Just Rannin' Around

Monday, January 30, 2006



Have you ever had to make a decision in one part of your life that made you unavoidably evaluate other parts of your life that you were purposely neglecting because you knew that it would be painful?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Different with each batch


No matter who puts the clothes in the machine, the outcome is the same…..clean clothes.  Sure there can be some awful things that occur to the clothes if the person chooses the wrong water temperature, doesn't separate the clothes correctly or puts in the wrong cleaning agents.   However it doesn't matter if they come out shrunk or discolored, they are clean nonetheless. 


The trick with doing laundry is to correctly balance all the different elements as to not disrupt the fabric which causes them to be ruined in one way or another.   The first step, which is vital, is to make sure that the clothes are separated carefully.  If this step isn't done correctly, there is doom from the beginning and no matter what else is done there will still be some sort of damage.  


Next the cleaning agents must be determined.  There are millions from which to choose and each offer different promises.   The difficult thing is figuring out which cleaning agent goes best with what temperature of water and which cycle best suits the fabric type.  The combinations are endless!  What works for one could potentially destroy something else.  It can be an extremely frustrating process.  


Then looking right next to it and the whole process of the dryer!  I haven't even made it to that part yet, but looking at all those different settings for heat, I'm not so sure that I even want to attempt it!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Did she do it?


Sitting at the desk facing the one-way mirror, poised and emotionless, she continued to stare at the paper cup of water she gently cradled in her hands.   She was aware of the discussion and never ending stares from the other side of the mirror even though she couldn't see nor hear anything from where she sat.   She should have been scared or upset or tearful or something, but there was nothing.  Instead she sat patiently waiting not knowing what would come next, but full of hope.  


The calmness that she emulated was throwing the investigators onto so many different thought processes and pathways that she knew that they would never figure it out.   She would never tell and the only other person in this entire world that also knew had disappeared a few weeks ago and the fact that the existence of this person was unknown only further protected her.   Just the slightest hint of smile upturned the corners of her mouth as she thought about it, but not enough that those carefully observing her even noticed it happen.


There were no tracking possibilities at which they hadn't looked.  Phone records had been consistent over the one and a half years that they had pulled.   Friends, family and neighbors hadn't noticed anything different in her regular routine.  There hadn't been any work missed or social event unattended.   Everything pointed to her innocence.  It was looking inevitable that they would have to release her regardless that they were all positive about her involvement.


Focusing on keeping her facial expressions emotionless, she carefully began going over and over the moments that lead her to this place.   Her mind and energy had been completely preoccupied when things started out that she never stopped to imagine what the end results could wind up doing to her.  There was much to be said about little by little carries the strongest binding.   She saw it perfectly now that she was looking backwards, too late to do anything…..knowing she wouldn't change it even if she could. 


Suddenly the door swung open dragging her mind hesitantly back into her current circumstances.  She looked up knowing that these people had no answers and would be unable to release her…..she would have to continue to wait.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Nothing, nothing


There is another place in which my mind likes to wonder.  Recently I find that I allow it to be there more than it should.   This is a place which nobody else is ever invited.  Usually because I sense that for the most part that it would cause fear to course through their veins and they would never be heard from again.   This is the place where I process everything from my thoughts to my emotions and everything in between.


So many things I don't understand and the feeling of helplessness have caused much doubt and concern.  Knowing that I am so close and yet further away than ever before is frustrating.  Wanting so badly to reach out and hold on tight, but absolutely knowing that it would cause the most damage.   The desire to give all I have and yet fighting overwhelming fears of rejection.  Having wells of overflowing joy around every corner I turn and not comprehending just how to share brings rivers of tears.


Life is an amazing process…..one that I typically do not fully comprehend.  I see some things as clearly as one can see the bottom of Lake Tahoe and understand others as murky as the waters of Lake Powell.  Sometimes I feel so lost, completely misunderstood and eternally alone while at other points I clearly see the direction, communicate perfectly and feel enveloped by love.  


How I wish that I was able to pour my heart and mind out onto this page!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Did you know……


You are supposed to take a break from looking at your computer screen every 15 minutes because while looking at the screen most people forget to blink which dries out their eyes and causes several major eye problems.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Chivalry is not dead!


Growing up I have watched my dad open doors, carry bags, offer his hand/arm, walk closest to traffic, sit on the edge, lead with his hand on the small of the back, and countless other acts of simple service to my mom that screamed respect and love.   My dad also did these for us, his daughters and taught his sons to do the same.  We were taught to behave like ladies and were in turn, showed how ladies should be treated (of course all rules aside while engaging in a round of WWF).   Sometimes I worry that my expectations are too high because it just isn't the same with our generation as it was with our parents. 


Every once in a while, my hopes are restored!  I was out the other night and doors were opened.   Last night we had a bit of snow that covered our cars as we were attending the temple.  I started my car to warm it up and as I was about to step out to clean the windows, I was met by a gentleman with a scraper in his hand and I gratefully waited in my warm car as he cleared them for me.   Then just this morning I was walking toward the building in which I work and another gentleman waited patiently at the door when he saw me coming and got not only the first set of doors for me, but also the second.   I only hope that my smile and "thank you" that they get encourages them to continue such a pure act of service. 


Call me old fashioned, but I truly love feeling that someone is taking care of me.  I don't think I will ever understand women who think that they have to do everything for themselves.   Don't get me wrong, there is much to being said about being self reliant and independent (two things I have demonstrated in my own life to the point of being a negative at times).   I don't think that women should be helpless or brainless (that is just annoying), but I do believe that any woman with a brain will allow others to do kind acts of service because she is a lady.  


This may not make any sense to anyone else, but it is something that is incredibly important to me.  So I just wanted to thank all of those gentlemen out there that still take the time to treat a lady as she should be treated.   It is noticed and much appreciated!  Thank you!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Not sure


How many times in our lives have we sat at the edge of a decision seeking the best possible course and usually realizing that the seemingly impossible route is the only one which will get us to where we ultimately want to be?  


After beginning that route, how many times do we stop to question what we are doing honestly believing that we don't have the strength to finish?  


Why is not being able to see where each path leads makes us certain that there can't possibly be anything better than what we just left?   Then not being able to remember the reason we headed that way in the first place?


Why is taking a step in the darkness such a scary adventure especially when we know and have been reassured that this is the exact path that we are supposed to be experiencing?  


How come when a decision has been made and we realize that it isn't the right path and that we weren't listening so well, that it is so hard to swallow our pride and turn around and fix the mistake?


Why is it when we have waited for something for so long and it is finally given to us that it scares us and we immediately want to pull back?


How many times do we have to be reassured before we can have confidence enough to accept and move forward without hesitation?


Why do we always have to test how long our arms will stretch before we absolutely have to let go of what is known and comfortable?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Defenseless Rose Bowl


Watching USC verses Texas last night was almost a joke.  This is the number one and two teams in the nation and neither one of them showed up with their defensive lines.   I kept screaming at the television as one of the teams would get the ball from a kickoff and three to four plays later they were in the end zone.  I do believe that I only saw maybe two or three punt returns total because nobody was getting stopped. 


Texas won because their defense finally showed up on USC 's final possession and finally stopped them from not only scoring but from getting a first down on a fourth down attempt.  With under a minute to go, USC unsurprisingly let Young find the end zone for one last touch down and a three point win.   There were over a thousand yards gained in this game.  Pathetic!  I realize that they both have good offensives, but honestly folks the defensive lines should be able to read a play every now and then and make it at least look like they all aren't freshman in high school playing for the first time.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


I am getting back to being me. I haven’t felt like myself for way too long and it is time for that to change. Over the last few months I have become progressively more aware that I don’t like the person that I have allowed myself to retreat into being. It almost scares me how that little by little I allowed my thought process to become so negative that it effected how I treated not only myself but those around me. I stopped being emotionally connected with others.

With my eyes wide open I am going to start swinging again. Sure I will probably slice the ball more often than not, but at least I will be out there. For those that have been waiting on me on the green, thanks for practicing patience and not leaving for the next hole.


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