I think I might be dying

 

I am an incredibly sound sleeper.  Once my head hits the pillow I am out and not even fire trucks in front of my house with sirens wailing and lights flashing can even make me turn over (believe me this has actually happened).   I usually don't move until the music from my alarm clock turns on and reminds me to rejoin the world.  I think because I am such a heavy sleeper (no that is not a fat joke), that I can never recall my dreams.   The only dreams I ever remember is when I am having a night of fitful sleep. 

 

This last week and a half has been completely different.  Every morning when I open my eyes I can remember at least one of the dreams which I had that night.   All of my dreams have consisted of people that have touched my life in so many different ways and whom I truly love and couldn't see myself being the person I am without their life at one point being intertwined with my own.

 

Some of the people I haven't seen in years, others I see almost daily, some just on occasion and none of the dreams have been about family members.   Through these dreams I have discovered something about myself, the thing that endears me to others the most is the time I have spent really talking to them one on one.   In each of the dreams I was given the opportunity to explain to them what they truly have meant to me.  I have been able to perfectly express myself without worrying about them taking it any other way than exactly how I meant it.   Oh to be that eloquent in real life. 

 

Maybe this is an awareness of the fact that I need to more often express myself to others.  It could be that I just deeply miss some of these people who don't play as big a part in my every day life as they once did.   Possibly I could be dying and this is my wake up call to set my affairs in order.  Okay so as far as I am aware I am not dying so this is a pretty far fetched idea, but one never knows.   I do know that I have been extremely blessed in my life with wonderful people that I don't tell enough just how much I love and appreciate them.

Home at last

It always amazes me how refreshed I feel after spending time at home. There is just something that comforts the soul and gladdens the heart to be surrounded by love and safety.

I had a wonderful Christmas full of all the magic this joyful season entails. I watched my nieces’ eyes light up at the sight of Christmas lights strung all over the city as we took a drive as a family on Christmas Eve. Then I tried to hold back a giggle as my three-year old niece attempted to break through the chain roping off the manger scene because she wanted to be by baby Jesus. I didn’t even attempt not to laugh when she asked Papa if he had the keys to the Temple because the doors were locked and she wanted to go inside Heavenly Father’s house. Walking around with tiny hands holding each of mine and answering innocent questions posed by my nieces, I realized that life doesn’t get much better than these moments.

The television didn’t have to be going for the laughing to be nonstop. Sitting down and reading new books in my most exciting character voices with a captive audience all under the age of five on my lap and making sure they new how pretty they were in both their new pajamas and church dresses brought smiles to everyone’s faces. Of course the laughter didn’t stop when my younger brother gave me Naked Twister for Christmas (he wrote the “naked” on the game box with black marker) and told me that I couldn’t loose with that game. Tears were there, but only when we gave each Mom and Dad their gift full of letters from each of us expressing our love and gratitude.

You see the magic of Christmas is found in each of our hearts and only seen as we share that love unconditionally with those around us. The trick is to find and share it all year long. How grateful I am that our Savior knows perfectly how to do just that and that He came to this earth as a tiny babe to show us how to live. Then suffered and allowed His life to be taken to atone for the sins of every individual. That is the greatest gift!

I hope that all had a wonderful Christmas full of magic.

Dear Santa,

 

As usual, I have been a very good girl.  I do the things which my parents ask of me….most of the time without complaint.   I try my hardest to be kind and gentle to those that I find wondering in my life.  Actually I usually end up appreciating very much the things that they bring with them.   I have learned a great many of lessons, with the most valuable one being how to give away more love than I ever thought possible. 

 

Now I realize that I have messed up every now and then, but some allowance must be made for mistakes.  I will continue to carry around the 409 and a pocket full of apologies.  Although the ultimate goal is to not make the boo-boo in the first place, I will acknowledge them when they occur and fix them as fast as possible.   I only hope that I was successful at practicing this goal this year and that I didn't miss cleaning up any.  If there were some, I would be more than happy to go back….just let me know where.

 

There isn't much in the way of material items for which I long.  I don't know if this order will be able to fit in the sleigh, but I do ask that you please at least try.   I want the imagination and the faith of a child.  I want to be able to see the world as a giant playground of new experiences just waiting for me to have.   I want more time to play hide-and-go-seek and swing on the swings with my nieces and nephews.  I want more sleepovers with scary stories and endless giggles.   I want curiosity that keeps me asking questions.

 

As my list continues in my head I think that what I really want is to not be such an adult.  I think that if everyone in this world would take more time to remember what it is like to be a child and all that comes with it, this world would be a much better place.   Could you please place that in the heart of every adult in this world?  I appreciate everything for which you stand.   I still hear the ring of the bell.

 

Love,

JRA

I hit the wall and my head is aching!

I can usually escape the clutches of the dreaded germ. I am one that doesn’t get sick very often and I am grateful. However when it gets me, it gets me good.

Everyone around me has I had it.....people at work, my friends and roommate. I have been spraying Lysol like it is perfume and eating Vitamin C like it is candy. It has been to no avail. Something in the system broke down and at the first sign of weakness it attacked.

My entire body aches and my throat is dry from not being able to breathe through the normal passage…..my nose. I think that I have slept at least 18 of the last 24 hours and I am ready for more. Jeje can tell everyone how horrible I sound. Someone get the frog out of my throat please! While at it, take away the soreness also. Thank you!

Well to the living world out there I tip my overflowing measuring cup of Nyquil and say, “Bottoms up!”

The world is a small place.

 

Working with a bunch of drama queens makes life interesting.  Our work Christmas party is tonight and the ratio of single verses married people are about even.   So of course the big question being asked is, "who are you bringing the party tonight?" followed with inquires to know the "status" of the relationship.   There is nothing unusual about the occurrence of this taking place and I am positive that most readers can relate to this line of questioning at one time or another in their own life.

 

The drama comes when someone realizes that not only I am really good friends with her date, but at one time we actually dated.   Now I have known for a while that she was seeing him occasionally, but have never said anything to her because I really felt like it was none of my business since she wasn't talking to me about it.   I found out because the women at work have their discussions in the middle of the halls and I would hear bits and pieces when I would walk by to get my work done.  My guess is that the boy filled her in on the details of our once upon a long time ago relationship which is where our current friendship began.  

 

Now the discussions are spoken in low whispers and all she keeps saying is that it is going to be "interesting."   The whole thing just makes me smile.  Honestly there is no drama with me concerning this issue however that is probably due to the fact that I happen to have the whole picture on our relationship.   I think the foreseen problem is that this girl and I are two totally different people.  We have always gotten along, as I do with everyone with whom I work.   I can't help but laugh at this situation and her thinking that it is going to be so traumatic.  I guess that isn't very nice of me to find humor in someone else's trauma though.  

 

I can already picture the scene tonight and know that the build up to it will be a complete let down for the drama they are unfolding.  He will walk in and he will come and lift me off the ground while giving me a huge hug.   I will then ask him how he is and how his family is doing.  In return he will ask me the same.  It will be total small talk for a few minutes and then he will give me another hug and then be off with his date.   No worries and no drama, just two friends.  He will call me later however to see how I am really doing and get all the real information about my life, but still no drama, just two friends.

Christmas time is quickly approaching.

 

Well I am proud to announce that ALL of my Christmas shopping is complete.  All the wrapping is finished.   I have even already made a trip to the post office and mailed two boxes of wrapped presents home so that they are there when I get there. 

 

Now before anyone gets angry and really wants to hate me for being so prepared, I am still under the gun.  I have four very large projects that I have promised to have out by Christmas that I am still struggling to finish.  I have two almost completed, but the other two I have yet to begin.   It is looking like I am not going to be getting much sleep the next few days since I figure that they need to be to the post office and in the mail by Saturday.  

 

The race continues!

Well I will have to thank David Cho for tagging me. I have looked over both his and Gary’s blog and have decided to try my best to answer both of the questions that were asked....those in the original tag and those of David’s.


Q. If you had $12,000,000 to start a ministry, what would be the focus of your ministry?
A. There is only one true focus, that being the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Q. If you were in charge of America, what would be three key things that you would attempt to accomplish?
A. Place God back in the every fiber of the nation, get the nation out of debt (fiscal spending), and revamp the education system to include real life classes that are required for graduation, such as everyday finance, communication and interpersonal relationships.

Q. If you could interview three people from history, other than Jesus, who would you choose?
A. Isaiah (oh the wisdom and insight he could share), C.S. Lewis, and Abraham Lincoln.

Q. If you were asked to address a small group of High School seniors about any topic, what would you want to talk to them about?
A. Choices and Consequences

Q. If you could go on an all-expense-paid, three-week vacation to anywhere in the world where would you go?
A. New Zealand, Africa, and China

Q. If you were asked to name the five best and the five worst attributes of the human race, what would you say?
A. Best: Charity, integrity, faith, virtue, and forgiveness. Worst: Envy, close mindedness, selfishness and greed.

Q. If you were asked to name the accomplishment in your life of which you are the most proud (excluding raising children), what would you answer?
A. Coming to a knowledge of who I am. Without this I could have done nothing else that I have accomplished in this life. When it all comes down in the end I have really done nothing without the help and guidance of a loving Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.

Q. If you wanted to thank the one person who has had the greatest positive influence in your life (other than Christ), who would you want to honor?
A. It would have to be my parents. They have seen me through everything and still love me.

Q. What seven things do I want to do before I die?
A.Be married in the temple for time and all eternity, dance with my husband in the kitchen while he sings to me, feel nine months of a baby inside my tummy, live in another country, perform some type of ordinance work in every temple in the world, learn a foreign language, and find joy in everything that I have the opportunity to do.

Q. What seven things can’t I do?
A. Kiss someone just to kiss them….I have to be in a relationship and have it mean something, get everything accomplished that I think I need to, adequately express my feelings to certain individuals, make my walls go away, put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, hate my parents, and weight lift 200 pounds.

Q. Seven things I say most often.
A. Just’ sayin’, whatever, suck it up and deal with it, I’m sorry, boys are stupid but girls are complicated, got to love it, and are you kidding me

Q. Seven books/authors (or series) I love
A. Scriptures (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price), C.S. Lewis, John Grisham, Max Lucado, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, and Neil A. Maxwell.

Q. Seven movies I could watch over and over (if I had the time)A. “So I Married and Axe Murderer”, “Hope Floats”, “Shadowlands”, “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”, “Finding Neverland”, “The Music Man”, and “The Notebook”

Learning to walk

When I was a small child, my parents tenderly reached down and securely wrapped their fingers around my tiny hands so that I could gain enough leverage to pick myself up onto my feet. Quickly I mastered the ability to get to my feet, at which point the offer of one finger for each one of my tiny hands to grip was all that was offered as we carefully navigated around each room. Finally I was encouraged across the room to the waiting, open arms of one or the other parent, unaided.

There are times throughout my life that I can see the same process occurring. Riding a bike is naturally the easiest to parallel. However as I exam life’s situations, I can see a glaring resemblance to learning how to walk all over again.

The Crush – Fingers wrapped securely around tiny hands

When I was in high school I had a crush. This was typical for a 17-year old girl. I wanted this boy to notice me and not for just being the friend he had had since fifth grade. I stood in front of him day after day after day and although I got the hugs and respect that made all the girls jealous and the stories of every heartache, goal, ambition, and joy, I never received more than his friendship. Although I thought that my life would end (drama queen, but remember I still was in high school), I knew that what I had was secure and lasting and I would never have to question his care for me. (By the way I am still friends with him to this day and he is the proud daddy of a new baby)

The Heartache – Holding onto one finger to walk

I was racing along in life, having a grand time and not really caring what was coming around the next corner when I felt someone racing beside me. It took me a bit off guard because I hadn’t had someone running next to me in a while and I wasn’t used to the company. It didn’t take me long to really begin to enjoy the company and soon the pace was being set by joint decision. The movement of our feet continued to accelerate at incredible rates of speed that, unknown to us, were creating wind storms that would soon catch up and destroy the pathway in front of us and in which I ended up tripping. When I looked up I knew he was gone, but I was amazed to find a series of rocks preciously placed where I needed them to help me pull myself back up to standing and to keep my balance. Each rock was so unique and special. It wasn’t until recently that I even realized the significance and careful placing of each as steadying tool.

The Loss – Encouraged across the room knowing that I going to one who love me

Happiness is something that I have known my entire life. I determined that happiness is an attitude, a decision and to this day live by that principal. Knowing who I am has enabled me throughout my life to accomplish so much. I was living life to the fullest when I kept noticing that someone was watching. Blazing the trail by myself had become something to which I was very accustomed. Every once in a while someone would appear and watch for a moment and then move along, but these eyes kept appearing every few miles down the path. When he made his appearance all I could do was smile. I had been waiting for him to join me. It was a pleasant walk and I lost complete track of time which was highly unusual for me. I am still not sure what grabbed my feet and made me fall, but this time when I looked up he was gone and there were no rocks to help me up, only the encouragement that was being sung into my heart of get back up. This time I went through the whirlwinds and storms and ended up with a friendship that I will forever treasure.

Learning how to walk can be painful and sometimes we just want to sit down and cry. People will come and go from our lives, even those who are dearest and closest to our hearts. That which we can always carry are the lessons we gain from learning how to walk.

Just sayin'

 

It is a little disturbing to me having Coldplay singing "Santa Baby".

Christmas is around the corner

 

As is typical for me in this point of the season….I have very little of my shopping done.  That which I do have done is only by pure luck of being in a store picking something up and noticing a gift that would be perfect for someone, like in the bookstore I found all my nieces and nephews gifts.  

 

I am one of those shoppers that is found running around on Christmas Eve because I still have a majority of my shopping to do.   Horrible I know.  I think that my problem is that I would rather concentrate on the meaning of the season than worry about shopping.  The other two reasons include the fact that I really don't enjoy shopping in the first place and I abhor wrapping (Holly, you may have to help me out this year so I don't end up throwing presents in bags and calling it good).   Maybe that is why all the charities that you give to this time of the year (Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, Giving Tree, Military Gift Tree, ect.) do not place the requirement of gift wrapping as they once did.   It makes it extremely convenient for people such as myself to just drop unwrapped gifts into donation bins after shopping.  I am sure they have benefited.

 

However this season I am not going to have the luxury of running around on Christmas Eve or even Christmas Adam.   I will not have a car that will be readily available to me since I am flying home this year.  I will be at the mercy of my parents.  Wow, it has been an extremely long time since that has been the case….I think I was 15 the last time that happened.   Not to mention that it will just be my parents, one of my little sisters and me at home this year.  Everyone else will be at the in-laws house.   I am not quite sure how I will handle that either.  Going from our usual 20 (soon to be 22 since my sister is due in May and my sister-in-law is due in June) down to 4 is going to be lonely.   Maybe it will be nice not to be up before the butt-crack of dawn on Christmas morning will be nice.  I will try to look at it in a positive light.   Let's see I won't have to be up at 4:00 in the morning, but that means that I won't have 7 little nieces and nephews running around excited about what Santa brought them and begging me to sit on the floor and play with all their new toys with them.   I will get to sit and read my book peacefully, but that means that I won't have brothers tormenting me by sticking their fingers in my ears.  It won't be the same.    

 

Well the snow is falling outside and Christmas is slowly getting ready to make an appearance.  Shopping is still left to do, but I have enjoyed the lights, friends, parties and hot chocolate and there is more to come.   I pray that everyone will pause for a moment and breathe in the essence of the true meaning of Christmas.

 

Merry Christmas!!

Walking down the middle road             

 

Nobody ever informed me that there was a third road.  I was always told that one could take either the road by which everyone traveled or the road less traveled (which is the one most desirable).   However in my life I have found that there is in existence a third road that parallels the other two roads. 

 

I realize that I have been journeying down this road for a large portion of my adult life.  The incredible thing about this road is that I am able to see the other two roads and what is occurring on them.   The forks in the road occasionally appear and although I have made considerable different choices at each one, every time I still find my feet treading down the middle road.  

 

The road is lined with fun and adventure, trials and learning, love and loss.  I have never found myself bored, but continually experimenting.   True happiness and deep sorrow have been planted in my heart while traveling at various speeds.  I have felt the instant pain when those dearest to my heart, who have been walking with me suddenly disappear onto one of the other roads.   Then I find extreme joy as others are discovered and new lasting relationships are gained.  Learning that someone who has gained my love and trust may not always be within sight or hearing, but that they are still within my memory's reach, creates instant comfort and usually produces a few tears of gratitude for them.

 

I am finding that I have a deep, resounding respect for this road.  It is where I have found the greatest progression and growth.  Although I did not foresee myself blazing this trail for this length of time, I know that with every step I am working closer to a road that will safely bring me to open arms and eternal joy.   Life is truly amazing!