Just Rannin' Around

Friday, February 26, 2010

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - - at yourself!"

Note to the male checkout clerk:

It is a little known fact that for one week out of every month women have to have tampons or the world would be a very different place. Therefore, I guarantee that you will have women come through your line to purchase said feminine hygiene products. There is no need to get embarrassed and really you can still look us in the eye, we aren't embarrassed having to purchase them.

Don't worry, just because we are buying them doesn't mean we are currently in need of them. If they are on sale, we will buy them for future use. Oh and they aren't dangerous to handle either. You don't need to use Superman speed to get them off the counter, scanned and into a bag. They won't bite or cause you to catch a disease that would force you to have to use them for the rest of your life. I promise.

However, thank you for giving me reason to smile today. It shouldn't be, but I do find it funny to watch you get that uncomfortable about something that is part of female existence.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

"If you fail to plant desires in your subconscious mind, it will feed upon the thoughts which reach it as the result of your neglect."
-Napoleon Hill

Last night I learned that lesson the hard way. The last thing that I did before I went to bed was check my email. That has to be from where the dream originated. Actually, I know that is the reason since it is the only thing that even makes sense. That will teach me to make sure that I focus on specific thoughts before going to bed.

The email was from a friend. It was an invitation to a party this weekend for a last dance party he is throwing before he gets married. This friend just also happens to be the former roommate and best friend of my last boyfriend. So of course I automatically thought of him by default. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. I'm over him and hope that he is happy.

Evidently my subconscious wasn't as easily satisfied. I had a dream about him last night.

In the dream I was standing in the middle of a crowded room at this party (that hasn't taken place yet) talking to someone when I noticed him. He was determinedly crossing the room, not taking his eyes from me. Only when he reached me and looked deep into my eyes did he hesitate as it he was surprised that I was standing in front of him. So I started the conversation by asking him how his wife and child were doing. We stood there surrounded by faceless people talking about everything and nothing.

Time is a funny thing in dreams. I would say that hours had passed while we talked, him never taking his eyes away from mine, but in reality dreams only last seconds.

Soon it was time to say goodbye. He wrapped me in his arms and just held me like he would never again see me. It was warm, comfortable, safe. At that exact moment his wife appeared at his side and he let go of me and took her hand.

Dream ended.

Maybe it is because I haven't had anyone for more than two years now that wants to be with me, hold me without wanting to let go, love me, but it felt so incredibly good.

Reality stung the minute my eyes fluttered open.

Monday, February 22, 2010

"'Well,' said Pooh, 'what I like best - -' and then he had to stop and think because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called."

Dinnertime at our home was always an adventure. All distractions were turned off and everyone was required to be around the table. Although I don't think that it took much encouragement to get us there as it was probably one of our favorite times of each day. See, rules at our dinner table were um, let's call them unique.

First off, it was our discussion forum and so anything (and yes, I do mean anything) was up for discussion. You name it and we more than likely had a discussion about it at our dinner table at some point during my growing up years. The topics ran from silly to serious to disgusting to everything in between and back again. My parents perfectly crafted an environment that allowed us to be ourselves and ask/talk about anything without embarrassment or worry about being in trouble. I can't believe how brilliant my parents are!

Now most people would say that the rule at their house was that they had to eat everything on their plate before they were allowed to leave.

This was not the rule found in our home.

Everything was done family style. We, even as children, were allowed to make our own plates. If we didn't like something that Mom had made, we didn't have to have any. If we didn't like anything that Mom had made that night, we were allowed to make something else . . . a lot of times that meant that we just ate cold cereal. No kidding, I have one sister that lived on ketchup and mayo sandwiches (really the only two things between the bread) for a year. That was all that she would eat.

We were allowed to try things without being locked into having to finish it if we didn't end up liking it. Again, my parents are brilliant. This allowed us to be open to at least trying new things or things that didn't immediately appeal to our sense of sight or smell. Due to this rule, my parents raised children willing to try anything and love a wide variety of food. There isn't a picky eater among us. Sure we all have the things that we like more than others, but for the most part we will eat just about anything.

**Really the only thing that most of us avoid, if possible, are onions. Mom is allergic to onions and so she never cooked with them and they were never in our home. Most of us will eat onions, but prefer not to . . . especially raw.

No wonder I am so open to trying new things . . . growing up I was allowed to without judgment and without fear.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Monday, February 23

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

“By definition, love makes you better than good enough; it redefines perfection to include your traits, instead of excluding them.”

See the problem is that with one single taste, I became addicted.

I always think that I will be able to make it through this lovely holiday without any stumbling. No big deal right? It is just another 24-hour period of time. Let’s be honest, in my adult life the only time that I haven’t had any thought of this holiday is the year that I was wondering around Italy.

I have been telling myself that this year would be different. Hell, it falls on a Sunday. I don’t have to sit at work watching everyone else getting flowers and gifts and listening to all of the sugary sweet talk. I guess I just always forget to take into account that it is just one more reminder that . . . well . . . I’m still on my own.

I loved this day when I was little. Remember when it was all about putting the imagination into high gear in order to create a box that would soon be filled with messages from everyone in your class? There was always a couple, unsigned of course, from secret admirers. Some of us couldn’t handle not knowing and would make a list of all that were signed so that we knew who had sent the unsigned ones. A girl should know who thought she was special. Okay, so I have always been a control freak.

Now, well now it is another over commercialized holiday and from what I hear, they don’t even participate in Valentine exchange boxes at school anymore. Sad day in America indeed!

**I am not saying that I would complain if a handsome man showed up on my front doorstep with a red rose in hand and a promise to always love me. I guarantee that I wouldn’t send him away and that he would be one extremely lucky man (just ask the guy at the grocery store).

Can you even begin to count the number of jewelry commercials that have been shown in the last couple of weeks? That is just a tip of the huge dollar ice burg that companies are hoping to cash in on . . . okay maybe it is the base . . . what, jewelry is expensive.

Yes, yes so the bitterness bug . . . or maybe better named in my case the jealousy bug . . . has bitten my butt. I think that jealousy definitely is the correct name for that lousy bug.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
-William Shakespeare

My first voice lesson was last night. I have to admit that I was a little more than trepid about the whole thing. I really have self-conscious issues when it comes to allowing people hear me sing. Quite ironic that I obtained a four-year degree in Public Speaking and I can confidentially get up in front of any size group without a second thought, but singing in front of even one person causes much anxiety. I am hoping to overcome that fear afterall there isn't a better minute than this one to change.

I was extremely proud of myself when I was able to sing alone yesterday in front of my teacher. It may not seem like much to some, but for me that was huge. She told me that I have a great range, that I always stay in pitch and that really all she needs to do is help me polish a little what I already have. Now maybe she is just being kind, but it did build my confidence and I don't think I will be so hesitant to sing by myself in front of her again.

The quote at the beginning of this post is one of my favorites. I am trying to live my life to the fullest and that means that often I have to look fear and doubt in the face and do it anyway.

Monday, February 01, 2010

"My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating."
-Ashleigh Brilliant


Four more people were laid off at work. It is getting extremely scary around here.


Rented a movie for the first time in probably at least ten years.


When I got home from church my house was as cold inside as it was outside. I stood up on the couch to get near the vent and felt nothing but cold air coming out. Not just the normal wants yesterday, I needed extra body heat in my bed last night. Hopefully it isn't a huge problem and it can be repaired tonight.


Took my car into the repair shop and will have to live without my car for two days while a dent is taken out and a new grill put in. Stupid icy roads!

I need a vacation!


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