“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”
With the decisions that I am currently putting into action, my eyes have really been opened to the fact that I thrive on stability. In my life I am able to face everything that I don’t have control over because I have roots that run deep and thick. The windstorms of life might blow some leafs off, heck it might even get a branch or four, but I stay firmly planted.
I have also discovered that I have had a warped vision of what is a root and what is a branch. As the winds have been blowing, I have been holding tightly to branches thinking they were roots. Mostly out of fear of the unknown, the fear of change, the fear of having to make decisions yet again on my own.
I have known for a while now that this needed to happen but I have been fighting it . . . kicking against the pricks as usual. It is easier to stay where I am. I am comfortable and in a routine. I have memories that are so precious to me that reside here. I know what to expect. Yet I know half of what I need to do. Got to love knowing just the half with everything else in the dark!
I purchased my home in January of 1999 . . . yes that was 13 years ago. I never intended to be there as long as I have since I figured that life would bring me a family and we would grow out of my small home. That didn’t happen. Instead I was blessed with some of the dearest friends of my life, memories I wouldn’t trade for anything, and wards and priesthood leadership that help shape who I am.
Today I am putting my home on the market. It is something that I have looked at as a root but is truly just a branch. It is a branch that is ready to come down. However it is a branch that is still painful to cut off. The only reason I am able to do it is because I know that it is time. I have felt nothing but peaceful about it since I finally stopped fighting it and made the decision.
Peace is what I feel about that decision . . . anxiety is what I feel about what I am supposed to do now. I keep myself sane trying to convince myself that it will take at least 18-months for it to actually sell and that will give me some time to determine what I am supposed to do next. My options are: buy a house somewhere in either Salt Lake or Davis County, move to a different State, or move out of the Country (Israel at the top of that list).
My greatest fear with this whole thing is that my house will sell quicker than I am ready to make a final decision. I suppose that a cardboard box under the viaduct is always an option. I’m doing what I know I should but it scares the heck out of me because I am completely blind as to what the outcome will bring. I can only pray that I really am doing what is right.