Just Rannin' Around

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I have discovered a few things about myself lately that I really need to change.

Annoying little things that are bugging me and which if I don’t fix might just drive me crazy.

I feel a need to fix things. I have a really hard time just giving someone a little sympathy when they tell me something. I hate to see anyone hurting and so an urge immediately takes over and advice starts spewing forth from my mouth. I always have to have an opinion. Only when I am being completely aware of myself do I restrain this natural tendency of mine and just simply give a little love. My family has gotten to the point where they tell me whether they just need me to listen or if they want some advice. Families are great!

I get really snappy when someone asks me something and I think that they should know the answer. I find myself doing this mostly at work and it has only started happening in the last year or so. This one I can’t figure if it due to getting tired of the same questions day after day or if it runs a bit deeper and really has to do with the fact that I am just tired of the job overall. I am going to have to do a little bit of introspect on this one, but I also need to shape up and be a nicer person. Nobody deserves to be snapped at because they simply asked a question especially if it is only because I am not entirely happy with my current work situation.

I’ve allowed my social life to fall by the way side. I talk on the phone a ton. Talking on the phone is not and has never been something which I enjoy. However I spend a lot of time talking to friends that no longer live close enough to play with or visit on a regular basis. I have friends all over these United States. The problem is not only are they not here, most of them are married (no worries-I am either talking to the woman or the wife is fully aware that I am talking to her husband and she will typically be on speaker phone completely involved in the conversation). I still do things every now and again, but I don’t feel the motivation anymore to make sure that I have something to do every single weekend. I really don’t mind sitting at home reading or cooking or watching a movie. It scares me a little because I love to be going and be involved, but I am becoming so content.

Well I won’t give away all my imperfections in one writing.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Someone unlock my thoughts please!

There is so much happening right now in my life. Things are swirling all around me and I sometimes think that there is no way that I can keep up with them.

I have a roommate moving out. The last eight years I have never searched for a roommate, but rather they always have just kind of shown up at my front door. I shouldn’t have been even a little shocked when I received the phone call from a friend in Vegas that she had a really good friend that needed some place to live while she made the transition from Nevada to Utah. This would only be a short term arrangement however, until she sold her house there and found something to buy here. It might be nice to still have some company in my house....although it won’t be the same as having Tammy here!

The calling is starting. I had a nice long talk with the Stake Relief Society President on Sunday and starting filling in my calendar with all of my new responsibilities. We have yet to be set apart, but she assures me that should happen sometime within the next two weeks. I will feel much better after that happens and we can just jump in with both feet and start working. My mind has already been filling with ideas about things that might be helpful and which I would like to see accomplished.

I am steadily moving closer to completing the travel agent courses which means moving closer to maybe making another big decision concerning my life path. The more that I have been working with people to help set up vacations and honeymoons and team travel, the more I have realized just how much I love it. There is nothing like doing a job that makes people smile and gets them really excited. I think that the only job that would be comparable would be that of delivering flowers. I am not positive what will happen yet because it would be a huge change to the amount of income, but money isn’t everything and I am very aware of that.....I just need to make sure that I can still make the house payment.

I have been talking on the phone for the past month to a guy that was given my phone number by a mutual friend. We talk for hours. I am starting to think that he is never going to ask me out even though we get along great. He has invited me to a couple of large group outings, but I have always had others things planned. Had he actually asked me out on a date, those plans would have been changed and I would have made myself available, but not for a hang out. I already do plenty of that and I don’t feel the need to have any more “hang out” buddies. I don’t know if guys realize that most girls will clear their schedules almost at a drop of a hat in order to accept a date….that is if you clearly let them know that it is a date.

There is so much more happening and I just don’t have the energy to think about it any more tonight.....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Knowledge is power….power to realize that there is still so much more to learn.

Last night I spent the evening with a two-month old. I agreed to tend a friend’s baby while he and his wife spent their first moments alone away since the baby was born. It covered all the typical bases entailed with watching a two-month old. I fed him his bottle, burped him, changed his diaper and put him in his pajamas. We then went out to enjoy the night air a bit and went for a walk. Okay, I did all the walking since he hasn’t yet learned. When we got back to the house, we played a rousing game of patty-cake which produce a lot of little giggles first from him and then from me because it was so cute. Finally I wrapped him up in a blanket, held him close and sang softly while we gently rocked in the chair. Luckily he went to sleep before I did. I held him for an hour before I finally got up and put him in his crib. There is just something so peaceful about holding a sleeping child.

Growing up we look to others to teach us and help us understand the world in which we live. Every individual, due to their own experiences in life, has something worthwhile to teach. I never want to lose the desire to gain knowledge, but I know that I must listen with ears that are in tune with the Spirit. It is a daunting, yet exciting opportunity each of us has to make a difference by not only learning but also by teaching.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Great weekend.

Amazing friends. Wonderful food. Spectacular play. New calling.

I have said it before and I will probably say it for all my years......

Life has not turned out even close to what I was expecting and planning for myself, but knowing that it is the way as it should be is reassuring.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Work has been insane.

I haven't wanted to be at home alone.

Tomorrow I leave for Denver.....

Saturday it is all about Wicked!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I am not much of a television watcher

Thursday night is one of the only exceptions. I watch The Office because it makes me laugh....sometimes so hard that I have to wipe tears from my eyes and catch my breath.

I admire what Pam did in the episode tonight.

Ever increasing.

I went to lunch with a client today. She is a bit younger than I am and after some formal business talk, we started chatting about our personal lives. The never ending question of whether or not I am currently dating someone presented itself. When I answered in the negative, she immediately threw the “it’s because you are so intimidating” card down onto the table.

The look on my face must have told a story (I have learned to hate that word in association with me) because she began to explain all the reasons why that it was a true statement. She even threw in the “I am even a little intimidated by you”. She told me that besides all the other great things she had just complimented me on, being a beautiful, successful business woman that seems to have her life going in all the right directions was not the best way to attract men. The comment that ended this portion of the chatting was me throwing down, “well if I am intimidating now, it is only bound to get worse with upcoming events in my life.”

I don’t mean to be intimidating. I don’t think that I am intimidating. I won’t stop progressing in life just to get a date on Friday night or a ring on my finger because then I am being dishonest with myself and the man. All I can do is hope and pray that there is someone out there that has enough courage to rather than be intimidated, be impressed and attracted.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Strength of an army

“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come” -2 Timothy 3:1

In my mind I always believed growing up that “perilous times” meant only that of physical wars and destruction. Although I still know that this is part of the meaning, I am beginning to understand a greater, more powerful meaning.

Due to the fact that I like to watch and listen, I have discovered much sorrow in the lives of people that I hold dear to my heart. The whirlwind blows and without discretion captures some here and some there, some at this time and some at another. It holds them and drops them at will, leaving some with small and others great messes around them. Other times we personally step into the whirlwind thinking we are either strong enough to withstand or out of curiosity. Those kicking against the pricks are always great candidates for the next whirlwind.

To me “perilous times” also includes all the spiritual and emotional wars happening within and around us. The whirlwinds are trials and tribulations, no matter the form in which they present themselves. I have seen innumerable forms in so many different lives and plenty in my own life. With so many storms blowing all around each of us, it amazes me that there is still such a calm and peaceful way to endure each of them.

I think first is in knowing that we are protected.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Personally I believe that most of the time the way to escape and bear it is by and through those around us that care for us. There is always at least one person in our lives that we fully trust and know that no matter what our current state, they will unconditionally love us. Of course there is some responsibility that falls to us.

“But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;

Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest.” - Alma 13: 28-29

Although it is not always my favorite to admit, the second part comes with a knowledge that it will be for our benefit. Throughout the scriptures there is great comfort in the countless mention of why we have trials and weaknesses.

“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;

And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.” - Hebrews 12: 11-13

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” - Ether 12:27

Finally and most important is the exciting news that even when we haven’t done things perfectly, we will be blessed for trying. That our Savior will make up the difference and that as we put forth effort in working toward the goals of living the gospel, blessings will pour from heaven. I think that on too many occasions we forget to look around and realize that we are literally drenched with blessings.

“Let not your hearts be troubled; for in my Father’s house are many mansions, and I have prepared a place for you; and where my Father and I am, there ye shall be also.” -Doctrine and Covenants 98:18

One of my favorite parables in the New Testament is that of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15:11-32. There are three different viewpoints from which one can read these verses: the older brother’s, the prodigal’s or the Father’s.

When we read the story from the older brother’s viewpoint there is frustration and a sense of unfairness that surrounds it. When we read it from the prodigal’s viewpoint there is a lack of understanding how such forgiveness can be offered. However, when we read it from the Father’s viewpoint all the questions simply go away. The older brother has the blessing of always being with the Father, from beginning to end. The prodigal realizes that there are not servants in the kingdom, only sons. The Father is able to have all His children which is the ultimate joy for Him and for which He is striving. I always choose to not only read that parable from the Father’s viewpoint, but I strive to look at each individual including myself as He does. There is always a place in the kingdom for each of us and everything is fair under the laws of God.

The whirlwinds exist and knowing that they exist is half the battle. We know that at different times in our lives we will face the forces of those winds and all that falls and hits us as they blow. The thing to which we all need to cling is the knowledge that we can face those storms. We will hurt. We will fail. We will lack understanding. We will go through hundreds of emotions. We will heal. We will stand up and try again. We will understand. We will go through hundreds of emotions. We will make it....together.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Things that sometimes make me nervous....

- Being alone at night
- Talking to the one person who makes my heart beat just a little faster
- Closing with new clients in the room
- Having my blood drawn
- Not having the answers
- Never knowing what the next day holds
- Admitting fault and imperfections in myself
- Telling someone about me
- Stake Executive Secretary calling because the Stake President needs to talk to me

Sunday, May 06, 2007


I spent the weekend in Texas with one of the best friends that I have ever and probably will ever have in my life. I have known her for over 15 years and the story of how we even became friends in the first place still makes us laugh until there are tears rolling down our cheeks. It has been a friendship that has seen both of us through some of the hardest moments and sweetest moments in our lives. Both of us have immediately stopped whatever is going on in our lives and traveled many miles to be at the other’s side when needed. It is a priceless gift. Realization that I have more than one of these such relationships in my life had more tears streaming on the way home.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

I am out of here.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Reality according to Webster:

1) the quality or state of being real 2) a real event, entity, or state of affairs, the totality of real things and events 3) something that is neither derivative or dependent but exists necessarily.

Reality according to me:

Realization that I will probably not go to law school, but not because I am incapable, quite the opposite is true, rather my desire to pursue that dream is fading. Once I could completely imagine myself dressed to the nines, marching into a courtroom and arguing my way to victory. I think that over the years I have proved that one doesn’t have to pass the board to accomplish that feat. I am willing and amazingly equipped to hold my own with just about anyone. I think my love of learning and reading has been of great benefit in this cause.

What does one answer when asked what the next five years will hold? Does one answer with fading dreams and stars that disappeared a decade ago? Reality of things, great things actually is how I am learning to answer. So what was my answer to this question when asked a few weeks ago? I didn’t have one, but I have pondered the question and this is what I can see.....

In five years, my house will be paid off. That is if I just continue doing the things that I am currently doing. That is a huge blessing. It will also enable me to change and do something that I know I would thoroughly enjoy because financially I will be fairly established. Money is not everything, but I do have to be able to support myself and I am afraid that everything I want to do with my life makes zero to extremely little pennies, but instead is all about the non-monetary rewards.

I am more than half way through the courses now. I am currently in the middle of a basketball team trip, a Spanish class trip to Mexico, a honeymoon, a mission pick up for a family of eight to Ireland and a trip to Europe. There are more and more coming everyday. The only trouble seems to be that for everything I plan, I have a desire to go. That will be the reward, seeing the world for extremely little money.....good thing since there won’t be a lot of it to be found! That is exciting to me. I can only imagine the people and places now, but to experience the world is a gift.

True joy is found in living the gospel. Happiness is a state that is decided upon each and every day. What does the next five years hold in store? For me, true joy and happiness because every day I will do the things that my Heavenly Father wants me to do and because no matter what I will choose to be such. That is the only answer I have due to the fact that I control nothing but my will and my attitude.


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