Just Rannin' Around

Monday, January 31, 2005

Just call me the Ice Princess!

This weekend has been full of wrapping up in blankets and hoping that frost bite didn’t set in. Currently my home thermostat reads at a blistering 20 degrees Fahrenheit. For reasons unknown to me, my heater started to blow cold air rather than warm air on Saturday morning. With the winter weather outside, it didn’t take long for the once warm, cozy home to turn into a place where ice cream on the counter wouldn’t melt.

I was able to get a hold of the repair individual finally this morning. He won’t be able to make it until tomorrow, which means one more night of trying to keep myself from growing too numb from the cold. Walls are wonderful things that help to keep me protected from additional harsh winter conditions.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Lions and tigers and bears…oh my!

There is a sensation that eyes are intently assessing my every movement. One false step and a ravenous monster will be there to pounce. So far I have outwitted the monsters in my closet and the bigger ones that hide out under my bed. Currently the deal I have with both sets of these monsters are they only speak when spoken to and let’s just say I haven’t heard from them in years.

It was easy to deal with the big monsters hanging out in my closet and under my bed. They were so obvious. They didn’t even try to be sneaky or subtle. I have come to the conclusions that it is the miniature monsters that can hide out in the tiniest of corners that I become accustom and comfortable with having around that are the most difficult to keep from causing me the most trouble.

My monsters are unique only to me. Somebody may have one that looks something like mine, but believe me when I say that spending the years I have with them, they are one of a kind. Slowly I have been catching them. Maybe because after years of letting them sneak around as they please, I have begun to pay attention to their movements. Catching them isn’t enough, they must sign the same contract that the bigger monsters have and then I dismiss them to a place where the light is always keeping me aware of them.

I have pulled out the GPS tracking system and they are toast.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

One of the timers buzzed yesterday. Timeout is over.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Warning out for all drivers in the Wasatch Front….dense fog

I have been driving the streets of the greater Salt Lake area since the summer of ’94 when I relocated here from St. George to attend the University of Utah. Due to this fact, I have a tendency to drive on auto pilot while attending to other matters infiltrating my mind. At times I wonder how I actually arrived to my destination because I don’t remember the drive; not extremely safe, but accomplished quite frequently.

Last night however was an entirely new learning experience. I began my commute back home from Farmington and recognized that the normal 25 minute drive was going to be extended due to the fact that I could only see about 10 feet ahead of me. It seemed as though I was actually driving through clouds. The streets that I know like the back of my hand, became foreign and unfamiliar. All concentration had to be placed on a task which is typically second nature. Apprehension began to clutch my stomach.

Approaching what I hoped was my exit, a thought hit me (it only hurt for a second) and I began to laugh. It was crazy that I was crawling along streets that could drive in my sleep. I had driven them countless times and in every type of weather. This time only differed in the thickness of the fog. Why was I having such traumatic location issues this night? When I safely reached my home, I began going through my nightly routine ending by tucking myself into bed.

Normally when my head hits the pillow, I am out cold. However, my brain kicked into overdrive as I stared at the wall. I began to parallel the drive home with my life (don’t try this at home as it could be detrimental to your well being). I came to the conclusion that no matter how many times we “drive” through the streets of life and no matter how familiar they seem to be to us, there will be times that the fog is so thick that we won’t even recognize the way which we need to turn to change to the streets that take us home. Even though we have maybe have been there, done that, the weather changes which in accordance changes how we “drive”. Speed can be increased or decreased. Attention can be slight or intense. Visibility can be crystal clear or blocked. Roads can be dry, wet, icy, straight, curved, paved, or bumpy.

The environment or situation can and does change the “roads” of life. We could be on auto pilot some days, but on others all attention must be focused where we are going or we will miss our exit. There is comfort knowing that if we miss our exit that there is another one coming that may take us additional time and pain, but can also get us to our final destination.

Just my two cents for the day!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Still in my thoughts and prayers.

I feel helpless. There is definitely an inability to act. There are a few things in my life that are occurring right now over which I have no control. Situations that involve individuals whom I love and want to see nothing but joy in their lives, however for one reason or another I’m unable to help in the ways I usually do which causes inner turmoil in my heart.

Physical distance or emotional distance, neither makes it any easier to ignore. Understanding that someone is hurting and struggling is more than enough to make me want to give anything I have to help take away the pain. I feel like I have been placed in time out without a timer to inform me when I will get to come out. Of course there is an enormous possibility that I will never be allowed to come out in some situations.

No hugs, no encouraging words, no knowing just how much I care. The only thing I have that I can give; my thoughts, my love and my prayers.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Life starts over.

Thank you to all that have shared their concern with the tragedy that has been occurring within my family. It is comforting to know that I have such an incredible support system that reaches out when in need. My family has definitely felt the prayers in their behalf and we have seen a few small miracles that touch our hearts.

A few days ago a neighbor contacted my brother and informed him that when they realized that his house was not going to make it through the night, they rushed over and retrieved as many items as they could. They now have found that they have some clothes, some of the pictures that were hanging on the walls, my brother’s gun safe which contained thousands of dollars of guns (he is a huge hunter), and some additional random items. It wasn’t much, but it is more than they thought they had and they were extremely grateful and a bit overwhelmed by everyone’s outreaching.

With all the family meetings, we have managed to gather almost a kitchen full of appliances. All of my siblings are married, with the exception of myself and my baby sister and they gathered all the wedding gifts which they received more than one of and hadn’t even been opened or put to use. It is amazing what a family of 22 can pull together within a short period of time.

The most precious of all is the reaction of two of my nieces. My sister had sat them down and explained what had happened to their 1-year-old cousin the morning that the events unfolded. Later that night my sister was watching the news with my two nieces playing at her feet. After the news about the events occurring in Southern Utah, my 3-year-old niece looked up at my sister and said, “Mom, I need to give Betty my shoes and my clothes because she doesn’t have any anymore.” With that my 5-year-old niece added, “Austyn, we need to give her our toys too because she doesn’t have anything to play with either.” They both promptly stood up, went to their room and started picking out everything that they needed to give to Betty. My sister said the most incredible thing about it was they were picking all of their new clothes and new Christmas toys to give her. I cried when the story was shared with me.

God my not stop tragedies from happening, however there are miracles that follow if you stop to realize that His hand is always in our lives.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Spoke to my mom, life isn't so beautiful down south.

There have currently been 17 homes taken down the river by the floods in Southern Utah as of this morning, with 7 other homes in serious danger of following suit. My mom called me today to inform me that my bother's home was one that went down the river early this morning. They hadn't taken anything with them yesterday when they left except the diaper bag and the clothes on their backs. They just lost everything. We as a family are extremely grateful for the safety of my brother, my sister-in-law and my 1 year old niece. Material items can be replaced, my family can't.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Flooding in the desert! Check it out on http://tv.ksl.com/specials/index.php?nid=44
There is a street in St. George that carries the name “Flood Street”. It carries the name for the reason that anytime it rains, that street always gets the most water flowing down it. It is the coolest street to play on when it is raining. Talk about amazing stick races, the gutters have nothing on this street. Well evidentially the rest of the St. George area wanted to compete.

I spoke to my mom earlier today to check on all my family that currently lives in the area. I found out that so far, my mom and dad and my two sisters and their families really haven’t been affected other than helping to sandbag. However, my younger brother who happens to live in Santa Clara which is one of the worst hit areas had to hire a helicopter to lift him, his wife and my niece out of their house. Crazy!!

Jokingly I asked my mom if she was ready to move up here with me to get out of the horrible weather. I asked her that since that is what she always asks me whenever we have huge snow storms up here. She didn’t find me so humorous for some reason. Just sayin'........

Monday, January 10, 2005

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone around me really knows or ever remembers what I ultimately want out of life. Per the world’s standards, it would appear that I have everything that anyone should want. I have a college degree, a career in which I have excelled and make fairly good money, a home, an SUV, no debt with the exception of my home, time and means to travel wherever the wind carries me, tons of friends, and lots of toys and extras. Don’t get me wrong, I am so extremely grateful for all the opportunities and blessings that have been given to me in this time of my life, but it is never what I dreamed for myself.

Saturday a friend came over to talk about some stuff happening in her life. During the few hours that she was there, she shared some compliments with me that a mutual guy friend had shared with her concerning me. He told her that one of the most impressive things that he saw in me was that I would give up everything, everything to be a wife and a mom. That he knew I was doing the things that I was and had the things I had because I did it out of survival, not out of choice. He stated that I was choosing to better myself and to make the most out of everything that was given to me, but that the opportunity to have the career I most desired had not presented itself in my life yet it hadn’t slowed me down.

What an amazing compliment and how wonderful to know that some realize that I really would give up the things that world sees as being important for the things that I know are eternally important. When I grow up I want to be a wife and a mom that stays home and makes a home that is comfortable and a safety zone from the world for my family. I don’t need lots of money, for anything. I need an eternal companion and with him, together we can get through and make the best of anything else that is dealt to us. That is what I dream of and that is why I continue to work hard at what I am currently involved in achieving. I never want to look back and realize that I haven’t done something just because at the time I wanted something different. It is all about learning and growing in the situation that we are in and being patient enough to wait for other things to happen.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The guys in the back have been taking bets.

My assistant at work just happens to be (or maybe I did a little recruiting) a very dear friend. Our personalities are much the same in the fact that we both know when it is time to play and when it is time to get down to business.

Both of us are genuinely happy individuals and find humor in just about everything. We have been known to have paper ball fights down the halls making sure to hit anyone that happens to step out of their offices, oops sorry about that. However, when it comes to business we are organized, proficient and dedicated, which at times pulls both of us into a world where play doesn’t exist for a time. Our whole attitude is directed to the business at hand.

One of the things that we find humorous is that we pretend that we are fighting. Most of the time it is just a loud verbal comment to see how many people will look up from their desks to see what is happening. Other times if something happens, we act like it is physical. For example, the other day for no reason I got a bloody nose and so I walked into my boss’ office and told them that she hit me. One of the owners always just laughs, the other one loves to play along so he marched to her desk and scolded her for being mean to me. It is stupid, but it keeps things light in a business that can be demanding and stressful.

Well I guess that all our fun and games got the guys in the back talking and they called the two of us in to settle a bet. They wanted to know who we thought would win if there was an actual fist fight that occurred between the two of us. We looked at each other and began to laugh. First because neither of us would ever really hit the other one due to the fact that we can’t be mad at anyone for very longer than 2.3 seconds. Second, we would talk things through. However, third was that neither of us was certain who would win. They then told us that they would pay to see that fight. They said it would be the fight of the century. They would even clear out the back room to give a spot to hold it, although flying computer monitors would add some spice to the fight.

If it ever happens, I will be sure to let you know who wins, but now is the time to place your bet…….the guys are accepting them.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

“A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.”

I am not an incredibly open person when it concerns my life. I skim the surface of things about me if I am asked, but I won’t divulge too much information. Maybe it is because I think that comparative to others I lead a fairly boring life. Maybe it is because I don’t want to be hurt and the more information someone has about me, the more power they have to crush me. Maybe it is because I would much rather listen than talk. Maybe it is because I think that if people were let in to see the whole me, they wouldn’t like what they found.

Looking at it, I realize that each reason is an insecurity within myself that I just have to suck it up, and get over it. I love to listen to people. I love to cry with people when they hurt. I love to rejoice with them when exciting things occur. I love to just sit in silence with them and understand that sometimes it is just about having someone you care about at your side, no words necessary. I love to be included in other people’s worlds. I feel a closeness to them when I am welcomed into that world……maybe it is time to open my world so that people can feel that same closeness to me. Scary!!!

“We come to love, not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to love an imperfect person perfectly!”

I am learning that I need to allow people to know me and all my imperfections that come with me. I have to give them the opportunity to love me regardless of my mistakes, stupid choices, lame jokes, being lazy, negative attitude, disappointed, failing, losing…….basically not being “perfect”. I love and accept everyone else and their imperfections, should I not allow others to do the same for me?

I was once told that if someone can’t accept something about me, then they aren’t worth it anyway. My theory has always been, “you can love the person while not agreeing with the choice.” If I voice that I don’t necessarily like something that has been decided, that doesn’t mean that my love has decreased at all. Lately I have found that my heart has been aching for those people around me. Some have made decisions in their lives that have lead them to dark places and some are just struggling. I have sent innumerable prayers up in behalf of friends, some to whom I have been talking and others that don’t have a slight clue that I know they are hurting and that I even still care. How I wish I could wrap my arms around each of them and let them know that they don’t have to be alone. If I have these feelings about others, why wouldn’t other people feel the same about me in all of my glorious imperfections?

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world!”

You may never know who is watching and loving you from a distance. Wishing that there was some way or something that they could do to ease the burden or just let you know how much they care. There are more people than you think at any given time pulling for you, willing to be at your side if you but ask.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Happy 2005!!

Well the trip to Portland was short. I wish I would have had a bit more time to visit the OMSI and the Portland Art Museum. They will be two places ear marked for a longer visit at another time. We spent most of our time in the downtown area looking through shops like Nike and Columbia, two stores that we don't have in Salt Lake. We were also able to go to a wonderful little seafood restaurant (Jake's) that was suggested by the locals. I love to try new restaurants while I am in different areas and the best way to find them is to ask.

It was fun to be in another city for New Year's, however it didn't change my mind about New Year's not being a very exciting holiday. The downtown area was crowded with interesting people that were fun to watch. They have completely different lives than I. They had a concert going for the two hours before the ball drop at midnight. It was all 70's music which was fun to hear songs that aren't played all too much anymore, but are popular enough that we still knew them. The friend that come with me found her dream lover up on stage, but alas was unable to even get to talk to him. He was head to toe in 70's clothes and when he sang, he was high enough to impersonate a 5-year-old Michael Jackson. It was great!!

We flew back on Saturday night and made it home in enough time to watch my team (University of Utah) kick the trash out of Pittsburgh with a final score of 35-7 in the Fiesta Bowl. Most agree that Utah went uncontested this year, even in the bowl game. The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review and the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette had some great commentary about how the entire team was out-played, out-witted, and playing out of their league. I won't even begin to get on my soap box about how the entire college football system of bowl games needs to be reviewed and revised. Why in the world is #6 ranked Utah playing #21 ranked Pittsburgh in a bowl game?!?! There will be three teams that will be left undefeated this season, why aren't they playing each other for a true #1 ranked team?!?! Nobody but the BCS can answer those questions and they choose not to do so.

Well I hope everyone else had an excellent weekend and that this new year is full of fun new adventures!!


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