To wash or not to wash….well is someone watching?

A co-worker and I have been noticing a disgusting habit which occurs in the ladies restroom (we can’t conclude anything for the men’s restroom since we don’t frequent it, but I am sure that the same issues are happening). I was discussing this issue with a few other women that happen to be school teachers and they stated that the same thing happens in their restrooms. Now please realize that the women that they work with are well educated individuals. The people that work in my office building are white collar professionals. In my estimation, all of whom should be aware of the importance of washing your hands after using the restroom.

The Hand Washer:

These women always wash their hands. They are the ones that are washing their hands when you enter and no one else is in the restroom and they actually use soap. Bless the hand washer.

Know they are supposed to be Hand Washers:

These are the women that only wash their hands when someone else is in using the restroom. They will use soap and do the normal hand wash because in reality they now that they should always be washing their hands.

Ah crap, I HAVE to wash my Hands:

I have to laugh at these women because they turn the water on, put their finger tips in the water for not even a full second and off the water goes. I almost want to ask them what the point was for the display, it isn’t like they are fooling us to think that they actually washed their hands. Um, gross!

I don’t care what anyone else thinks:

There is almost a respect for these women because they don’t wash (or pretend to wash) their hands even if someone is in the restroom with them. They just don’t wash….deal with it. However the thought always runs through my mind concerning the hands they are going to shake later and the food they are going to put into their mouth using those same hands.

My all time favorite happened last week and I actually laughed right out loud when I watched the most incredible occurrence take place.

Those door handles are disgusting:

No joke. A woman finished using the restroom and I was at the sink washing my hands. She stepped out of the stall, didn’t even bother coming to the sink, but she pulled out some paper towels and used them to open the bathroom door because it was below her to use a public restroom door handle. Lady, you non-washers are the reason the rest of us use our wet paper towels (see we have washed our hands) to open the restroom door. Well at least you have half of the process down. Too bad it would be better if it were the other half.

Honestly women, if one of the reasons that you aren’t washing your hands is because you don’t want to dry your skin….I am more than willing to share the lotion that I keep in my desk, for the health of all.

Baby steps Bob, baby steps.

No I don’t have a fish tied around my neck, in case you were wondering, although that would be a great conversation starter.

Anyway......

Have you ever been given something to do that you just never accomplished? I had an assignment that I was supposed to complete. I didn’t do it. I am going to be held responsible for not doing it tonight. I can’t remember a time when I have ever not done an assignment. I have always loved learning and doing assignments is part of that process. It makes me uncomfortable that I didn’t do the assignment, but my fear of the assignment was greater than the discomfort. However, I realize that by not doing it I didn’t get out of it. I only procrastinated the inevitable, thus just placing more time of having to deal with the fear.

It amazes me how much fear can slowly defeat us if we allow it to become bigger than we need to let it. That’s the kicker – we have the ultimate control over fear. I think that fear gets to each one of in different areas. For instance, I have absolutely no fear of talking to anyone where as this might be petrifying for someone else. There are fears of relationships, being alone, heights, spiders, germs, stepping on cracks, driving in neighborhoods with deaf children signs, and so many others that they could never be listed.

The obvious solution would be of course to release our fears. Not so obvious (at least to the one facing the fear) would be, how? In my own life I have always been told “suck it up and deal with it” and so I have a tendency to jump in with both feet……except with the fears that I can hide deep inside and which nobody except me have any idea exist. I feel safer having them there, however they are slowly winning a battle in which I must be the victor. Time to bring out the big guns and show those fears who is boss!

No wonder.

Strawberry Shortcake
Blueberry Muffin
Orange Blossom
Angel Cake
Huckleberry Pie
Ginger Snap
Apple Dumplin’
Raspberry Tart
Lemon Meringue
Plum Pudding
Lem n’ Ada
Crepe Suzette
Café Ole
Butter Cookie
Apricot
Almond Tea
Cherry Cuddler
Peach Blush

Hold on there is more...

Pupcake
Custurd
Honey Pie
Blueberry Sundae
Cookie Dough
Milkshake
Orange Twist
Jelly Bear
Burrito
Éclair
Gooseberry
Rhubarb

And it keeps going...

Huckleberry Briar
Orange Blossom Acres
Cookie Corners
Cakewalk
Strawberryland

Wait for it, wait for it...

I have decided that we have an overweight society due to the names (at least the ones I could remember) of the characters, pets and lands of the cartoon Strawberry Shortcake. Just typing the list made me start to salivate.

Happy Tuesday!!

“When we want to be something other than the thing God wants us to be, we must be wanting what, in fact, will not make us happy.”
-C.S. Lewis The Problem Of Pain


Yesterday was a day of reflection. It was one of those times when my body went through the motions of the day, but when my entire soul was in a race that circled from my brain to my heart. It was an incredibly long race which must have consisted of a billion laps.....give or take a lap.

I have been trying to figure out where I fit into life lately. It is an odd sensation for me because I have always known exactly where I belong, where my puzzle piece fit into everyone’s picture. For some reason, my piece has changed and it no longer fits as comfortably into the space where it once was a perfect match. Actually I think that along with my piece changing, the pictures are also changing.

However, I realize that with the change there are pictures that my piece will fit into even better although right now the changes haven’t completely occurred so the piece still fits a little awkwardly. Sadly in other pictures, my piece will only disrupt the color scheme and final theme and so it won’t ever fit again and becomes an edge piece to memories that once were.

As I was lying on the lawn in front of one of the most spectacular buildings in downtown Salt Lake contemplating such events, I came to the conclusion that no matter what the end becomes all would be well. Others have to figure out where I fit in their picture, I need only to stand still and wait for the time being. Waiting is not something that comes easy to me. I want to fix it and make everything comfortable and happy as quickly as possible and exactly as I want them to be. In this instance, I am not going to be allowed to do so.

I can be found on the swings.

Memories!

My parents are in town and staying at my house. Last night we were reminiscing about childhood memories and laughing until there were tears rolling down my cheeks. Here is just a very small sampling of things that occurred in my life which to this day makes me smile.

Nicknames:

Muckerbutt – something that my parents called me and my siblings, well because we liked to make such things as mud pies, mazes out of books for our hamsters to run through, forts of blankets and cushions from the couch, piles of pillows and dirty clothes for soft landings from flights off the bunk beds, ect....

Little Shit – this was what Grandma lovingly called each and every one of her 25 grandchildren and sometimes referred to our parents with that name also. It is a name that our parents called us on occasion also.

Pig pen – this was my personal nickname. What? It isn’t my fault that I liked to eat the bottom of the ice cream cone first. Needless to say chocolate ice cream melts quickly and a small child just can’t eat that fast. Brain freeze....hello!

Siblings:

High chair – one of my younger sisters swears that we tied her to her high chair and wouldn’t let her out while babysitting her. None of the rest of us remembers doing this, but have assured her that if it had happened we would fully lay claim to it because that is just too funny and a good idea.

Ketchup and mayo – this same sister for one complete year would eat nothing except ketchup and mayo sandwiches and would wear nothing except swimming suits. We think in her lack of nutritional intake the high chair story came to be.

Make up and dresses – my poor younger brother was subjected to having his nails painted, make up applied and put into dresses in order to play with his two wicked older sisters. We do have pictures to prove this happened thanks to mom. We did create a monster because now he is hyper manly.

WWF – no worries, my “poor” younger brother did grow up to be bigger than I. Believe me when I took my fair share of being tag teamed with involuntary wrestling matches. It usually was only two of my brothers against me, but they were both bigger than me and, well let’s just say that I didn’t win much.

Outings:

Eating out, shopping, ect. – Our only goal was to see how many random people we could get to laugh. Of course at our own dinner table it was to see who would get grossed out first.

Road trips – for some reason this always brings thoughts of rolling down windows very quickly because someone was turning the windows green, butt cheek races down the hallways of the dorms that we would stay in, mom and dad’s snoring and having to roll our baby sister in a blanket like a burrito so she didn’t beat the crap out of whomever had to sleep in the same bed as her.


This is such a small sampling. I was extremely blessed to come from a home where there may have always been a lack of money, but there was never a lack of love or entertainment!

The rain continues...

Last night after I had finished one of my daily conversations with my Heavenly Father, I crawled into bed, reached up and opened my window (I always sleep with my window open whether it is summer or winter) and was immediately drawn into the outside world. The soft sounds of rain falling onto whatever object first came into its path, relaxed my mind and my body.

I curled deeper into my blankets as the cool, crisp air began replacing the stuffy air in the room. The sweet scent of newly fallen rain was welcomed by a few deep breaths. A tranquil feeling surrounded me. Typically I am fast asleep as soon as my head hits the pillows. I enjoy my sleep. Last night however, I greeted this environment with an allowance of my mind to process some areas in my life.

Area 1:

On Thursday I had been given some new insights into things that I do incorrectly in regards to romantic relationships. I also acknowledged (kicking and screaming of course) that I am incredibly fearful of being alone. Not that I don’t enjoy time to/by myself, because I love it, but that I make sure to have other relationships on which to lean. As the raindrops poured down and cleaned the outside world, cobwebs seemed to also come down in my world. Although I still have some detail work to complete, seeing through the windows are much easier.

Area 2:

Time is an ever moving commodity. There are only a certain amount of things that I can accomplish. Balancing everything that I should/need to do does not work out perfectly every day....well for that matter most days. Most important thing: family and friends!

Area 3:

Yeah, not ready to share this one yet.

Slowly, I drifted into a peaceful sleep.

Testing....where did my blog go? Yeah probably into cyber space and I am attempting to fix it!

Somebody kill me now!!

I have ten closings today so going to the restroom to take care of business is a luxury!! The only thing that is making me smile is the fact that I had a treat waiting for me on my car this morning when I went to leave for work. Thank you!

Salt Lake or Seattle?

I am little concerned that I moved without knowing it (Dear Hollyoak, we finally got out. Love JRA). Not only that, but my entire environment moved with me because the landscape hasn’t changed, nor the people since I remember clearly MDJ making sure I had my ab work out in for the day on Monday and Bronson again tried to convince everyone that I am an escort. I do believe that the last time I enjoyed the rays of the sunshine was in March on a short get-away to Moab when Stoic Niche and I used our advanced biking skills and now can eat anything we want for the rest of lives because we deserve it after that heroic conquering of Slick Rock. Of course one can’t forget sleeping under the stars with Cellular, Venus, Tammi Tinkle, Deserted Island, AG, and so many others that it was a group effort to turn to sleep on your side....one, two, three....everyone roll! Ah, the memories!

Anyway, I was under the impression that I am supposed to be residing in a desert, you know where the sun has a major role. Maybe I was misinformed (hard to believe Bronson, I know). I don’t think that the rain has stopped these last few months. I can handle rain. I love playing in the rain (Shells remember how we are going to dance around in the rain in our swimsuits like when we were little, oh oh we could even practice our cheerleading techniques). I have even thought about moving to Seattle. Could this be a warp zone to reinforce the fact that I am supposed to be here and I couldn’t handle the weather ALWAYS being drizzly?!?! I need my sunshine! Now there is the Southern Utah girl coming out in me.

Too much....overload!

I have now restarted writing this blog for the fourth time. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say, but that I have so much running through my brain that I can’t catch a complete thought. It is quite the circus today in my brain. Hopefully I don’t get lost in the house of mirrors!

When all else fails, watch a child.

Yesterday while at church services, I was asked to direct the congregational hymns. Why they ask me I am unsure because as much as I would like to be musically inclined.....it just isn’t a talent with which I was blessed. I have to rely upon the musical lessons I received when I was but a wee lass (around 12 years old).

The meeting had been wonderfully uplifting and I had made it through 3 hymns without many problems. I stood to direct the closing hymn which just happened to be one of my favorites and one that I will sing my children to sleep at night (“Dearest Children, God Is Near You”). There were two children on the stand, one was a six-year-old boy and the other was an eight-year-old girl. They had both given wonderful talks and were followed by their parents who shared inspirational messages.

As I began to lead the music I caught out of the corner of my eye the six-year-old boy happily swinging his arm also leading the congregation in the closing hymn. I smiled and continued to watch him. He would lead a few bars and then turn to look up and watch me for a few bars while he would get his arm going exactly as I was I doing it, then turn back around to help me with the leading. I couldn’t help but smile during the entire hymn. There is just not a sweeter compliment than to have a child mimic me. It was also a gentle reminder that I must be careful in what I do for I never know who is watching.

Experience teaches.

I remember as a child wanting something so badly that I thought that the world would end if I didn’t get it. I guess as an adult that feeling doesn’t go away when you want something so badly that it hurts. The realization of knowing that the world won’t end and I won’t die if I don’t get it is the only difference. I have also found that working toward the objective is, at times, reward in and of itself. Wanting gives us additional motivation to work and make necessary steps and sacrifices to obtain chosen desire.

I believe that we never come away empty handed, even if the ending is not how we would have written it.

“Stupid is as stupid does”

I am always up for an adventure. I love the feeling of adrenaline coursing through my veins. The flutter of butterflies in my stomach only encourages me. Call me crazy…my mom does as she silently offers prayers for my safety. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die or for that matter even get hurt, but when I find something that catches my attention my entire body feels the rush of excitement.

However, for some reason I am extremely picky about what I will and won’t choose. I will only get involved in an adventure after I have made a full assessment. For some reason I can put all those feelings to the side and make a logical decision (well as logical as jumping out of an airplane can get). It is after the educated decision has been made that I let myself get out of control about the adventure.

If a second opportunity presents itself, I know whether or not I want to join. Sometimes I just say been there done that, don’t need to do it ever again. Other times, the thrill wells up and I am ready, bring it on! Round two typically creates increased excitement about the adventure because I know better what to expect and what I am getting myself into. Bumps and bruises are long forgotten.

I am ready for my next adventure....any suggestions?

Note to self:

Always remember that I am the one that decides how to react.

I have divine worth that can not be taken away. Although it may not feel like it at times and nobody else may see it, I know that God does.

It’s not about me.

Smile. One day someone will do anything to see it first thing every morning and have it be the last thing they see at the end of every day.

Treasure the people in my life. They stretch my heart and teach me to love.

Let go of the hurt and disappoint.

Nobody reads minds no matter how much they love me. I have to express my expectations, needs and wants.

Life is a picture book….make sure to fill it with sweet memories.

I love wearing my swimming suits because I look hot! :)

Time is precious, spend it wisely.

Frequently take inventory on the abundant blessings being left.

Lilacs are in blossom.

Decisions have to be made. Look at that which is right under my nose for I may be missing the best things.

I have done nothing that isn’t covered by the Atonement.

Enjoy the journey....I only get to do it once!

Testing, testing…..this thing on?

Most of the time when I blog, I like to tell stories or write in a way that allows me to hide some of the things (not that it works except with those who don’t know me) with which I have been struggling. Today is going to be a day when I am just brutally honest with myself and straight forward.

My life has not been the perfect little storybook tale most assume it has been. Not that I haven’t been incredibly blessed throughout my short lifetime, but I have some deep seeded insecurities that drive some of my actions. Let me start with an easy one that I have full on admitted. Everywhere we go, I drive. Not that I prefer to drive because I really don’t enjoy driving. So why do I? I think that I will be forgotten and left. If I have the keys then I can’t be left. This has never happened to me. I have never been left anywhere even when I pretend to override my own anxiety and let some else drive. I am working on it.

Now time for my newest admittance of insecurities that I have discovered and need to overcome…..

I have never lacked for friends in my life. If I look back, I discover that I have always been surrounded by people. Actually the joke in family is that I can’t go anywhere without running into someone that knows me and greets me with a huge hug. That joke was only enlarged when my mom’s heart surgeon came out to the waiting room after finishing her surgery to let us know how everything went and he walked straight over to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “JRA I didn’t know this was your mom”. Pretty much, I will now never live it down.

However there was something that was incongruent with the whole picture. All through high school even though I was friends with everyone from the cheerleaders to those who were out smoking during lunch, I was rarely invited to do things with the different groups. I know why because I asked. I was friends with too many “groups” and everyone assumed that I already had plans with someone else. I was never asked to a dance. Why? Everyone assumed someone had already asked me.

I didn’t stop my life, nor did I even really think about it until later in life. Don’t get me wrong, I never sat at home. I learned at a really young age that if I wanted things to happen, I had to do the work. I had to make the plans and the calls. This is the life that I have known for all of my adult life. I am the Queen of perpetuating the “hang out”. Last night I was admonished not to do so anymore.

For those who know me, know I take the council that I receive from the leaders of the church that I attend serious. When they say don’t or stop, I say okay. For example, when they came out and said not to watch R-rated movies, I haven’t seen one since. When new inspired council and direction comes out from the Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency, I pray about it to know for myself and then make necessary changes and move forward……usually without much trauma, usually.

Last night I attended a meeting where a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was addressing the single young adults. Topic being discussed: Dating has been replaced with hanging out. I agree with this statement and have realized that the world has been slowly moving this way for many a year now. Actually the other night at a religion class that I was taking my instructor said, “Hanging out was invented in Hell by Lucifer” and I completely agree.

It wasn’t the topic with which I had issues. My issues came when Elder Oaks stated that men needed to ask women out on dates. Dates consisted of the three “P’s”-planned ahead, paid for, and paired off. Then he stated that women are making it too easy for men not to ask women out on dates by having group activities ready for each weekend. My issue…I am the one planning those outings so that I have something to do. My insecurity is that if I don’t plan it, I won’t be invited. I can count on both hands the number of men that have asked me out on a date. As many of my male friends so put it, I am not the type of girl that one dates, I am the type of girl that one marries. I am still not sure what that means.

So I am torn, but I am sure that things will become clear and I will be able to do what I am supposed to even though it may not be easy.