Is it working?
Recently I have been thinking (no this isn’t a new occurrence, it happens all the time as frightening as it may be) about what makes me tick when it comes to the male gender. See it is very few and far between that I truly take a romantic interest in anyone....I would even say years between even being interested. I have never understood those people that could be interested in just about anyone and be interested in multiple people at the same time. I don’t fall fast, I fall hard and it takes a lot of convincing along the way.
Attraction is, of course, essential and nobody can deny the fact that there has to be some sort of physical draw. Now where this grows and gets out the shallow arena for most of us is that physical attraction can actually grow as people get to know each other. This is what I have been pondering the last couple of days. What is it that really attracts and catches my attention? What makes me ache for that kiss? I have to warn that as I have been looking at it I am probably the weirdest person in the world because the things that I came up with really told me that there is a reason that I don’t become interested very often. I should have been dating in the 1950’s!
I love it when out to dinner the guy casually asks what I am planning on having for dinner and then when the waiter/waitress comes to take the order, he orders for me. I have had two men in my life do this and it made me feel incredible.
Opening doors in AND out of the car, along with all doors which doesn’t seem like a huge thing and I know a lot of women that hate it, but me, I can’t help but adore that they would do this for me. Along with this is making sure that the women in the room have a seat before taking a seat, standing when a lady enters a room (this one is extremely attractive because it rarely occurs) and escorting us either to our cars or homes whichever is applicable in the situation.
Guiding me into a room with their hand on the small of my back or having me take their arm when moving through a crowd, will make my heart flip every time.
A man telling me that I am beautiful, not hot or sexy, but beautiful will gain my respect and trust considerably faster. There is a sense of respect and admiration behind the word beautiful that other words seem to be missing.
When talking he not only listens, but is truly interested in what is being shared. I think along with this comes the fact that they not only want to hear all that is happening in my life, but wants to share what is going on in his because he knows that I am sincerely interested. See I just don't want to be the flavor of the week.
This is a hard one for me to verbalize, but I have come to acknowledge that I really want someone that wants to be with me all the time. I have been so independent, for so long that I like to be by myself at times, but I want to know that he yearns to be at my side even if it isn’t possible. I think it comes down to the fact that I want someone who will fight for the relationship because he loves being with me.
These are just a few of the things that quickly came to mind as I was pondering this subject this weekend. While I was figuratively connecting the dots, I also realized that I almost always fall for friends. In almost every dating situation that I have had over my life, with but a few exceptions, I had known and was friends with the guy for at least a year before we ever started dating. Why? I watch and attraction grows out of seeing him interact with others and how he treats me in a friendship. Not that is always works out. On the contrary, once a friendship is formed it is extremely difficult to flip it into a dating relationship, mostly because one or other party doesn’t/can’t think of the other in that way.
Hearts are more on the line when it is a friendship. I have learned twice now that when friends kiss it typically freaks the guy out (at least in my situations) and they can no longer carry on a friendship because they no longer know how to act around me. So not only do I lose the possibility that someone that I already totally trust and admire could love me, but that a friendship I love comes to an abrupt end.
Weird that I have spent so much time thinking about this, yes and no. I really try to avoid this topic because it is exacerbating, but honestly I feel like every now and then it is good to take an inventory. Possibly am I expecting something that doesn’t exist? Am I able to give to someone as much as I expect? Am I where I need to be in my life? So many more questions.....and way too much time to think about them!