Just Rannin' Around

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I wish I were a tear so I could start in your eye, live on your face and die on your lips . . .

Grocery shopping has to happen. It isn’t glamorous, but it can be full of surprises.

I must admit that I have been hit on in the grocery store before, but the winner has to be yesterday’s encounter. It was supposed to be a quick trip, just in and out. Mostly I was in need of the basics: milk, cheese, fresh fruit and veggies, some meat for a couple of dinners and some spices for another new recipe that I want to try. My 15 minute shopping excursion ended up becoming over an hour.

Milk . . . . check

Cheese . . . check

I was standing with spices surrounding me, two different bottles in my hands carefully examining the labels. I hadn’t quite found the spice that I really wanted, but wasn’t really sure what I was looking for either because the one I wanted, they didn’t have. I bent (at the knees of course) down to see if the lower shelves held anything more intriguing when I was asked what exactly I was looking for. The next ten minutes was followed by a lot of laughter as this guy tried to help me find a spice that would work.

After I decided on one, he told me that my boyfriend had better enjoy the dinner since I had already slaved over it and hadn’t even made it to the kitchen yet. I smiled and said, “Nope, just cooking for myself.” He then said that my boyfriend must be out of town then because a woman as beautiful as me had to be attached. He said, “As for me, I could look at that smile all day long and be perfectly content.”

So started the 45 minute conversation about why he thought it was perfectly horrific that I didn’t have a boyfriend. I think that I received every compliment in the book . . . twice. It was a great conversation. However I will not disclose all the details as I would sound like I was making the whole thing up because things like this just doesn’t really happen. One of my favorite parts had to be when he kind of got lost right in the middle of the sentence he was speaking and his talking just kind of faded out. I raised my eyebrows a bit since he was looking at me, when he shook his head a bit and said, “You are so intoxicating.” He told me that my eyes could be the very death of any man. This statement made me smile because the last guy I dated used to tell me that he needed to keep me blindfolded because when he was looking into my eyes he would give me and do for me anything that I wanted.

Mr. Grocery Store decided to tell me everything that he could tell that I wanted in a man and then proceeded to tell me that I should be warned that I was on a platform and that I would need to realize that I would have to help the right guy up to where I was. Now I must admit that I was a bit upset about this statement because I don’t think that it is true and I have heard it way too often in my life, but he did mean it as a compliment. He told me that the man I was looking for (now I had not told him ANYTHING about what I was or wasn’t looking for in a man . . . this was his feelings from helping me choose spices I suppose) would be extremely difficult to find. Again I raised my eyebrows in question. He then proceeded to tell me that he could tell that as beautiful as I was on the outside, the inside was even better, but (and he held up a finger) “you have an unleashed, extremely wild side to you. You want to explore it, but only will in the right circumstances. You are a stick of dynamite.”

He told me that I wouldn’t come by it easily because, “You want the good guy that goes to church, fulfills his responsibilities, and does things the right way with you. However, you have to have someone that has a very naughty side to him to keep you happy because if he doesn’t have that side, you won’t be happy.” He concluded with, “Women like you don’t exist and the man that has the guts (okay this wasn’t the word he used) to come get you, will never be disappointed.”

At that point his phone rang and he waved as he walked away.

I was left standing in the aisle laughing and shaking my head.

**This was not the whole story but frankly with the massive amounts of compliments that I received (some of which made me slightly uncomfortable) or some of the context of advice he offered (some of which made me even more uncomfortable), I would be too embarrassed to share them here.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
-Helen Keller

I have had the most random sleeping patterns the last little while. My body begs for the comfort of my bed around 10:00 every night and I almost always succumb to that irresistible draw. I have always excelled in the area of sleep (listen everyone has to have talents, don't make fun of mine). Once tucked into bed, usually without fail, I am fast asleep. I am a deep sleeper so not much bothers me (yes that includes gun shots right outside my bedroom window and an entourage of police cars and fire trucks with blaring lights and sirens . . . but that is a whole different blog). I am also really good at getting at least 8-9 hours of sleep every night and have been known on weekends at times to get a bit more.

However, lately I have found that I am waking up between 3:00 - 4:00 every morning. I am not just talking about the need-to-go-to-the-bathroom-and-right-back-to-sleep awake either. I am talking about the eyes-wide-open-mind-fully-alert-running-a-million-miles-a-minute-get-up-before-it-really-gets-you-in-trouble-taking-you-places-you-shouldn't-think-about awake. the problem is that I haven't yet found a reason strong enough to convince myself to get out of my bed at that wretched hour in order to stop the torture. I am usually awake for about two hours of this fun before slipping back into a deep sleep until my alarm goes off, in what seems like, only minutes later. I guess I should really just start getting up and do something productive.

This morning I was mentally calculating out how long I could live on the equity of my home if I sold it and was incredibly frugal. It was staggering when I realized how little I could really live on by making a few changes, changes that honestly don't even matter to me. It was a hard thing to swallow when I realized that most of what I have, I have obtained trying to fill a void that can't be filled with anything that can be purchased. Some people eat for comfort, evidently I buy things.

I've decided that my focus is to daily find one happy occurrence that I can figuratively keep in my pocket for comfort.

Monday, January 25, 2010

"The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between sleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened."

I woke up this morning with a smile already on my face. My whole being just felt refreshed and alive even though I knew that it was just a dream. Typically I don't remember my dreams, so when I do they tend to be extremely vivid and envelop me in both physical and emotional sensations.

Growing up we spent a lot of time at my grandparent's home in St. George. Since it has been probably a little over 12 years since that house was sold, I was surprised that it was the setting of my dream the other night. Even more ironic was that nobody from the family was there. I wasn't there by myself though and the smile came because I knew who was waiting for me to finish soaking in childhood memories.

I watched myself walk up the basement stairs and look around the garage with the notorious "Blue Streak" Volvo parked in its normal place and the tan Lincoln Town Car situated next to it. Through the door was the pantry room on the left and then past the washer and dryer on the right into Grandpa's television room. The curtains were drawn open on the sliding glass doors behind his Lazy Boy and I could see the golf course a few steps from the back lawn lush green and aching to be used.

Through the kitchen where so many family events, gossip, who needed five-in-the-mouth discussions and ever so much more took place all filled with love. Honestly the house is still so crystal clear to my memory that it almost makes me dizzy. Of course even being as little as I was when they moved to St. George, I still have an imprint in my mind of their house in Bountiful also. I suppose when there are so many memories involved in certain places those places never fully leave you.

I walked into the entryway by the front door, noting the white statue carefully balancing a plant on top, when my hand was lovingly taken and we walked out the door, carefully closing it behind us.

Friday, January 22, 2010

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

For the past two years I have been involved in a referral group. This is how I have been doing some extra marketing in an attempt to build a larger clientele base. About six months ago, I was approached by the Director for the State and asked if I could assume a leadership role within the organization. No pay, but my annual dues would be waived as long as I kept up with my responsibilities.

The past two weeks my time has seemed to disappear into those responsibilities. There were five additional early morning meetings starting at 7:00 (and we were asked to be there 30 minutes prior), a couple of afternoon meetings and then three after work meetings which didn't put me at home until late. The workshops were fabulous and I took away some great insight and valuable information. However, I am grateful that it is now done and I can get back to a normal schedule.

The presenter was the same for the entire two weeks. He is extremely dynamic and practices what he preaches . . . and I know this because I witnessed him doing what he was telling us to do more than once during the two weeks he has been here. I have met him on a few other occasions and this time he spent some extra time with me giving me some suggestions on what I can do to help the other groups that I have some responsibility to help.

Now before I continue, please let me state that he is married, so don't think down that line.

Have you ever had a bonding connection with someone that you couldn't explain? A connection that didn't take any work at all, it was just there? I have had this happen exactly three (a few of you will know who these are) times in my life . . . with the fourth happening two weeks ago. Again, don't think anything, one of these was with one of my dearest girlfriends. It is a phenomenon that I can't even begin to explain.

He was presenting to large groups in each of these and honestly we didn't even talk one on one at all, but the connection was there. I think I have had more eye contact this last two weeks than anyone should have in a year.

This morning was his last morning in town. After the meeting, he was busily shaking hands and telling people goodbye. I had an issue to deal with and so I stepped out of the room with a couple of people. Not two minutes later, he stepped out to make sure that I hadn't left. I know that because he found me, grabbed my arm, smiled and then went back into the room as to not disturb us.

The room was almost cleared by the time I made it back. He came over and gave me the most genuine hug that I have had in a long time. There are hugs and then there are real hugs. Hugs that make you feel how much they truly care about you.

I needed that.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
-Ashleigh Brilliant

I spent some quality time with a friend last night that I haven't seen in almost a year. Since I knew ahead of time that we were going to be hanging out, I took the opportunity to try some new recipes. I definitely have to pat myself on the back for the menu last night. I love food and I really love great, homemade food. Bonus that I love to cook! I especially enjoy it when I have someone who is willing to be brave and try new things with me.

On the menu for last night:

Chicken smothered with artichoke heart topping
Baked asparagus seasoned with Thyme

Followed by dessert:

Baked pears seasoned with nutmeg, lemon zest and crystallized ginger topped with vanilla ice cream

Let me just say . . . . YUMMY! the chicken was probably my favorite part of the whole meal. When he went back for seconds, I knew that I wasn't the only one enjoying.

Monday, January 18, 2010

“Deep in my heart I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say. Scared to confess what I’m feeling – frightened you’ll slip away.”

Friday night I went over to my friend Emily’s house to watch a movie. She lives in my complex and as I always do, I just walked over. We had a great time chatting and then watched a movie (actually we did have to pause the movie at one point because a conversation was needed right in the middle). It was a really fun time and much needed on my part (thanks Emily).

After the movie, I gathered up the movies and treats that I had bombarded her house with and started the minute walk back to my house. Normally (and for some very good reasons) I am a very cautious individual when I am by myself and even more so when it is late at night and I am out by myself (Dad, I promise it doesn’t happen very often). However I think because of the proximity between our homes and the fact that I have always felt incredibly safe in my neighborhood, I wasn’t paying attention to much other than attempting to avoid slipping on the ice on the road (which I had done on the way over).

I had just turned the corner, which means I was across the street and about three houses away from being at my front door, when I got this creepy feeling that I was being watched. My head immediately snapped up and scanned the area. My eyes quickly took in the situation and my heart began to race. Coming straight down my path and no more than 30 feet between us was somebody I would not have liked to meet in the street mid-day with a group of friends and here it was almost 11 pm, my arms full, keys in my coat pocket and by myself. I knew that my high-heeled boots chattering down the street had given away my presence way before I knew that he was there.

Quick assessment: about 6’5” tall and weighed probably close to 220

A side glance told me that he was directly across the road from my home which is where he paused. I believe this is the moment that the word “crap” (or some other form of said word) crossed my mind. I slowed my pace just enough to shift everything I was holding to one arm so that I could pull out my keys before getting to my door. I causally crossed to my side of the street and hurried to my door. Now I had to turn my back to him. Not something that I particularly wanted to do, but if I wanted to get my door unlocked it had to happen.

Have you ever tried to unlock your door while shaking? For something that is done day in and day out without issue, it was the longest process in the universe. I was happy to hear the sound of my alarm start to chime as the door finally swung open. I about tripped over myself attempting to get my door shut and locked. There was no hesitation turning the alarm off the away setting and immediately setting it to stay. I don’t think that my heart or my shaking stopped for at least an hour after I crawled into bed. My ears went into hypersensitive mood as I listened for any sign of someone trying to enter. This is the point where I wanted to make a phone call so I didn’t have to be by myself, but my stupid insecurities, independence . . . call it what you like . . . wouldn’t let me.

This is always one of those moments where I always think that every woman in the world that is lucky enough to have a husband and someone to share her bed with every night, better be incredibly grateful. I am sure there is nothing better than curling up in your husband’s arms and feeling safe, protected not alone. Have you kissed you husband today and told him you love him? Do it!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo

I have had writer's block lately. Every single time I have a couple of minutes to actually sit down and blog, I end up staring at a blank screen to the point of frustration . . . thus the lack of posts.

I was persuaded to join the 21st Century and purchased my first IPod. I figured (or rather talked into by a salesman) since I was joining already, I might as well join all the way and purchased an IPod Touch. Thankfully, someone has been extremely sweet and taken the time to help me get it set up correctly and has been attempting to teach me how it use it. Thank you!

Why is it when I sit down to write, I either can't think of anything to say or all of the sudden there are 63 emergencies that I need to take care of immediately?

Oh well, more later . . . .


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