Just Rannin' Around

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

“I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances.  Toaster, refrigerator, blender . . . all you do is say what it does and add “er”.  I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute.  Hey, what does that do?  It keeps things fresh.  Well, that’s a fresher . . . I’m going on break.”

Ode to the cooker 1999 ~ 2011

Nicknamed the Oven, my beloved appliance passed away at home on June 21, 2011 in a blaze of glory (Literally. I turned it on and sparks were flying all over and then it just gave up).  It was not an expected passing and thus the mourning is felt heavily in each pocket.  He did live a long and full life, devoted to his one love.  He enjoyed long, lazy Sunday afternoon slow roasting sessions to hot and steamy stir fry.  Even as his health declined, he remained active and determined. 

Funeral services are yet to be determined.

“Brides wear white because it’s the most popular color for kitchen appliances.”

Friday, June 17, 2011

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

I know something that I wrestle with on a daily basis.  Some days it makes me happy.  Some days it makes me sad.  Some days it makes me content.  Some days it makes me feel guilty.  Some days it makes me angry.  Some days is makes me cry.  Some days it gives me butterflies in my stomach.  Some days it makes me pray harder.  Some days it makes me patient.  Some days it calms my fears.  Basically it is something that puts me through every single emotion that a human can experience . . . and usually more than one per day.

Friday, June 10, 2011

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

I currently have two very visible bruises on my leg.  I gained said bruises fighting with a pole (no, not that kind of pole . . . get your mind out of the gutter).  The pole won.  I went away wounded and it was unscathed. 

Now I don’t know about anyone else, but when I have a bruise I have this overwhelming urge to poke it . . . just to see if it still hurts.  Stupid right?!  Yet there it sits all black and blue, calm and dormant until a bit of pressure is applied.  Only then does it scream out in pain. 

Another type of bruise has become overwhelmingly visible to me.  I realized it only after a name was mentioned and I immediately felt the blood rushing from my heart through my body at quickening speeds and my hands automatically curl into fighting position.

For the most part I am a forgiving person.  I don’t see any reason to hold things against people assuming that no harm was viciously meant.  I let almost all things just roll off my back and truly forget it even happened.  My theory is why spend my time worrying about things which I have no control and I definitely have no control over the words, feelings and actions of others.

I discovered there are exceptions to that theory of mine.  I had to fully face it as it was poked and the pain came rushing back.  I have come to terms that there are a handful of people that I have never forgiven.  These are people that I don’t ever think about but when they are mentioned the above described reaction occurs.

As I have taken on the task of fixing the situation, I am finding that it is extremely more difficult than I ever could have imagined.  Why?  I honestly feel like these few people honestly set out to inflict pain.  Knowing full well exactly what they were doing and proceeded with malicious intent.  How does one go about forgiving that?

I am fully aware of all my weaknesses, most of which have come up to bite at me over the last while with brute force.  I know that I am not innocent in the game of life . . . not by a long shot.  So now I just need to forgive and let go after all they are years and years in the past.  It does me absolutely no good to hold onto these feelings. 

I am trying.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I wonder at my own sanity

Another leadership position was offered to me within a group to which I belong.  More of my time is needed to fill this position.  However with this position comes compensation.  Not anything to scream about, but at this point can I really turn down some extra income?  Who needs sleep anyway?!

Really my major concern is that I would be required to attend a three-day conference in Long Beach just two weeks after I have returned from an already two week absences from work.  My clients would not be happy. 

Would someone please draw me a line as to how much is too much to take on?  I am not sure that I know.


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