Just Rannin' Around

Monday, May 31, 2010

Once upon a time. . . or better yet, in a galaxy far, far away

To whom it may concern:

I am taking the time to officially lodge a complaint. Although I realize that it will probably not come as any shock because it is from me and having received such letters before, I am positive that this will find the same outcome as the others . . . straight into the trash and long forgotten.

I almost want to begin with an apology for not fitting into the mold. It almost seems that everyone looks for me to apologize for it and to some way change who I am because it makes them uncomfortable that I don’t. However I will not apologize, nor will I change. Honestly I believe that I am a better person for not fitting into the mold that has been created.

There have been a fair share of knights in shining armor . . . . but they never last long. Why you may ask? Well I have theories abounding but I am going to take from current research after scouring the archives.

Let me begin by stating that a knight comes looking for a rescue. The helpless princess is in distress and is being held captive in a foreign tower by a horrible creature and she can’t possibly get herself out of this awful predicament. She needs to be saved. He has to (in one way or another) pull her life together for her. He has to rescue her.

See here is where these knights don’t like that fact that I have purchased the tower, cleaned up the area and have dragon meat in the freezer waiting to be whipped into dinner for when company comes. Not only that, but they really hate that I am not even at the tower but out doing other tasks. Who, might I ask, has the time to sit around all day long waiting for a knight to show up to take care of all their problems for them?

Now the knights are always at first relieved and impressed that they can just come in and relax rather than engage in battle with the unknown. The realization that I have the ability to make decisions and to execute life productively brings huge amounts of freedom and stress relief. It doesn’t take them long to become disenchanted though. Where is the excitement of the fight? Where is the victory of proving that without him the princess would never survive?

Now if I wanted to, you are right, I could play an award winning damsel in distress. I have years of watching the best of the best do just that. The problem is that it would be deceiving and manipulative . . . two things I despise and will not tolerate. I will not trick a knight into believing that I am one person only to wake up on the morning of our honeymoon to a whole different person. It happens more often than I think most are willing to admit.

Here is where things really start to make the knight edge toward the door faster and faster. The shining armor starts to come off. He feels less and less protected. Suddenly I know where the weaknesses are in his armor. **The ironic part is that my flaws, imperfections and weaknesses have been visable from the beginning and there are a ton of them. To me he is starting to become a man verses a shining piece of hard metal. See I am not so impressed by the metal, I am more concerned with what is inside the casing. The flaws, the weaknesses, the imperfections all make him more a man and more handsome. That is where I see the real strength and light in their eyes. That is where I see where we can work together to help one another rather than making him entirely carry the load.

Now with all of this said and so much more floating through my conscious mind, I have to also fill you in on a little secret that if they would just learn to look from a different angle might make for not only a happily ever after, but a true life happily ever after. I may not be a damsel in distress but I want nothing more than to be treated like a lady. Not like a spoiled princess, but a lady.

Yes, I have the strength and ability to do for myself but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel incredibly loved and grateful when a man does them for me . . . and believe me he will be rewarded very generously. I don’t have to be hand coddled or carry mood swing warnings. This doesn’t mean that I am not human, but it also means that he won’t have to hide out afraid at what he will find when he gets home from storming castles everyday. I know that the way that I need a knight is so far off the path of what they are taught in school that they miss just how much I need and appreciate them. I am never quite sure how to relay this though and have it understood.

So my complaint is that far too often the training of these knights doesn’t include finding someone that can stand beside them and fight for all that is dear rather than someone that cowers in the background demanding that they take all the burdens on themselves. It has got to be tiring and lonely to always have to be the one doing the fighting.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Are you here all by yourself?

I live in a townhouse. I share one wall as I purchased an end unit. Saturday night, or better yet very early Sunday morning my neighbor’s townhouse was broken into. He was at home . . . upstairs . . . asleep. They came in through his downstairs window, helped themselves to a bunch of his stuff and let themselves out of the front door. He came over on Sunday to let me know.

I have an alarm system and I keep all of my outside lights on at night, but none of that is making me feel any better about being in my house alone.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.”

Sometimes things just go perfectly. It is always great when it happens while cooking. I was doing some experimenting in the kitchen today and boy did it work. I made the best wanton soup. It was incredibly delish!

Friday, May 21, 2010

“It surprised her that her grief was sharper than in the past few days. She had forgotten that grief doesn’t decline in a straight line or along a slow curve like a graph in a child’s math book. Instead, it was almost as if her body contained a big pile of garden rubbish full both of heavy lumps of dirt and of sharp thorny brush that would stab her when she least expected it.”

1 month or 30 days or 720 hours or 43,200 minutes . . . every move the clock’s hands reminds me of the time passing.

In the last month:

I have had three more friends announce engagements, one announce a pregnancy and another give birth.

I have read five books totaling 1876 pages.

I have looked into moving with more sincerity than ever before and I don’t think that I will ask this time. Italy . . . Seattle . . . D.C . . . Hawaii . . . I do keep reminding myself that I really don’t enjoy the cold so some place warm would be nice. Maybe D.C. isn’t such a grand idea. After seeing Letters to Juliet, I am definitely missing Verona and all things Italy . . . but I am a sappy, hopeless romantic.

I have spent too much money.

I have gotten angry and again tried to prove to myself and the world that I can do it alone. How? Well for starters I had to figure out electronics because of the stupid changes my cable company made which required changes behind both my televisions. So I moved my 400 pound entertainment system by myself in order to get behind it to set things up. Let’s just say that I was sore for an entire week and probably did some damage if I really want to be honest about it.

I have been to the temple five times.

I have realized that a lot of the time I don’t really pay attention. I can’t believe how much I take for granted.

I have surprised myself. Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and suddenly realized just how much you knew? I have discovered recently that I am a fairly intelligent person. I know this is going to sound pompous, but I can hold conversations about a wide variety of subjects with knowledge and understanding behind it. I don’t think that I ever really have given myself credit for this since I would rather be listening than talking.

I have run a 5K. I have managed to obtain a sunburn. I have failed. I have held my new nephew and played with my nieces and nephews. I have rigorously scrubbed my house. I have played in the park. I have cried. I have paid a house payment. I have done visiting teaching. I have taught two classes. I have prayed. I have been courted by a duck. I have gone to movies. I have played with friends. I have written undelivered letters. I have had a facial. I have cooked. I have missed. I have driven for hours with the windows rolled down and the music cranked high. I have skipped church (okay it was only once and I just couldn’t do it). I have listened to the rain. I have hung pictures. I have made lists. I have desired.

There is so much more that could be added, but all isn’t meant to be shared. I have been told on occasion that no matter what I will be fine. That is a true statement. I don’t know how not to pull the work clothes on and dig my heels in. It is what I was taught to do and something that come naturally to me. I have responsibilities and people that count on me. I just don’t think that fine equates to happiness. Sure I can be fine, but is that enough?

Monday, May 17, 2010

"Always behave like a duck -- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath."

I made a new acquaintance yesterday. Right after church I headed over to Liberty Park to meet a friend. We sat in the warmth of the rays of the beautiful sunshine for about two hours talking and people watching. At that point, my sunburn from the previous day (holy crap you should see how red my stomach is) let me know that it was time for me to be in the shade. So we moved across the bridge and found a great place next to the pond under some wonderfully huge shade trees.

We put the blanket down, I kicked off my flip flops and settled on my back to watch the magnificent blue sky delightfully bounce the occasional white cloud around while my friend choose to settle on his stomach to read a book. It didn't take long for me to be utterly and completely lost in my extremely secret thoughts that have been my entire world for a while now. I have no idea how much time had passed but it had to be a while because I was so deeply entrenched that the world around me had ceased to exist.

Suddenly I was thrust out of my thoughts to the attention of my feet. Something wet, cold and hard was tapping on my bare toes. I quickly parted my feet to reveal a mallard . . . my new acquaintance. I quickly pulled my feet away and started laughing. The duck just cocked its head and looked at me with no fear. It then walked over to my side and stopped to continue to stare. It was freaking me out a little at this point, so my friend tried to encourage it to leave. After much prodding, it finally went on its way.

I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees. We had begun a new conversation when suddenly there was a tap, tap, tap on my back. The duck was again seeking my attention. This time the duck was almost thrown back into the pond (as nicely as possible though and not be me) because it couldn't be enticed to leave my side.

I have never seen a duck as bold as was this duck. It did create much laughter though.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Past the point of ridiculous

There are so many people in this nation trying to figure out what is going wrong with the economy and how to dig us out of this mortgage crisis. They're supposed to be highly intelligent individuals being paid large sums of money. Well put me on the payroll because I can help them out with the solution . . . common sense.

We have watched the pendulum of lending go from one extreme to the next over the last three years. It went from lending to anyone and everyone with a pulse to lending to almost nobody.

I received a phone call today from one of my clients. She is representing the sellers on a property that we are supposed to be closing in a week. She called to tell me that the lender had a condition that they wanted filled before they would approve the buyers loan and wanted to see if I could help out. Because she was giggling the whole time she was telling me this I knew it was going to be something crazy.

She said, "Brenda they want the contract signed by all the parties listed on vesting on title."

Now this is a very normal condition, actually it wouldn't be a completely legal contract without that exact thing done. As the title company and as the real estate agent, we were both very aware of that and always follow those legal stipulations. However, there is an exception to that rule . . . . death.

The signature that they wanted was of the deceased spouse of the seller. Yes both were still on title, BUT a death certificate is plenty of proof that we won't need signatures from all parties listed as owning the property.

Evidently it isn't enough proof for the lender. They are still insisting that all parties on title sign the contract or they won't lend on the property. My agent called me (laughing) to ask if I could help her get that taken care of. I told her that unfortunately I don't see dead people and I don't know the first thing about conducting a seance. She told me that she completely understood and that she would explain to the lender that the title company also couldn't come up with a way to get him to sign the contract and that is was up to them.

And they wonder why things are still struggling. Really? Because I could fill them in a little.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

"Don't take your toys inside just because it is raining."

I am a fairly frugal person . . . at least when it comes to spending money on myself. There is an exception to that rule though. When I am feeling a deep sense of loss in my life, I buy things. Okay so it usually calculates out to be new clothes for less than a hundred dollars. Last night I got something that was possibly a bit more or a LOT more expensive than that. Now to be fair, it is something that I have wanted for about five years now but just couldn't justify spending the money on myself when I already had one (rationalization: I have one for the mountains and trails and this is for the road and they are TOTALLY different). In any case my sense of frugality totally got demolished by the overwhelming sense of loss right now.

Want to see the new toy . . . .
I am pretty excited.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

“A lot of fish in the sea . . . . not for me. You’re somethin’ of a different kind. The rest evaporate, but you stay in my mind.”

I haven’t been scuba diving since Puerto Vallarta. I miss it.


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