Just Rannin' Around

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Feelin' the love


The last two days I have been reminded just how closely and lovingly I am looked after.  I have been feeling displaced.   There are so many changes that are blowing my way.  Options have been placed in front of me, but honestly I haven't been able to find peace with what it is that I am supposed to do.


I have not received answers yet, instead I have been comforted.  It has come in small, quiet ways and without the realization of the people giving.   Sunday there was a note that was exactly what was needed to touch my heart.  I know this person didn't have a clue what I was experiencing or the powerful affect that such a gesture at just the right moment meant to me.   Later that night there were words from someone that understood me perfectly and yet was addressing a huge group of people and doesn't even know me.  Yesterday was all about time and attention from some that know me well and others that really are just starting to know me. 


No matter how many times in my life that it occurs, I still stand amazed at the small miracles that bless my life.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Intimidating:  to make timid or fearful; frighten; to compel or deter by or as if by threats; implies inducing fear or a sense of inferiority to another


Amazing:  to fill with wonder; astound; bewilder; perplex



These two words have been placed in the same category as swear words in my world.  The first time that I had someone tell me that I was intimidating was in junior high and the list has only grown exponentially since.   Amazing has been an added descriptive word that has come about the last six years or so.


My entire life I have been told to be the best me.  I have been encouraged by my family, my teachers, society and my religion.   Maybe I took this advice too much to heart because a lot of the time it seems to blow up in my face.  Maybe I shouldn't want things to be exactly right when I am going to sign my name to it either literally or figuratively.   Maybe I shouldn't continue to plow forward and just hold still.  I don't think this is an option for me.  I am happiest when I am growing, progressing, traveling, accomplishing, learning, sharing, creating……


I've worked my entire life to be who I am.  I like who I am.  I guess I just wonder why the qualities that I am trying to obtain that should be attracting are actually repelling.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Moving forward

It is amazing to me that when I finally decided to open my eyes to the world around me so much had happened. I learned quickly that watching and focusing on my own life is as addicting as a daytime soap opera. Once tuned in, it is virtually impossible to turn the stupid thing off. Why? Well because of all the made up drama that is never ending and one never knows what could possibly happen next. If it is turned off, everything will be missed. The reality however is the same as with daytime soap operas.....one can miss any amount of episodes and be caught right back up within about 10 minutes of viewing.

I learned this week that my life doesn’t take too many twists and turns that will astonish the viewer. Actually it is quite routine. Sure there is the occasional travel or sky diving or scuba diving adventure, but that is me adding spice to what seems as a pretty average existence. I absolutely love adventures! However if I look at the side notes, I am a bit ashamed to admit that a small portion of reason that I indulge in such acts is that I want to catch the attention of certain viewers. Some times it is my parents. Sometimes it is friends. Sometimes it is a boy. Sometimes it is a boss. Most of the time though, it is for me.

I want to feel alive. I want to experience and learn. I am fascinated with knowledge and thirst for more. The greatest thing and, on the other hand, the most frustrating thing is that once knowledge is gained about something it seems to open up endless numbers of questions and opportunities to learn even more. It is an eternal quest and thankfully there is eternity to continue to progress. I read because it opens my mind. I travel because it enables me to see and experience places and people. I scuba dive because it allows me to admire a whole different world. I love because it teaches me more about my divine nature as a daughter of Heavenly Parents.

Trying to be the best person that I can has created some interesting phenomenon through which I have been wading. More to come……

Friday, February 10, 2006

Ring around the rosies


Honestly who thought of this game?  The objective of this game is to go around in tight circles until one makes oneself sick with dizziness and ends with falling down.   About the only change that can occur in the game is the speed at which the circle spins.  I guess it is a politically correct game since there is never a specific winner due to the fact that all the players fall at the end.  


There are more productive games that ought to be played.

Monday, February 06, 2006



Saturday was exactly one year since my mom had her emergency heart surgery.  While pondering all the events that occurred that week, I again went through the many emotions that bombarded me that short period in my life.   That is an eye-opening experience. 


Honestly the memory is fuzzy because I moved through the entire thing in a surreal world.  The thought that there was a possibility of losing my mom was too much for me to wrap my world around.   Death to that point had never been anything frightening to me nor was it anything new to me.  I have lost all my grandparents on both sides.   The difference was there were still so many things that I wanted my mom to be here to experience with me.  However, I have total faith in the Plan of Salvation and so there was always a constant comfort in my mind.  


As I was going through the situation I came to the conclusion that I don't think people truly know the affect that they have in others lives.   There were so many people gathered to support us.  There were prayers being said and fasting taking place by more than just family members.  Friends reached out and made an impact that will never be forgotten.  I would have never made it through the distress without the long talks and the phone calls just to make me laugh and take my mind off the situation.   I was lifted and allowed to lean when I just didn't think I could do it anymore.


It continues to amaze me that they continue to fight to help me in every situation in my life.  I am not an open book.   I don't like to share my frustrations and trials.  I would rather just quietly take care of things the best way that I think possible.   I am stubborn, but I am slowly learning that I get through difficult times more unscathed when I allow those who truly care about me in to help me. 


Thank you!  I am a stronger person because you are in my life and if you weren't there, well life just wouldn't be as happy and I would miss you with every part of my heart!


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