that within the last week I have had four women tell me that I am going to be a great mom. Then three of them followed through and asked me if I had ever considered having children being single. Honestly I have thought about it, but have realized that it wouldn’t be fair to those children. I don’t think that children should be raised in daycare and that is exactly what would happen if I had children because I would still need to work full time. They will just have to accept that I claim their children as my own with the privilege of spoiling them and then sending them home. Anyway, I just put blackout curtains up in the bedrooms and that means oh so much more sleeping in!

Anyone have any grand ideas on the best way to clean blinds? Spring cleaning here I come. . .