Just Rannin' Around

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Kicking it around.

Standing outside with the warmth of the sun beating down on her already sweating body, she bent over, placed her hands on her knees and drank in a few needed deep breaths. She knew better than to run that hard. Running and not paying attention to her head screaming to stop because her body wasn’t physically able to keep up. Breathing is necessary for life, she reminded herself as she softly laughed.

Walking over, slowly she lowered herself onto the lush grass at the park to stretch the muscles that would most certainly be making their presence known within the next few hours. Pushing her body meant being able to ignore her mind; thinking was not necessary and that was the goal. Finishing her last series of stretches, she lied down, placed her hands under her head and looked up at the patches of sunlight escaping through the heavy filtering of the tree tops. The patches played across her still body as the gentle breeze sweetly talked the trees into dancing.

Still trying to avoid the thoughts from picking up where she had left them, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the sounds floating through the air. There were birds singing, a river flowing, people taking and children excitedly screaming from the playground. A satisfied smile formed as the breeze blew over a quick scent of newly blossomed lilacs, only adding to the completeness of the scene. It was one of those perfect moments that one files away into a catalog that can be drawn out during dark times. Complete peace filled her soul.

However long it lasted in this world’s time was not of concern because eventually the thoughts of responsibilities and having to deal with life returned. What mattered was that moment, small as it may have been, was enough to reconnect with what was most important and to fill her heart with enough love and strength to continue. Standing up, untying her jacket from her waist and pulling it on, she took one last deep breath and headed back.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Eating bugs!

This morning I was all warm and comfortable in my nice bed, just laying on my side enjoying every single moment that I could justify staying in that very position. Calculating very carefully exactly what I could cut out of my morning schedule in order to not have to move.

The music sounded as my clock announced, one more time that it was still time to get going in the land of the living. I finally gave in and made the mistake of opening my eyes. Immediately my baby blues caught focus of a little brown friend climbing around right by my face. Since screaming would have been pointless and would bring no help running, I simply jumped and sent the poor spider flying across the room. Not the most peaceful way to be greeted in the morning, but it did jump start my body for the day.

I was once told that most people during a year on average eats EIGHT bugs a year in their sleep. Good thing I woke when I did or that poor creature may have been one of those victims!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Life is curious.

One day I am supposed to marry someone who I loved, things happened (he freaks out and runs) and then a few years later I run into him. We talk and then go on with the rest of our separate evenings.

As I pondered the event later that night, I realized that as much as I was devastated when it happened, at some point I picked up my life and moved forward. It isn’t an option to let myself curl up in a corner full of self pity and waste my life away. I have too much that I can do. It isn’t that I don’t want an eternal relationship, because I want it more than anything else. My heart aches to have that in my life. However, until it presents itself by way of someone that totally adores me and loves me regardless of my shortcomings, I am going to live life to the fullest. I won’t slow down because it may or may not intimidate someone that I have traveled, have a ton of incredible friends, am successful at work, graduated from college, own a home, and soon to add to the list….have gone skydiving! I need a man! I want a man! I am just not willing to not be me to get a man!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My hair grows like a weed!

Yesterday I had four inches chopped off the back of my hair. It was enough hair to cover the floor and one could probably make a wig for a small child. However, even with the four inches off, my hair still reaches the bottom of my shoulder blades.

Since I was little I loved my long hair. As soon as I was old enough to take care of it myself, it was never shorter than reaching the top of my pants. It was a security blanket and comfort just to know that it was there. Growing up in St. George where the average temperature during the summer was 100 degrees Fahrenheit, it probably would have caused much less discomfort to have it short like everyone else. I just couldn’t do it.

The first time that I got my hair cut, not just the usual three-inch trim, I cried for three days each morning while I got ready. I went from waist long to just under my chin. Why such a dramatic change? As much as I loved my hair it was causing issues. From about age 13, I started getting major migraine headaches that would put me in a dark, silent room with a cold washrag over my eyes for long hours.

It wasn’t until I was in college and one day at work those miserable feelings of another one started coming on that a woman I worked with suggested that it might be the weight of my hair causing the migraines. Not my hair! I couldn’t cut it and live as happy a life without it. While I was in excruciating pain later I decided that I would have to try cutting it as a solution.

I shed the weight off my head and amazingly it also did away with the aching in my brain. Every once in a while I let my hair get out of control and grow longer than I should and it never fails that I end up with another migraine that kindly reminds me that I have to get rid of it. Even as attached to as I become, I now logically realize that I can cut it loose and it will always quickly grow back. Just another thing in life that must be maintained to be kept healthy and from causing me headaches!

Monday, April 18, 2005

The twisters just keep on spinning….or maybe somebody just flushed the toilet again!

Sometimes I feel as if my feet have been lifted off the ground and I am at the mercy of the elements of the earth. I have learned however that I can either choose to enjoy the ride or be miserable. If I fight the winds, I end up spinning around out of control until sickness settles in and I end up throwing up. However if I just relax, put out my arms and follow the winds, I not only enjoy the ride but there is less pain and I end up exactly where I am supposed to be.

As for the toilet flushing….well sometimes you just get flushed!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Who was the brilliant mind that decided that it would be a wise idea to use small rocks to carpet the playground at every school yard in the country? There is nothing like giving ammunition to children who don’t know how to properly resolve “I hate you” problems. Maybe it was the same person who found it hilarious to have a bee keeper living with all his hives about 15 feet from the playground of the elementary school at which I attended.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Thanks to David Cho, I have done something that I probably would have never even thought of doing. Below is my entry to NPR's "This I Believe" essay contest. Thanks David for information and vote of confidence on your site.

Eternal Families

From birth, death was present in my life. I don’t remember ever being told that Grandpa had passed away when my dad was only 20, instead it presented itself as a knowledge base that innately existed. Grandpa is a man that I never knew in this life, yet there was still a feeling of connection that I couldn’t overlook. That began my search that has created a solid foundation of knowing that a loving Heavenly Father has made it possible for families to be together forever.

I have fuzzy memories of my great-grandma. I was still very young when she passed to the other side, but my heart still remembers very clearly the love that I have for this sweet German immigrant. Running through her house with cousins, family reunions at the park and of course, Christmas parties where Santa made an appearance. I don’t remember her funeral, but I still have memories that make me smile and her love in my heart.

The questions continued to formulate in my young mind. Where did she go? Am I ever going to see her again? What happens when I die?

I questioned my parents and religious leaders. Specific answers were given which were acceptable logically, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I needed my heart to understand what was happening. I needed to know what occurred when the spirit left the mortal body. When I was a little older, with the questions still stirring, I went to the only place where I knew there was discussion about death….the scriptures.

I read about Christ’s death and then about the miraculous resurrection that occurred three days later. The part that grabbed my attention however was the fact that Christ was teaching individuals in the Spirit World. That meant that there was life after death. The spirit doesn’t die, just the body and that meant the people I love are still existing. My heart was relieved and a quiet calm ran from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. As discussions and understanding has grown over the years, for me death no longer is something to fear.

Funerals no longer hold the same meaning. I have come to know that they are ceremonies to celebrate the life of that person and to say good bye for but a short season. As I have lost other grandparents with whom I have had extremely close relationships. I know that although they might not be with me physically, they are still involved in my life. I know that I have ancestors that are watching with anticipation and encouragement as I make decisions in my life. I have angels watching over me, caring for me and sustaining me when my strength is gone.

When the time comes my spirit will pass through the veil that separates me from my kindred dead, and I will be met by the loving familiar faces of my family, never to be separated again.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Ode to be true!

Discovery of who I want to be when I grow up and hanging on to faith that one day I will be able to do just that.

Working toward becoming strong enough on my own two feet that I can help lift someone else’s weary hands from dragging.

Stepping forward when personal growth and progression is placed graciously before me even though it is painful.

Being me no matter who is around. Not changing who I am or how I interact with others to keep someone in my life, for it will always make me unhappy.

Remembering that everyone has a life story and they typically like to share. Continuing to take the time to talk to random individuals everywhere I go.

Smiling and saying hello takes very little effort, yet it is long lasting and is usually passed along causing continued effects.

Laughing at myself when grace is not my middle name, keeps me from taking life too seriously and let’s face it, makes life enjoyable.

Living to be trusted by those whom I love and have/do entrust me with portions of their lives and hearts.

Fret not, fret not, fret not! Not worrying about things that are out of my control.

Knowing exactly who I am and whose I am and acting accordingly.

Sharing myself, even though it frightens me worse than any other thing on the face of this planet.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominable and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
-CS Lewis Mere Christianity

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The fun of being a woman!

Being of the female gender is something that I would never change. There are so many benefits and blessings associated with it. I could explain all about it however due to space on blogger, I will refrain. If you would like to hear me on my soap box concerning this issue I can be found on the corner of 4th South and State Street on Tuesdays and Thursdays between the hours of 2:00 – 4:00 in the afternoon. 

However, with all of the spectacular reasons there are to being a woman, there are also some minor inconvenient happenings with which must be dealt. I had the privilege this morning of dealing with one such event.

At quarter to seven this morning I was sitting in the doctor’s office awaiting a new experience. Due to the fact that my mom and my grandma both had breast cancer, I got the opportunity to have a mammogram 5 years earlier than most the rest of the females on this great planet. I have a nasty habit of opening my mouth and smarty pants remarks usually go unfiltered out. Good thing that most of the doctors that I have contact with are used to this from me and actually find me somewhat humorous.

Let’s just leave this experience with that fact that the doctor this morning found me to be quite hilarious. She was laughing so hard that I thought she wasn’t going to make it through the rest of the exam without having to excuse herself to use the restroom. I think the one that got the largest laugh was something to do with stating that it was a good thing that I was flexible, but if she asked me next to stand on my head while holding my big toe and touching my nose with my left elbow and singing a rousing verse of “The Star Spangled Banner”, I would have to draw the line. After all, putting both feet behind my head is one thing, but honestly what’s a girl to do?!?!

Monday, April 04, 2005

I found an interesting statement given by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes and thought that I would share a portion of it because it made me smile.

“As I grow in age, I value women who are 30+ most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.”


Friday, April 01, 2005

A night full of surprise!

Sometimes things just go well. It is at those times that one should sit down and write them out so as to not forget when the winds change and life is difficult.

I went to dinner with some sweet friends after work. Spending time to laugh is important in this world and there isn’t a better way to accomplish that than being with people you love. I dropped the girls off at my house and awaited the next adventure.

My ride arrived and we were off. I haven’t had a good conversation with this friend in way too long. It was nice to spend some time REALLY talking. Although I still feel a bit of distance that I am being kept at, I joyfully announce that I am out of time out. Good thing too because I don’t do well in corners.

Home again and I received two more phone calls. One from a Mr. Blind Date and we are going out on another date tonight. The other one was from a friend that I haven’t talked to in almost two years. He called because his wife just had their second baby. I love that even though we haven’t talked or seen each other, he still thinks about me when things occur in his life. There are some people in your life that will never exit all the way. Even though you aren’t at their home, you are at home in their hearts.

I finished the night by talking to one of my BFFs! Nights like this don’t get any better! The smile is still beaming from my face.


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