Just Rannin' Around

Thursday, February 23, 2012

“Far too many people die with a heart that’s gone flat with indifference.  Life will offer us amazing opportunities, but we’ve got to be wide-awake to recognize them.”

Heartache comes from not being able to obtain the desired result.  Searching deep within myself, I absolutely know that I would rather feel the pain than live with regrets.  It took me a long time to accept that conclusion.

No matter how much time passes or how busy my life and schedule is, there is always that part that I miss more than words can express.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I am in love

How could I not be

Isn't she adorable

Meet my newest niece.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I believe that love is layered

For many years I have referred to this day as Cupid Passover.  I’ve never referenced it as Single’s Awareness Day because the term never caught my fancy.  Although the vertically challenged, arrow slinging, diaper wearing, wing flying man still hasn’t found it in his schedule to stop my way, I’ve decided to save myself the drama.

Now it isn’t like I can pretend that the holiday doesn’t exist.  From the middle of January through the 14th of February it is stocked on the shelves of every store, covers the window fronts of every shopping area and is blasted on every other commercial on television and radio.  If you breathe, it is nearly impossible not to know that it is nearing Valentine’s Day.

My entire life I have always truly tried to be genuinely happy for other’s successes.  I love to celebrate the joy with those that obtain the things in their lives that move them forward and bring them those blessings they desire.  It isn’t about what I am lacking, it isn’t about me at all . . . it is about their moment and helping them bask in it.  I know that I have fallen flat on my face and failed at doing this at times because I get so wrapped up in me, but sincerely in my heart I couldn’t be any happier for each and every friend and loved one. 

Every part of me just wants those I care about and love to find their own piece of heaven and happiness here in this mortal life.  It makes my heart burst with joy when I see it happen.  My experience in life leads me to feel extremely grateful as love is found and know that that person will not have to walk the path alone.  As children are added, so is the ultimate joy.  Hearts enlarge as pockets are made for each addition to their lives.  To share in the smile beaming from not only the lips, but from the eyes and heart also, as these life events occur is truly a gift. 

To those of you who have shared such moments with me, thank you.  I remind you that every day should be Valentine’s Day in small ways.  That to have the love of another is worth fighting for and should never be taken for granted.  Love is the most priceless, selfless gift you will ever receive.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

I think that you deserve more than what you settle for

Experience is what makes each life individual.  It brings with it sometimes joy, sometimes sorrow and pain and almost always lessons.  Experiences, even shared ones, are unique to every person because we all see and feel things on an individual level.  This exists on so many levels.

One of the things that I enjoy spending my time experiencing is the arts.  I have had and taken the opportunity to soak it in through several different forms.  There have been trips to Broadway not only in New York, but Boston, Denver, all over California and of course season tickets locally.  I’ve flown across the world to see the wonder of the David and world renowned art museums.  I have been to the symphony and to the ballet.  However I knew that there was one form that I had yet to experience.

A couple of weeks ago I finally went to my first opera.  I’m not talking about just any opera, but a real opera . . . in Italian.  The ambiance was incredibly romantic.  I understand why people fall in love with the opera.  For reasons I won’t get into, I thought that the opera would fall into line with how I felt about ballet.  I just can’t find a love for that particular form of the arts.  It just doesn’t interest me . . . at all.  The opera exceeded my expectations and I must admit that some of that is probably due to my soft spot that I have for foreign languages.  I just think it is beautiful to hear other languages spoken, or in this case sung. 

Broadway, especially musicals, still tops my list as my favorite.  However there is mood that goes along with the opera that has its own special draw. 

It makes me smile that there is always something that is favored; something that I am much more endured to than another.  In the arts it is Broadway.  In athletics, hands down it is football.  Not that I don’t enjoy others and not that they don’t have the possibility to bring me some happiness, but I also know what brings me the most joy. 

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” –CS Lewis

Out of control busy is all it said in my calendar for January.  I was getting into work between 5:30-6:00 every morning and didn’t see the out of doors again until 9:00-9:30 every night.  There were some side effects from working that much, but it didn’t kill me.  The one bonus is that it will make for a nice commission check . . . although I decided years ago and still stand by the fact that money just isn’t worth the pain. 

While I was busy working my home has been violated.  At least that is how it feels to me.  It is more than a little weird for me to have complete strangers going through my home while I am not there.  Some of that may possibly be occurring for the mere fact that I wasn’t truly ready to move on.  This is a home filled with memories, my memories.  It is the place where I have hung my heart for the past 13 years.  Random strangers don’t belong in my home.

That changed about two days ago as things started slowing down for me and I was better able to focus.  Some of the side effects of working too much is that my guard about other issues completely crashes to the ground and I allowed emotions and dreams to occur that I would other wise have the strength to bury.  I have now grasped the fact that I am really selling my house.  Sure I have no idea what I am supposed to do next or where I will end up, but I do know that this is the first step.

For those that really know me, know that I am a control freak.  I like to see all my cards and know what my next move will be.  Right now I am walking around in absolute darkness bumping into and tripping over everything.  I can’t find even find the table which means that being dealt a hand is out of the question.  The only card I have is the one that I already had which is the one with the house on it and I know I have to hand that card away. 

Now that I am ready for that to be taken, I just want it done already.  I am ready to close this door behind me.  My memories come with me, I just won’t have the visual stimulation to prompt them as often.  I have an office full of boxes and I am now fully ready to pack and leave.  There is nothing more that I can accomplish here.  Time to keep myself moving, even if that means doing it in the dark resulting in getting more bumps and bruises that hurt.


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